Why do some guys like damaged girls?

Question

I was talking with this guy about like some of my problems (self harming and anorexia) and some of the trouble I get into and some of the crappy stuff that has happened to me and all that and he was like "it's okay Im actually really attracted to damaged and broken girls" and then went through a list of girls hed dated that were a LOT like me

why is this a turn on for some guys? He's not the first to say it. What is it that makes you attracted to someone damaged?

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

I wondered this same thing until a guy friend of mine helped explain why he thought I wasn't able to date. Me: attractive, smart, funny, independent, responsible... why were men passing me over for someone with problems? It turned out that he believed men like "projects". Just like fixing cars, fixing gadgets, or whatever, they enjoy fixing things and if he can complete something and get a favourable result, the more accomplished he felt. The same applied with women. If a woman is already "fixed" and doesn't seem to need him, he has no use in trying. Note* not ALL men do this. The white-knight complexed ones seem to be the worst.

I am still amused many years later when a guy broke up with me after a few months of complaining about his problematic exgirlfriends and how much grief he went through with them, only to tell me on the night of our kiss-off, "I sorta need to find a girl with... problems." (Go get'em, tiger.)

If there are guys out there who feel like they need to be needed in this way, instead of looking at a potentially fulfilling partner who can add to their life in a healthy, positive way, then it shows a bit of insecurity on his part needing to feel validated as a partner to protect and fix their girl. Insecurity attracts insecurity I guess.

LeeLFC · Accepted Answer

Because they see broken/damaged girls as a weak person who will depend on them to make them happy and that's when they take advantage of the opportunity and the female. These guys love it when a woman fully depend on them and revolve their world around them so they know for sure that she won't easily leave them.

peachblossomluck · Accepted Answer

I imagine he'd be a bit codependent by nature if this is a pattern? Some guys fancy themselves a hero role and feel protective and masculine while with troubled women. Same goes for women who seek out guys with issues, brings out the nurturer. That scenario will fail both of them emotionally.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If you take a look at our ancestors a woman finding a strong man that is able to produce healthy children and provide for them is the woman's main concern when finding a mate.

A man's main concern was not being tricked into raising another man's child. Strong women don't need to worry about destroying the relationship so they are more likely to risk damaging the relationship by cheating. A woman that is so desperate she can't survive without a man is far less likely to risk losing the relationship by cheating. As a result men and women end up attracted to exact opposites.

In today's world we are suppose to pretend this isn't true, and that any man that doesn't want a strong woman is actually just weak or whatever other insult they want to throw at him. This however changes nothing. This is why even today men marry down, and women marry up.

Successful women and unsuccessful men have a much harder time finding someone to marry. The men that typically like strong women, are almost always guys that don't want to get married. Men that really want to get married look for a woman that needs him. The desire isn't to fix the woman, it is just about being attracted to a certain type of woman.

mrluscious · Accepted Answer

This makes me mad @slowdyingflower. Why do any of the things you deal with or ANY of this make you "damaged" or "broken"? It pisses me off when people see our struggles and think of them as weaknesses. You are strong and courageous and amazing and the hell with anyone who tries to make you feel or think otherwise.

weapon-x · Answer

Broken people like broken people or they try to fix people. I think everyone is damaged in some way. Every single girl I have been with had some sort of problem and I don't think I just attract messed up people I attract normal people. We all have baggage that defines our life in one way or the other though for better or worse.

yesideetu2 · Answer

In my opinion it's because we like to feel needed. we like the be the 'heros" the "knights in shining armor" we feel the need to "save" them and make their life better. that's a good guys reason. the bad guys reason would be to control and manipulate them make them feel inferior. like they need the guy instead. they prey on low self esteem.. and needy girls. stay clear of those ones.

zorro8888 · Answer

I'm guessing those guys see an insecure girl who'd do a lot if you give her a bit of attention. Not my type of girls.

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

turn on may be the wrong word to use, for that guy it may be more of a pursuit of being there for you and self-gratification, kind of like a challenge at the same time. it would give him a lot of opportunities to be "needed".

MarkTwain · Answer

I think damaged girls might be unique girls to date. In the sense that you would have to work around her problems to get to know her fully. Most girls are emotional, so damaged girls need different attention, not saying that normal girls don't deserve more attention themselves. Everyone fucked up that's what makes us who we are.

Curmudgeon · Answer

Some of us are, in our own ways, "damaged" too. And perhaps there is a feeling that "I won't judge you too harshly if you don't do the same to me..."

Octavion · Answer

For starters that's kind of an ahole thing to call you broken. I think it's the protective instinct and so he see's a girl in need of help and he thinks he can be the person to help them.

Jocko · Answer

Just how some girls think they can change a guy some guys think they can save or protect certain girls. OR if he gave you a list of "damaged girls" he may just find them easier to get into bed.

muspelhem_5 · Answer

It makes you less intimidating. Plus it makes a guy feel useful if he can be a shoulder to cry on. The risk is that you end up with guys who can only get with girls that way. I was one of them.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's because they imagine that perfect picture in their head where they can fix the girl or bring her onto a better track in life

Klaatu51 · Answer

4 me it wouldn't be a turn-on basically... in fact i'd rather her 2 not have any probs currently...

AlwaysBelieving · Answer

Personally it's not for me.  I can see why though. It's the feeling they get to "fix" a person. A person is NOT an experiment. Get yourself an old car or something to tinker with.

blondfrog · Answer

Maybe he is damaged as well? And besides that's some guys most guys aren't like that and maybe he might think if he changes you you will in love with him.

hypno-trip · Answer

I think it is because I'd like to think I can help them and make everything perfect, however I don't seek out damaged girls so...

sealteam42 · Answer

The hero feeling I myself have dated girls that did stuff like your saying or stole girls from a guy that was miss treating them

TruthsAnAshtray · Answer

Damaged people are interesting. Seeing them happy/in ecstasy is indescribable.

georgiaaaagirl · Answer

guess its easier to go in but when they catch something they won't be so willing next time :)

James687 · Answer

that's not a turn on, that's a sign he and you are both freaks

DontDropIt · Answer

Easier to take advantage of probably

LukasTheLovely · Answer

So that he can play knight and try to save you lol

Bethanycats · Answer

Maybe they believe they can change them simple.

jmmmfi · Answer

Because there usually easier

apple24 · Answer

I don't care.

Why do some guys like damaged girls?

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