My girlfriend has accepted a friend request from her ex. Should I be worried?

[Anonymous]

This is someone she’s been quite quiet about with me.

I only found out about him because they have mutual friends and I’ve been told that it ended badly.

[AmandaYVR]

Ouch. This is not something that anyone wants to hear, is it? Sorry, man.

But unfortunately you can't do anything about it. Do not attempt to intervene. I know some others will disagree, but you have to let this be her decision, whether she wants any contact with him or not. Give her the leeway to figure this out. It's the only longterm solution to a successful relationship.

There's no one answer to should you be worried. It all depends on their past, and your current relationship with her. Try not to let it eat you up. Talk to her if you must, keep a distant eye on how she behaves, but also try and accept the fact that this is the world we live in now. What once was basic human nature, that often went unseen by others, is now public and on display, easily searchable... the behaviour hasn't changed, but the ease of access has.

It is still up to her to be loyal to you. You can't demand that from her. They may just legitimately want to reconnect as friends, maybe he wants to apologize, just catch up a bit, and nothing more. Don't become posessive or try to control her. If you act like a great man, allow her this, she can do nothing but respect you for it. And if she doesn't, she is the problem, not you. You can do this.

[Asker]

Thanks!

It’s just we’ve been together for 6 months and she was with him for 5 years. Apparently he just stopped talking to her and they didn’t speak for years.

I just don’t understand why she would even bother accepting his request if she doesn’t feel anything for him?

[AmandaYVR]

The acceptance of the friend request could indicate curiosity, not necessarily interest in rekindling.
I agree with others that past partners can pose a problem, and can be alluring, but a wise person will usually come to believe that it is the past for a reason, and they already tried it once, so it would be a waste of time to try again (in most cases, such as hers, which was 5 years.)

[aWes0MeNeSs]

If she's been quiet about him and seems like she's hiding stuff about him, I think it would be reasonable to be concerned. The fact that it ended badly and that it's not like they agreed to stay friends afterwards makes it seem even more suspicious as well.

I'd discuss it with her though. If she gets defensive right off the bat, that's a red flag.

[nonratracereality]

Always remember once done always done. If you're not on the same page no. If you are more of everything in the relationship no. What you give whether you realize it or not is what you get so once you're not ahead you know why but dint realize it because you're caught up in the amazement of how everything is unraveling. Rule of thumb stay in your lane. Better keep your standards out of reach for about 70% of possible partners and you'll be fine one way or the orher.

[Asker]

Do you think she still has a thing for him then?

[jayden888]

How long have you known her? You should see if she opens up about her past with him. Again, it depends on his relationship status too - is he still single. If yes, and she's known you just a few weeks or months, she might be trying to get with him. If the other guy is not single, she's probably just making things normal if she feels bad about the way things ended.

[Asker]

I've known her for 6 months. Pretty sure he’s single.

[jayden888]

Yeah I smell fishy especially since she hasn't been open about this guy and you knew through mutual friends.

[yellowochre]

She had a 5 yr relationship and then kept quiet about it and its already been 6 months since you have been together. Definitely a thing to be concerned. Talk to her and let her explain her side of things. If she gets defensive and mad, tell her your concerns and if not let her go and be a man. No one deserves a half baked relationship when u have committed your whole. Just rise above them.

[PinkMichae]

I may be a bit concerned. But I would talk to her and ask why she feels the need, why she didn't talk to you about it, and how she would feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

Hopefully she'll explain to help make you feel better or she'll realize she should have talked to you.

[Interstate]

TRUST TRUST TRUST. If you have always been able to trust her, you have nothing to worry about. If he is after anything, she is responsible and mature enough to do and say what's right. And if she does slip, forgive her, put it behind you and start over.

[Iris45]

I don't know if I'm in a good position to answer because I still talk a lot with my ex. But try to put things right with her. If you communicate with each other maybe you could find out without this site. But don't assault her. Explain to her the real story, how you found out. And maybe try to figure out why she didn't say it. Maybe there's nothing to worry about. Just breathe and talk.

[Anonymous]

lol same. first my boyfriend followed his ex on Instagram (his ex followed back) and then his ex added him on fb a while after. I told him im felt bothered about it and he said he understands why, but didn't change anything lol. didn't unfriend or unfollow his ex. I just decided to forget about it. although his ex is active on his posts. lol. fuck it

[Opinion Owner]

tell her how you feel about it. she can reassure you that it means nothing (if it really doesn't) and it might ease your worries.

[moonshine12]

You should tell her hos uncomfortable you are with it, if she really cares about your feelings she would have not accepted it. We have a choice of opening and closing doors.

But don't jump into conclusions.

[Vito123123]

If it is the worst scenario you will know soon... Go ripper mode if that happens... Succes, no-emotions fucks with chicks and make sure she regrets it... let the town and mutual friends speak... If guy is heart broken no biggie but if he is hurt girl cause she's gonna regret it...

[RemoErdosain]

The chances of that guy hitting on her are pretty damn high. Worrying won't get you anywhere, though, so unless you get any more information, just let it slide for now

[Asker]

But do you think it’s something to worry about?

I don’t care if he hits on her, so long as she doesn’t make a move... but that’s what I’m worried about.

[Asker]

I’ve also found out that he definitely wants her back...

[RemoErdosain]

How did you find out about that information? I'd say having him around is not good for the relationship, and it's always going to be a wild card. Apparently, it's a common thing: www.indiatoday.in/.../50-of-women-in-relationships-have-a-back-up-partner-in-mind-dear-men-please-note-1611048-2019-10-19

[Finchie40]

Just be upfront with her and tell her you think it’s disrespectful that she accepted a friend request from your ex , if she gets mad tell her how would she feel if you were talking to your exes ,

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Red Flag danger ahead 🚩 be careful with your next steps buddy speak up be polite though may the Lord give you the strength to embrace what's coming..

[Asker]

You think she still has feelings for him?

[Aakash_Hangargi]

I can't say for sure but she could always swing back feels like a contengency plan, or why would any sane person go back to being friends later if they really wanted to be friends they could have been in the beginning itself I am just saying be careful talk it out and listen to her carefully and act..

[theronaldmcdonald]

Be on the look out but don’t jump to conclusions. If it bothers you, talk to her about it!

[lovelyrose12]

You should be worried. i wouldn’t accept an ex friend request and less I still have a feelings for him. just be on the look out for now

[Poppykate]

Talk to her. Express any concerns that you have to her.

[Nia_chan]

Definitely be worried, i think it's also better to talk it with her so no problems would happen between the two of you.

[kibbenkat]

Nah. But ask her how he's doing. Just ask about it every now and then.

[Liam_Hayden]

Ask her about it. If her answer doesn't satisfy you, ditch her. No reason to stay with someone you do not trust.

[Laggy]

You should be, because of the fact alone that she kept it a secret from you. That is suspicious.

[red324]

I swear you can never trust anyone anymore... men or women.

[atomicadam]

WORRIED dump her ASAP if not you'll get a sudden hit in the balls sort of speak

[Asker]

You think this means she still has a thing for him?

[TacosRAwesome]

Depends on why she accepted it.

[TheFlak38]

She's not yours. It's just your turn.

[Walrus_au]

Yes, but maybe not about what you think.

[Sixgun77]

I'd definitely be concerned.

[Antelope]

She should probably let you know. Talk to her

[Stormdoğan]

I know i would.

[JohnWickman]

Keep an eye out!!

[Nachowedgie]

Extremely

[MuffBuster]

Yup.