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Do guys have patience for a damaged girl or are they too much work? (Page 2)
Anonymous
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What Guys Said
Doormat guys and friendzone guys will have all the patience in the world. Then there will be those genuine guys who are just very resilient. There will also be many guys who have put up with too much bullshit before from someone who was emotionally unstable and don't wish to go there again. You just have to try and find the second type that I mentioned. You don't want the first and the third don't want you.
First lets get this rite your not damaged or broken your a creation of love by too humans and god who created man because he was lonely and created woman to keep man from being lonely and to care for each other. Some men think woman are here for their pleaser and to serve them so a lot of women end up in bad relationships or raped by father figures in their early years but does not make you damaged goods just improperly handled or cared for your still a beautiful creation and here is something to think about God did not need man to create Jesus he skipped over him and went rite Mary amen a virgin and gave use our SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST
If a guy is really interested it doesn't matter how much a girl is damaged, sometimes to his detriment if she lashes out or hurts him. As a girl you have to be careful because some guys will pretend to care just to get sex and just add to your problems. It is a minefield sometimes unfortunately.
I am pretty patient, but I am less inclined to be after an 8 year relationship with an ex. I thought after so many years of me being perfectly loyal would make her chill but nope, she always assumed any time I was with a male friend I was lying and I was secretly with a girl. I invited her to join me and she wouldn't so it seemed she just wanted some drama.
It's no ones responsibility to get your shit together, but your own.
By saying "are they too much work" you are implying your partner needs to somehow fix you. Neither is it his responsibility nor can someone else fix you. So no, I do not have patience for that.
Trauma isn't really anything that can be fixed. What can be fixed is her health (like weight or just taking care of herself) which yes that's not others problems to fix.
Too much work means trying to get a girl who you find interesting, but went through a lot in past relationships so it's hard to gain her trust.
"Trauma isn't really anything that can be fixed."
Exactly the attitude I am talking about. Everything can be improved with working on yourself. So yes, no patience from me and not into "gaining her trust". Get down from your high horse. A relationship is always a trade-deal where both partners invest into the other - and want to get something out of it. Ideally both investing more than they want to get out to make it functional.
So you're saying that you'll be fine with finding someone who can put up a front that they are fine, and once they start showing they are insecure about something, then what? Then you leave them. That's what some try to avoid. So of course they want to wait to see if they can trust you.
I get it, you want someone fresh off the picking and have no flaws. And that's fine. You do you. Your opinion is still valid because I know there are others who feel the same way and looking for someone on their level. Don't think I have this 'high horse' and despise men.
As someone who works on himself I am expecting my potential partner to do the same. Everyone has had shit thrown at them in life in one way or another. Tough luck. But I despise everyone who is wallowing in self-pity rather than putting the effort into improvement.
You have baggage? Time to get your ass moving and work on it right now and not when you may find a potential partner.
And this has very little to do with "putting up a front" or "having no flaws". No one has no flaws. Imperfections are part of life. Imperfections are perfectly acceptable as well, but only when the person has the mindset of improving and overcoming things. So stop putting words into my mouth I haven't said.
You just made it sound like it's the girls fault for not 'fixing' themselves right away. This is more for when a guy is interested in a girl. Do they have the patience if a girl wants to wait before making it official. In a way how I see it, that is a way of improve themselves. To try and trust someone after what they went through. Some of their flaws can be revealed the more they get closer to one another. That's where the question comes in.
A girl can have confidence and be really down to earth and have flaws. They have that cautious feeling that was built by past.
If you expect a girl to be 100% hunky dori fine before getting into a relationship then there really isn't hope until they are old.
"You just made it sound like it's the girls fault for not 'fixing' themselves right away."
Whose responsibility should it be instead? If you realise you've gotten baggage from your last relationship - here is an interesting idea: Don't jump into the next relationship before working yourself out. Very controversial, I know.
"This is more for when a guy is interested in a girl. Do they have the patience if a girl wants to wait before making it official. In a way how I see it, that is a way of improve themselves."
That's called leading someone on. Say you are available or not available. End of the story.
"A girl can have confidence and be really down to earth and have flaws. They have that cautious feeling that was built by past."
Caution =/= baggage. Obviously trust and vulnerability needs to be build up. That accounts for everyone.
"If you expect a girl to be 100% hunky dori fine before getting into a relationship then there really isn't hope until they are old."
Once again you are putting words into my mouth. Stop being manipulative and intellectually dishonest.
It's honestly what I am thinking you are implying. I am anyone but manipulative and dishonest. A girl can go on dates and try to be with someone if that is one way that can possibly help her. If she becomes crazy or controlling then yes, she needs to work on herself and not drag her partner down. A girl can not just assume she is fine when she's on a normal level. Once she is comfortable that's when her damage gets to her and it'll start showing. I get YOUR answer, you don't have to justify your opinions. It's just a question.
yes trauma can be resolved.
Well, I guess it depends, but I won't date a woman with any mental illness, e. g., depression, because they tend to have multiple illnesses, not just one. I thought I could fix my last one, but she just had too many issues, including ones I didn't know about.
You've actually INVERTED the usual problem: Damaged women have a habit of actually pushing men away, perhaps related to that old saw about setting what you love free to see if they seeing if the come back to you? But it ends up looking more like they're either too scared to get close or were not that into us to begin with. So we retreat, not aware that we failed some kind of secret test of character by letting them go.
I have no patience for damaged girls because I hate being accused for things I didn't do. They tend to blame people for things their exes or past acquaintances did. For example this one girl who had been taken advantage of told everyone I was trying to get in her pants after I sent her a friend request on facebook. After that I decided Im just not gonna bother with damaged girls.
You are only damaged if you CHOOSE to be. Nobody, and I mean not one single person has power over your emotions. No, you get to choose.
So quit blaming everything and everyone for your failings.
If you have emotional problems get a shrink. That's what they're for.
And no, no mature adult wants to babysit another fully grown adult. Period.
To be honest, I have my own reservations about such. Too often it proves to be like adopting a stray dog and then having the dog show itself to be rabid. Best for such persons to allow themselves to heal from the old relationship before getting into a new one.