My boyfriend is a bad listener? deal breaker?

[birdsandflies]

At first I didn’t think our “thing” would turn into a relationship so I didn’t care much but now we’re together, he talks about wanting to be with me for the long haul and I can tell he likes me, but he doesn’t listen very well.

It’s like he lets me talk and nods his head but a week later if the topic comes up he’ll say I never told him about it... he doesn’t remember most things I tell him. I also have old self harm scars that he’s seen but never brought up. I feel like I can’t talk to him about more serious things like if I’m feeling depressed or anxious cuz he won’t even properly listen and THAT feels like he doesn’t care.

And no it’s not because I’m a boring talker😂 I listen to him all the time and we always have a good time together.

[psm357]

It seems like he is not listening to you, or not paying attention. Usually when one party in a relationship is not listening to the other, it is a sign of losing attraction or interest. But from your description, it seems that he likes you a lot. So I am thinking it could be due to inexperience. Does he has any girlfriend before? If he had, how long did his previous relationship (s) lasted?

One of my experience in having a good relationship with girls is to treat her not like how I will treat my roommates. And how I treat my roommates is not too different from what you described your boyfriend, and that usually led my (previous) girlfriends to think that I did not care. I learnt this lesson from hanging out with more girls. And I am sure your boyfriend will learn about this too, if you allow him some time to learn.

[birdsandflies]

Thank you🙏🏼 I’ll give it time and see:)

[chriscdi]

its not that he is a bad listener, he just isn't a listener, he isn't understanding what you are saying, mostly if he says "thats crazy" thats a "i didn't listen for shit" so thats a dead giveaway, i dont know how youve managed to have a relationship with him if he doesn't listen but one day you are gonna be in a situation where you'll need his support and you'll need someone to listen to you and he isn't gonna listen, maybe in an emotional breakdown or in an emotional situation, thats when it will all get serious no cap

[birdsandflies]

I appreciate your answer thank you:) I did have a period where I was pretty badly depressed and had panic attacks almost daily and I didn’t tell him about any of it:/ I even talked to a counselor for the first time and he has no idea😅😬

[chriscdi]

see told you, you wouldn't have needed that counselor if you wouldve had a boyfriend that listened lol

[birdsandflies]

true hahah big tough

[chriscdi]

💯👌🏼

[saffoler]

Listening is a big part of communication; and communication is a corner stone of a healthy relationship. So unless he gets his act together; you should find someone that knows how to listen.

[savagelyfe0612]

What topics is he generally forgetting? Important dates or events? Scheduled appointments? Or “babe so this happened at work”? Cause I’m gonna tell you now.. the latter... we don’t give a shit. Gotta weigh what you believe he would care about. Yeah you want to share your “every waking thought” with your guy, but we really only retain what’s important. If it’s not something we feel we need to remember, trash. Especially gossip. That’s what you have girlfriends for. We’ll entertain it, but if you expect us to remember that shit, hahaha.

[Adam1978]

Maybe it's a memory issue not a listening issue. Does he remember other things easy that you done in the same time frame. When you talk is he actually engaged ie is there any back and forth? Or whatever your talking about is completely irrelevant to him so his brain discard it instead of putting it in long term memory.

[Cryptic-Game]

That's a good indication that he and you should part ways.