Is it normal that my boyfriend never buys me anything?

Question

Right I’m gonna state right away that I do not expect anyone to buy me anything, I know nobody “owes” me anything and I can drfinitely buy my own things. The difference in what I’m saying is that he never shows he wants to? If we go out on a date night we’ll take turns buying drinks so he buys the first round, I’ll buy the second and it repeats which is fair. But whenever its my round he literally says “I’m picking the more expensive drink because your paying” thrn when its his round he goes back to the cheap drinks and I think thats just a little bit rude? We then bought a pizza the other week and I messaged him a day later about how much it was as I was wanting to pay my half, he sent me the price of the whole pizza so i paid for his side too. I then went to his for drinks and he asked me if I wanted a bottle, I was like “oooh yeah please if thats alright” he then completely changed and said “oh well I thought you were gonna say no, I only have like 4”. So why ask me? I’m the type of person if I only had ONE left I’d still offer him it. I just think he can be selfish and very tight with everything he owns but I’m not sure if I’m just over reacting? Another thing that isn't realted to paying or gifts is that we went to his friends for some drinks, we all brought our own drinks and he started putting all his drinks in the fridge, the fridge was tiny, it didn't have much toom to fit all pur drinks in at once and he even said “mine are priority yours can just stay on the side” when it was a boiling hot day so the sun would just make them warm? I thought we could of put like 2 each of our drinks in to make it fair but he just put his in. PLEASE can I get some answers as Iv’e asked my friends but no matter what they’re always gonna side with me so I need answers from people I don’t personally know! Sorry for being so long!

The_Sword · Accepted Answer

I think that your boyfriend is immature, and maybe he isn't overtly hostile, but these patterns show him to have a weak character. It's hard to assert yourself, in the face of so many small slights and concessions which he is compelling you through the relationship... to tell you the truth, this kind of behavior could be covert narcissism, or perhaps another aspect of a cluster B personality disorder (a lot of cluster B is amorphous, and comorbid). I think you should let him know somehow, that you are seeing unattractive patterns in his sense of fairness, and you are starting to question the strength of his character: that might force him to provide clearer reasoning for his treatments with his sense of adjudication: maybe he thinks you have more money, so then he thinks it's fair that you spend more on the both of you; but the other issues you describe can't be explained by that rationale: like the warm drinks, so I think he is probably just a spoiled brat who never matured, and it might be highly unlikely that he will improve because of constructive feedback from you. Be careful, immature people can be a curse to be associated with, he certainly doesn't sound like someone who is long term relationship material: if he doesn't change this, this is just a taste of the dysfunctional dynamics to come, I would suggest to stop wasting your time with him. Maybe try confront him if you think there is hope, being susceptible to persuasion, or negotiation is a healthy sign of maturity.. so maybe try that once or twice, and see if he can play ball... but it might also be dangerous with some types of people, so watch out (and those are the types of people who are just not relationship material).

jspl90 · Accepted Answer

Well that sounds kinda shitty maybe he has narcissistic personality disorder.
Anyway if you're not gonna dump him (what i would do if my girlfriend was like that)
On date nights pay for your own drinks
If an event comes where he is a selfish prick (like the fridge situstion) stick up for yourself it might be hard since most people dont want to make ascene infront of their friends🤔
Ps. i think you should really dump him but ignore that for now ask yourself are you happy if not ask yourself why not abd change that what makes you unhappy whatever it is🤔 weather it is his behaviour or simply getting rid of him

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I was in a relationship like this for a scant 3 months. There should be such a thing as reciprocity between couples, but there should also be something inside of you that naturally wants to take care of the other. This is a point where it's not about you pay, I pay, you pay, I pay....because someone is keeping score.

I felt like that in my relationship, that my ex had a constant tally of how much money he was specifically spending on me despite being well off himself, and me not being one to just frivolously order 100 dollar bottles of wine on 'his' dime or demand he pay for anything. I knew I wanted to be in a relationship with someone who treated me as his girlfriend, and wanted to do for me, because he wanted to. For example, if I knew he was going to have a hard day at work, I'd order his favorite coffee on my way home and hand it to him because I knew he'd like it, not because I wanted him to then go out and specifically spend x dollars on me the next day to make up the difference nor would I ever mention that I'd spent this amount on the drink.

Everyone, man or woman, deserves to be taken care of by the other without putting the footprint of guilt or you now owe me on top of that. That is someone who doesn't not understand the dynamics of being in a relationship or friendship. It should be a natural give and take and not one that makes you feel guilty for wanting him to care about you in the most natural of ways.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

No, it's NOT. SO MANY RED FLAGS! He isn't just a jerkoff, an a*hole forgive my french, narcissist, etc. But it sounds like to me he's treating you as if your a golddigger so now he feels that you own him a treat as a man. Don't tolerate this behavior. Dump this loser! He shouldn't be telling you what YOU should do to treat him right. The heck! End it TONIGHT.

Shivvy123 · Answer

He sounds like a selfish asshole! Not just about the money side but his entire personality and his actions are incredibly selfish. He won't change! He comes first and that's that. End it now because there are soooo many lovely guys out there that would rather their own drinks warm and yours chilled because theyre gentlemen!

Marilynjuana · Answer

I will say, I am well off and don't care about money, but even broke guys have made the effort of paying and buying me sweet presents. At first I thought it wasn't that big of a deal but then I read everything and his comments and attitude would drive me sick. He won't change, he'll only get worse. Think of what you want for yourself, love.. You sound kind and thoughtful, there's a guy out there who'd treat you like a princess.

blank_expression · Answer

Sounds like dating and relationships are going into the toilet. Unfortunately, as big of an asshole as this guy is, I suspect it is only going to get worse across the board for male and female. All mutual respect between men and women has been wiped out and they are just treating each other like shit. You will be better off with a pet instead.

DavidHart · Answer

i feel sorry for u for having such boyfriend. u deserve better. Do not tolerate with intolerant and selfish people. They will always take advantage of u.

StarryCrossing · Answer

He sounds quite immature. He should have no problem buying you something every once in a while. Maybe try discussing this with him, as in this point in your relationship you two should reciprocate these sort of gestures.

AmeerX · Answer

Do you belong to a rich family? Because if you do then probably you got a guy who is thinking of you as his cash 🐄 cow.

I despise this behaviour. A man should always pay for girls and never other way round.

JosyJosy · Answer

No idea. I don't want him to buy me anything so he tries not to. I don't believe in material love and it should not be a must

darkcloud1945 · Answer

short answer he is a CHEAP fuck don; t know if you do or don't but I bet the prick washes out his rubber to use again. There is no help with this kind of guy. The ball is in your court.

Julietchicago · Answer

Wow. He sounds like a pretty, inconsiderate asshole. Dump him ASAP

Jamie05rhs · Answer

He sounds very rude and selfish. You need to stand up for yourself. And if he doesn't listen, you may want to consider dumping him.

coffeewithcream · Answer

Perfectly normal. If he remembers your name, you're doing fine.

Anonymous · Answer

Oh don't crib about it now bitch. Isn't this what you wanted? An asshole boyfriend that treats you like shit? I bet you also write parahraphs on instagram about how you can't find a nice guy.

alance99 · Answer

He should buy you presents on special occasions or at least pay for meals sometimes

alwaysintosomething · Answer

Maybe his last girlfriend was a gold-digger and he's being cautious.

serious · Answer

No. Not normal at all.

ElloDiazdidit · Answer

that is why I prefer SD's

Kayla45 · Answer

I never got a gift ever, so I guess?

Cherokeehp · Answer

That’s not normal.

Is it normal that my boyfriend never buys me anything?

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