Have you ghosted someone you really like?

Question

Right now, I'm ghosting a close female friend. I check her social media but I haven't reached out to her going on 5 weeks, now. I don't want her to like me for dating. But, I think she will hate me for ghosting her.

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

Yeah, once. Met a girl during what turned out to be a hiatus with my girlfriend, weird and long story but she basically still had a boyfriend and lived across the country, but she had already decided she was breaking up with him after the holidays ended and was moving back out my way. So we hung out a few times when she was home for said holidays, and she was trying to be respectful of her still-current-but-dead-man-walking boyfriend, but it was very obvious that this was going to be a thing when she moved back. We had almost no contact after the holidays, just a couple of football related texts during the playoffs. In that time, I got back with my girlfriend. Then this other girl just texts one day in April saying she just got back to the area. I don’t know man, I just pussied out lmao. I partly didn’t have the heart to do it, and partly was like “well... it’s only been a few weeks, maybe this reconciliation won’t stick, and I want this other girl available, not thinking I’m in some off-and-on thing.” And in retrospect, it was a dick move. I was fortunate that I ran into her maybe a year and a half later when she was with a “new” old boyfriend (who I believe she married eventually), and I got to kind of close the book with her. She was fairly happy to see me it seemed, but she took me to a couple a friends and was like “hey... this is Steve”, introducing new, but she did a poor job of disguising herself toning it like “THIS is THAT guy...” But I seized the opportunity to get her alone and have the conversation I should have just had with her at the time. There was a weird tone, like we were both kind of sad it never happened, but we were both doing well in other relationships, so it was ultimately all good. I just told her the timing had been off, and I was just kind of bummed that it wasn’t going to happen (obviously I could’ve picked her over my girlfriend, chose not to, and I don’t regret it, but I still wish we could’ve had the experience at some point... kind of one of those “in another time, at another place” kind of things) and I didn’t want to face up to it and cement it, and she was an awesome chick who I had been legitimately excited about as I think she had been about me, and even though she seemingly checked off all the boxes, she lost based on history, which is not at all in her control. This was just a girl I had put five years into already, and we probably should have never split in the first place, she just happened to catch me during a brief time off. She seemed satisfied with all that and I think a little relieved to hear that it wasn’t about her, although she’s a wicked hot chick, and she said to me, kind of astounded “no guy has ever blown me off like that before...”, lmao. But yeah, I got a lot of relief from that conversation. It was nowhere near as uncomfortable as I thought it would be. I just felt bad that she felt blown off, I guess I figured it wouldn’t even phase her because I’d never seen her in public not being swarmed by thirsty dudes lmfao, so she’d just be on to the next suitor. But I think we just really did like each other and vibed really well, so it was just tough for both of us, because us fizzling out had nothing to do with the two of us. So I haven’t seen her since that night, we’re getting on maybe 6 years now, but if I never see her again, I feel fine about it.

So in your situation, with an established friend, I think it would be a cool move to hit her up. She probably got the hint, and the feeling of rejection will have to be there one way or the other, don’t compound it by making her feel like she’s lost a friend. I’d much rather be told that someone thinks I’m nice but just isn’t romantically attracted to me than to have them just jet altogether, i’d have all kinds of uncertainty. I can tell my almost-chick from my story was hurt by me just disappearing, and we had no real history beyond being very light and infrequent acquaintances, so a friend will really be hurt.

Aysen · Accepted Answer

Indeed I have and honestly, I regretted it so much for not providing closure where it was needed for my close friend who I ghosted.

I've had a similar issue like this with that close girl friend I knew online back in high school. I was too naive to realize that a lot of nice things I've said to her made her believe I really liked her, even to the point of her believing I wanted to date her, which wasn't true at all! Even though our interests clicked wonderfully and our personality types almost matched, I was already dating someone else and loved her to begin with, so I didn't want to give my close girl friend false hope so I ended up ghosting her to avoid any complications, even though I'm sure she's wondering why I did this, years later. Thankfully, she found a new boyfriend who cherishes her very much so in the end of it, it all worked out! I can't say it would usually end this smoothly for people who ghosted though.

I honestly wouldn't recommend ghosting; that it would be better to be the bigger person here and explain why you ghosted your close friend. Just tell her that you're not interested in dating and that you'd prefer to be friends. I can't imagine anything good coming out of you remaining silent like this, especially if it's torturing you and/or your close friend mentally. Ghosting is easy, sure, but then the other person will likely question why this happened and perhaps over-analyze themselves about it. It's your call to decide if she's worth keeping around or not.

Hannah_le · Accepted Answer

Okay well when someone likes you I always tell them whats up and what I think (a short answer no so that I won’t lead them on ) or even when I’m talking to someone n when they still try no matter what , I keep my distance so they can get over me but when they keep forcing stuff or pressure me writing bunch of stuff and knows I’m talking to someone it’s sad cuz it was a close friend for 4 years but yk gotta do wut u gotta do didn’t respect me or my boyfriend so gotta drop em. You did a right thing because sometimes u can’t play the nice person cuz either way they wouldn’t like u after rejecting them but leading her on is the only thing would be wrong.

Starrr01 · Accepted Answer

This is gross, completely immature behavior. Be a man and be honest with her. Ghosting is the most childish move ever

buddies · Answer

Ghosting is usually a cowardly act. Although there may be a few times that it is neccessary. For instance, if you were to tell this female friend that you're not interested, and she kept trying to get you to date her, them ghosting is justifiable. But in a circumstance other than that it is cowardly. Just own up to your opinions and feelings. If she can't take that then that's her problem. Not yours.

lovelycara · Answer

I ghosted this guy because he kept on talking about other girls but gets angry when I talk about other guys. I decided to talk to him again yesterday and apologized for not contacting, and he said "I'm not really trippin"
I have a feeling that he's bluffing

Marilynjuana · Answer

Ghosting is cowardly. I have cut people off whom I have cared about deeply, but I never ghosted anybody.

ValleyofDrakes · Answer

No, only awful people who act like a little bitch do that.

Why would I be so horrible?

If I don't want to talk to them I'd just say so. The only reason I would randomly stop talking to them without explanation is if I was hurt or dead.

infinitybreaker2018 · Answer

Wouldn't say I ghost her. But, I blocked this girl after a few dates because she was confusing and didn't know what she wanted, and I really liked her.

Darcia · Answer

Yea, just recently. I told the guy I was interested in him and he didn’t seem interested in me. So I just stopped messaging him.

Anonymous · Answer

Yea I once did ghost a very attractive guy I met on a dating site.
But I did that because I was too scared to meet him. I actually had a panic attack, when I saw him from faraway and was even more attractive than his pics

Yads_Is_Back · Answer

That's retarded. If I ghost somebody then I don't want contact with them.

Account · Answer

I have. I had to. It was the right thing.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. I tried to. It completely backfired and now i lost him. He blocked me from his life

Anonymous · Answer

This behavior is ridiculous and incredibly disrespectful to your "friendship."

Anonymous · Answer

I did it and didn't regret it, I forgot about it quickly

TheAfrikan · Answer

I did it and I have to say it is good.

Darrelyn · Answer

Yes, it's was for his own good

anon1903 · Answer

As a gutless person, yes, I'm guilty as charged

Agem123 · Answer

Nope. That's what a coward would do!

MCheetah · Answer

Ghosting is weak AF.

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Why did you do it?

InferiorElegy · Answer

No but I get ghosted

Have you ghosted someone you really like?

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I did it and I have to say it is good.