Which is more important: what you say or how you say it?

Question

Snakeyes7 · Accepted Answer

How you say it. Yelling and screaming at someone you know was a generally a good person before they accidentally lost their cool and took it out on you (not hurt but yell, not sure if there is any going back from laying a hand on someone just for them being a little mean to you) is never the best way to get them to sympathize with you. Same for if you were the person who lost their cool. If you want to confront someone about their behavior, trying not to antagonize is the best way to restore the bond. Not guaranteed to work or fully restore the bond but it has the best success rate in my opinion.

If they still make themselves out to be the victim (which in my example would never work but there are a few cases where it could be viable) or do the same thing in response then the future for the companionship looks grim.

TJFreshman22 · Accepted Answer

How you say it. A man who says "god you look cute" once a month vs a man who says that 70 times a day, which time would make the girl go weaker at the knees? It's more about the type of impact the phrase creates on someone. As long as you say what you want with intention and honesty. Same with dirty talk. If used with intention and isn't taken over the top it creates intensity and realness. If someone strings together a cazillion dirty names to call their partner during sex all at once and doesn't really put a lot of thought into any of them and is just saying what comes off the top of his head with out actually meaning it, each of those names doesn't really feel as genuine or strong anymore and they all seem kind of lame without intention.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

People will say and believe what they want, but I think I’d be more willing to listen and have an honest conversation with them if they spoke to me calmly and with respect. I’ve had plenty of conversations with people where we didn’t agree and that’s perfectly okay, but it was how they said it that allowed us to still be friends and respect each others opinions.

PrettyWoman_ · Accepted Answer

How  you say it is the most important. Even if you wanna say something that might hurt the other person, there's a way to say it & to make it seem less bad than it actually is.

Massageman · Answer

How!

1. My wife was a Court Reporter early in her career. Her writing was via a steno machine. It, of course, can only record the words, but no inflections, expressions, intonations, etc.

Imagine you were in court giving testimony when the opposing attorney accuses you (falsely) of killing Mrs. Gray. In shocked disbelief, you suddenly exclaim in a rhetorical question, "I killed Mrs. GRAY?"
Now, on the Court Reporter's steno, it comes out "I killed Mrs. Gray". The comment would have to be put back into the context from whence it came.

2. My dog. If you were to snuggle up to her and say in baby-talk, "Hi sweetie - - aren't you the crappiest little hunk of garbage around here today", she would like it due to the intonation and the fact that there are no words from her limited vocabulary.
Conversely, if you scream at her and yell, "GOOD DOG!", she will go cower in a corner.

loveslongnails · Answer

What you're saying is always the most important, however... HOW you say it makes a difference because most people have difficulty hearing the truth, or the words, if the delivery is threatening or aggressive in any way. It's a balancing act that shouldn't be as necessary as it often is.

ButtaGrey · Answer

How you say things... Harshly telling someone, your mama was struck and killed by a bus at a
intersection, versus saying I apologize but there's been a horrible accident are two very
different deliveries.

The info is the same but how you deliver news can be detrimental.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's what you say.
That's why grammar, spelling and punctuation nazis used to drive me nuts online.
They were so obsessed with how everything was written without even paying attention to WHAT the person was saying.
They were missing the point and delusional about their own intelligence in my opinion.

Lynx122 · Answer

To me it's what you say. In your tone and body language there will always be a certain amount of ambiguity but words can describe things quite clearly so that's why I like to focus on saying what I mean.

abc3643 · Answer

HOW YOU SAY IT. That's why the State Department specializes in diplomacy and "spin doctors" have to rescue the President from the bullshit that he spews daily from his big mouth.

jeemm · Answer

What you say.  Even if you word it poorly and there is miscommunication, the end result should be consistent with the expected reaction based on the context of the statement.

YourGirlGigi · Answer

It's not what you say. It's how you say it. And, timing. People are not always ready to receive what you say no matter how you say it.

Vmm90 · Answer

Honestly. I would say it's both. What you say should be dependent on the situation and it should be delivered in a say the suits it as well.

Thatsamazing · Answer

Both. There is no extricating the two from each other. If I say "hi I like you" in a nice way, it's nice. If I say it in an eyerolling, clearly-negative-sounding fashion, then it doesn't even matter WHAT I'm saying, does it.

Prof_Don · Answer

“How you say it” matters more. Most of communication is nonverbal, so body language, facial expression, timing, voice manipulation, etc. matters more than the words themselves.

Anonymous · Answer

How you're saying something.
If you say you are such a bitch with a happy tone you can see it as funny and not offensive.
If you say you're so nice in a mad way you can see it as sarcastic and offensive.

flamiE · Answer

Both but if I had to choose it’d be how you say it.

egarcia1360 · Answer

They both matter pretty much equally. What you say * how you say it = what (it seems like) you mean.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

How you say it. I can't stand it when people speak with a rude tone.

genericname85 · Answer

definitely "how" you say it. use triggering words and people won't be able to see the message :D i tried this out a lot of times. people always fail to see past the "bad words" to see the "positive message".

F1nski · Answer

How you say it. "Honey can you buy milk from market" "Bitch can you buy milk from that fucking market"

scooogy · Answer

Well, I can tell you that... I'M VERY NICE!!! 😡 or I'm the rudest person of earth ☺

Eagle_93 · Answer

Well what you say does make a difference, but definitely how you say it is more important.

najekim · Answer

It's all on how you say it. Take diplomacy, for instance, the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way they'll look forward to the trip.

epictonguegame · Answer

How you say it , people think im mad or being an ass all the time because i dont realise my tone and how im saying things and most of the time im just talking normaly

sweetpeachkiss · Answer

its depends on how you say it sometimes it can sound mean or insultin wen dats not really what you are tryin to make so you have to be careful on how you say it.

OddBeMe · Answer

These days of texting, I guess what you say. But face to face, how you say it is more important.

not329446 · Answer

It's all about what you say. How you say it only compounds the firestorm you unleashed.

Anonymous · Answer

When talking to most women, it's whichever is worse.

princessde · Answer

Both equally matter more but how you say it tops it all. I want to fuck you vs I wanna make love to you hehe

Desconhecida · Answer

HOW  you say it.

Anonymous · Answer

What you say. You could be saying the meanest shit with the softest tone.

Machiavellio · Answer

How you say things. But it only matters if you want it to

Cryptic-Game · Answer

How you say it is more important because it is how the other person interprets it.

Shamalien · Answer

to smart people: what you say to brainwashed idiots: how you say it

xXMidknightXx · Answer

Neither. It's how you act that matters and makes the former two irrelevant.

TonyV · Answer

How you say it for sure

asomeone · Answer

How you say it is part of what you say

secretgirl4u · Answer

Both it's equally important

wendy90 · Answer

I guess both works together lol

DiversityHire · Answer

How you say it, for sure.

msc545 · Answer

Actually both things are extremely important.

Nahid1707 · Answer

How you say the words

venomhbk1313 · Answer

Neither it's what you do

Turboperformance34 · Answer

What you say  Because words can hurt

TheAfrikan · Answer

It is all about how you say it.

Karin_Anna · Answer

A bit of both really

AlexisSlim · Answer

How you say it.

sumanthr · Answer

How u say it is more important

DizzyDesii · Answer

How you say it

NarutoUzumaki007 · Answer

how you say it

Arjunaguy · Answer

What you say

sheikalana · Answer

How you say it.

NewZion · Answer

How you say it.

JosyJosy · Answer

What you say.

Anonymous · Answer

Neither. It’s *what you mean* that is important.

SphynxUK · Answer

How you say it.

In_Trance · Answer

how it's said

lolcraft · Answer

Yes.

RAIDERMAN55 · Answer

How you say it

Chad277 · Answer

How you say it

JesseCraft · Answer

What you say

Which is more important: what you say or how you say it?

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