What would you do if your bf/gf is depressed and ignoring you?

[Anonymous]

We spent the weekend together, and now he’s being distant and practically ignoring me. Says everything is fine, but I know it isn’t. He just lost his job, and I know he’s going through a hard time but ignoring me is putting a strain on our relationship. Instead of talking to me, he prefers to just disconnect. I told him to keep in touch... I love him but I can’t keep going through this with him.. he does this a lot.. instead of talking to me.. at least I would understand. Instead of telling me that he needs time to himself, etc.. not like I see him everyday... he was having intimacy issues and we were just physical again over the weekend, after a hiatus...

[alleng12345]

You have said this is a recurring problem. Does he suffer from depression? Is he diagnosed with clinical depression? Does he take medication?

I've noticed in life that depression seems to spread.

The big take away is to 'not take it personally' which it sounds like you are.

He has time to text but not talk?


Let's step back and try to look at it from his perspective.

Remove your emotion and try to use his. Dont read his mind but imagine you had lost your job, might lose your place, can't put food. om your table. Maybe you have a girlfriend you want to spoil but you can't because you are on hard times.

Now the girlfriend is hounding you to tell her what's wrong?

He may not want to talk about it. Does he have Male friends? He may be willing to talk to them instead of his girlfriend.

Guys get guys, and I know it drives woman crazy but we will tell our male friends how we feel. Usually, where we may not. to our female friends because we have a feeling they will think less of us if they think we are weak. Not just physically but mentally too.


Take care of. women, be strong, protect her.

Well fuck telling her I am scared!

As a man grows he learns to. communicate but. you can NOT force it.

Now you dont deserve to be unhappy. So go find happiness... do your own stuff to stay sane...]p.. is it with him? I hope so, but if he is clinically. depressed then you need to get to reading and finding support groups to help you learn how to support his depression but not enable it.

It will brinng you down and cause your own depression if you dont know how to approach it.

[Asker]

I try not to take it personally and believe me I get how he is feeling.. he has time to stay on social media all day but can’t talk to me for 5 min? Or a simple text asking how I’m doing? I was initiating texts but now I’m just going to give him his space

[Aussietexan]

How would you deal if he had an illness where he couldn't get out of bed much, where he couldn't really talk much, where he couldn't really do anything - take that exact answer and apply it to depression.

If you'd go over and fun him dinner, then do that. If you'd cuddle you and watch a movie, then do that.

However if you'd ignore his pain and just say 'meh, get back you me when you're better' then you're the one with the issue.

Treating someone with depression is EXACTLY like treating something with any other illness or medical condition.

[Asker]

Yes well I would go over to see him, but he’s pushing me away from even that. So completely isolating himself from me

[Aussietexan]

If you had an illness would you want to ask for help or be relying on others, or would you not want to hurt/effect anyone around you negatively?

[btbc92]

Give them space. I am not going to pry. They can talk to me at anytime. I would check up on them for time to time but will not bagger them. I have a life of my own. I say this has to do with him having free sex (outside of marriage) from you, instead of making choices that he actually wants. If both of you feel trapped in this relationship you need to end it.

[SongBird3]

I mean you have to tell him to communicate or ur out

[Asker]

I did... so I’m out

[SongBird3]

Good for you. Ik its hard but you have to do whats best for u

[Tomthehazel]

So when a guy whom you "love", is going through hard time then you just leave him?

[SongBird3]

Its not about him having a hard time, its about him not being an adult and talking about his problems and working through them. You can't just shut people out and expect them to stick around. She has tried to get him to fix this behavior multiple times and he had refused change. So she has no other option but to leave

[theCobbler]

Well maybe it's not so much as ignoring You as stress and worry , about , ; job, money , Bill's, unforeseen things.. etc ! But, if you say it's a reoccurring thing, than maybe has anxiety issues, depression, or maybe he doesn't want to burden You with his problems! , ask him , gently , if he doesn't respond, leave it alone , but if always reoccurring, than maybe You need to set down with him and talk , and see where you stand , or maybe ask him to see a professional!

[Asker]

He’s sees a therapist, but he’s been cancelling his sessions. He does get anxiety attacks, depressive moods, etc. I try to be supportive but there’s only so much I can do... he goes to a dark place a lot and shuts people out...😕

[theCobbler]

Dang, I hate to hear that , because this tells me , he thinks he's ok and doesn't need a therapist, when YES , he does! Ask him in a round a out way , if you could go with him to a therapy session or get his doctors number and call him directly, tell him honestly what's happening, hopefully the doctor can help with your in put!

[Asker]

He is avoiding my phone calls since I left his house, but sending me messages. He told me that he’s just trying to figure his situation out, but if he can text, then he can talk to me for 2 min..

[theCobbler]

Well maybe & or maybe not , see your backing home in a corner by wanting him to talk , be thankful he's willing to text! Please be careful, when you back an animal in a corner , there's only two primal instinct responses, Fight or Flight, and if You truly care for him , You dont want to see either!

[Asker]

I understand that... I am really concerned because he’s avoiding everyone

[zaetmi]

wow same like my story, he want u but he confused. he don’t want to leave u but he hanged you, you need to stop now everything. ignore him. i think some days letter he realise but i think he playing with u, be careful, best of luck

[Asker]

He won’t pick up the phone, but he will send me messages here and there.. breadcrumbs. I am not responding to anymore texts. If he wants to talk, he can call me.

[zaetmi]

Don’t west your valuable time, go forward, next you will get someone who will care about you.. the real love, but i try to forget her, its very tuff, its call true love.

[ZekeLaFreq]

People who don't know how to deal with their shit are hell in relationships. Dont so an ultimatum or anything but maybe let him know he should get some help communicating. Then be prepared for him to communicate ridiculous stuff, like that he wants to see you and then immediately wants you to go home. But communicating would be a step at least.

[Asker]

I care about him, but he’s just too complicated.

[pocketman]

In your situation, he might have grown up being ignored so instead of seeking help he just avoids people. If my girl was depressed and getting distant, i would check in and consistently encourage her. Remind her its just a phase and to keep pushing forward

[Asker]

Which I have been... he doesn’t answer my calls and is not as responsive to texts anymore

[pocketman]

When he's old he will remember your effort and appreciate it. Your doing the right thing

[Shubhamgupta]

Sometime we need a alone time to decide our future goals and he is doing that only give him some time and he will be fine just he trying to decide his career path on his own just be with him and tell him that you are with him in every decision he will make

[DiscomfortZone]

You need to understand that I n this society losing your job is very imasculating for a guy, do naturally any contact with you is humiliating. It might be stupid, but it's so. And ofc he tells you it's "fine", he doesn't want to appear to be a weakling along with losing his livelihood, that's like cutting your second leg to deal with the loss of the first... This isn't your fault, society raises guys to be fucked up like that, just don't add unnecessary tension by accusing him.

[Bootylicious905]

Some people express there feelings through fights, others through emotions they break down. While most like your man like to work things out by having some me time.

[saggittarius039112]

It is hard after losing a job. He could also be nervous to make contact.

[quietman4875]

I'm kinda the same way, when I get stressed I withdraw, I don't talk, and I get grumpy and irritable. You'll probably have to just give him some time to work things out.

[KrakenAttackin]

Maybe you should realize that not everything is about you? If you can't do that, than leave your boyfriend and let him find a real woman.

[Anonymous]

Depends, reading this situation, you're most likely going to end up leaving him.

[jeffburns182]

It sounds like maybe their is a sancha. But it he can't be a man and tell u what's up then move on. Because u are your#1.

[Jltakk]

Meh, I ignore everyone because I'm simply tired of everything, and can't be bothered with effort

[QueenOfBaku]

I would ignore them too

[Anonymous]

Kill him

[SongBird3]

Valid option