My mom's stepson beat up his girlfriend today in the street and the cops ended up coming and she said "everything is cool" , so the cops left the situation alone
But she told my aunt that my stepbrother slapped her, pulled her hair, and knocked her to the ground and kicked her
She said she didn't tell on him because she loves him and she didn't want him getting arrested
This has happened many times before and when my mom hears about it she just asks what's the problem and if the girl was being a bitch or something
She also tells her stepson to be careful or he can get locked up she said no girl is worth that
Do you think my mom being a woman should step in more or should the victim be expected to take action and watch her own back
Also the girlfriend has no family here, all her family lives in another country
If you had a son who you knew beat up his girlfriend occasionally would you ever do something about it?
I'm not really sure what kind of reply, you were hoping for here. As your description of the problem, no longer allows for the hypothetical of what (I) would do in that same situation. As it's more along the lines of what, if any, advice can I offer you on how to handle the situation yourself, then.
There's just too many "unknowns" for me to even venture a guess, as to what course of action, I think you should take. So I'ma just stick with the what (I) would do scenario. All of which, to be taken with a grain of salt and all that, of course.
What I would do, though.. is beat the ever loving shit out of that pussy! Making sure to give him a healthy dose, of that shit he seems to love dishing out to others, so much.
That being said though, I'm not exactly Billy Badass, either.. So if my doing so would only likely result in (my) ass getting kicked, instead.. Well then I'd just get in as many shots as possible, before he was able to put me down. Keeping in mind, that I'm not exactly in my "right one" either, mind you. Cause even if he did manage it, it still wouldn't be over.
It'd be the same as if it turned out I couldn't last a minute with the guy. As that's where weapons start to come into play. I'm sure ya got the idea by now, though. Which I'm (not) recommending you follow suit but given the choices..
Personally, I would definitely rather be the guy who felt it necessary to grab a baseball bat, then be the guy, who didn't do shit.
And if you're still wondering why the "adult" in this situation, hasn't stepped in to correct his nauseating behavior yet..
That would be due to the fact, the word "step" is in her job title. Meaning, she'd rather get along.. then rock the boat... not for his sake but his dad's. That being said, the fact she went so far as to actually try and make excuses for his bullshit, makes me wish he would start beating on her, too.
I dunno man, if talking things over is your thing, then tell him this..
One day, that piece of shit's luck (will) run out. Whether or not that happens before he ends up killing that girl, is anyone's guess. But rest assured, he was in deep enough shit for being a woman beater, in general. As no one in prison wants to think about pricks like that, being on the outside, beating on (their) kid, ya know? So they tend to take all those pent up frustrations out on the exact kind of asshole, that so richly deserves it.
If he steps into that prison a murderer however, after having just killed her..
Well then he can go head and forget about any painful lessons, to be learned. Cause he can bet his ass will get used up for whatever little he might have been worth, before putting that piece of shit down permanently. I give him a week... tops.
Less of course, he (really) does put it ass up for grabs! Lol, in which case, most prefer death over the price of protection. Either way, tell that tough guy, to chill the fuck out! Cause as I said, karma (will) catch up with his ass, eventually.
My first instinct would be to beat the shit out of the guy. I'd want to tell him that every single mark he puts on her, I'll put on him and then some. But I've known women who were abused and I know that confronting the abuser only makes things worse for the victim because they will be the one he takes his anger out on. So realistically I would approach the girlfriend to let her know she has my support and that if she wants to leave him I'll offer her a place to stay. Really the only thing you can do in these scenarios is offer the victim a clear way out. But it often takes time. Abusers don't jump straight into punching. They start off as the nicest person you'd ever meet and once they have made their victim feel trapped, that's when it gets bad. By that point straight up telling the victim to leave won't work because they love their abuser and they've found a way to justify the abuse so it doesn't seem so bad. By then the abuser has often also alienated them from their friends and family so they feel like they can't reach out to anyone. All you can really do is let the victim know they can depend on you and trust you, and make sure they know you'll help them leave if they choose to. But in the end, they have to male that choice themselves
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
None of this is love. Hell, I was in a similar situation years ago. I had an ex who punched me so hard in my jaw that it bruised... and I still have problems with it to this day. I was too scared to say something myself (fear of retaliation or making the abuse worse), I hoped someone else would.
One day outside he hit me and one of his neighbors said he saw it and called the cops. We went inside and he was BEGGING me to lie for him so he wouldn't get in trouble. I told him he should have thought about that before laying his hands on me. He was too terrified to do anything because he was worried about the cops. I sat there waiting and praying they'd get there soon... waited over a half hour. They never showed.
The same guy knocked on the door twice asking who the kid was who hit the girl, his mom and sister shut the door in his face. Neither of them seemed to give a damn. I still wish that neighbor hadn't been so full of it because I was counting on him having called the cops.
The point is, to everybody saying she needs to take care of herself, oftentimes in these situations the abused is too terrified to say something themselves. The other women should be trying to protect her, not the abuser. He needs to be put away. If anybody in my family was doing that, I'd be calling the cops.
Women cover for abusive men ‘and’ abusive women. You out of fear. Them out of fear. It’s the same thing with rougher parts of urban life. No body speaks up out of fear and fear of retaliation. All this ever does is contribute to escalation.
Back to your moment. Men tend only to fear other men. Women will often defend their abusers even violently against other men. I have experienced this first hand as a Deputy when placing husbands or boyfriends into custody. Who mind you in every event were completely compliant. Their wife or girlfriend on the other hand would become combative. Two even bit two different partners. Which mind you is felony assault upon an officer in contrast to his (their “man’s”) misdemeanor domestic violence. Domestic calls were always shit shows to be dispatched too.
This circle of fear is how escalation is allowed to exist. No one spoke up...
I assume you broke away from this individual. Which means you also know how to recognize the hint of this form of behavior in another for ever after. I say this bizarrely speaking from my own personal experience with a violent ex-fiancé. It can happen to even the strongest. Never again. What strikes me is that no one ever approached her about her behavior. They always approached me about her behavior. Including once from her sister, a couple times by her closer friends, and several times by my own then supervisor. But no one ever spoke up to her. No one ever confronts, “them”. It totally fucks with you on every level. They crazy thing is, it is so ingrained on men to not hit or fight back against women, even the abusive ones that even in my knowing full well I could swiftly responded. I did not because I knew in the end through all that hell, it would ultimately be me to be taken away in LE jewelry. Crazier still how “walking away” is not the easy option observers make it out to be because the abusive will seek you out like god damn predatorial animal seeking its wounded prey. Fucking demon woman...
Of course I would. That's fucked up, and I'm responsible for his upbringing. No son of mine is ever going to beat other people for anything that isn't pure self-defense. I'd be really disappointed in him and I'd not only talk to him, but also encourage him to get anger management treatment (depending on his age I'd likely even try to force him there).
Sounds like the girl is in an abusive relationship since she was willing to lie to the cops just to protect him, when she should focus on protecting herself. If I were the mom in this situation, I'd likely even talk to her, give her support, and encourage her to break up because clearly my son is not ready for a real relationship. I would never be able to stand by and watch my son treat someone else like that. That's horrible.
That guy is an asshole and so is the mother for enabling his shit behaviour. They both better hope they don't do it in front of a decent person, like myself, who cares about injustice and people being bullied and beat up on. Cause I'd call the cops, and stand there until they got there, and then do a police report on that son of a bitch. Violence is never okay. This is why serial killers sometimes get away with stuff. Cause their parents turn a blind eye.
The problem is that the cops can't do anything as long as she (the girlfriend). Says it's okay. So to be honest if that's all you would do it wouldn't help at all.
Now, I don't plan on having children, but if this happened, I wouldn't hesitate to call the police and get him to face the consequences of his actions immediately. And I'd be there for his girlfriend and provide for her (if need be) until she gets through mental/physical abuse treatment.
It would be hard for me to have much compassion for my son in terms of the consequences he'd face because I would have already been through this topic all throughout his life. But I'd probably still be there for him if I see the possibility of improvement on his part.
I think someone should definitely step in and make things right. The girlfriend might be too afraid to. Is afraid of him? Like if she calls the police, does she feel like he's gonna harm her?
Yes, anyone should step in if they see someone being abused... My ex mother in law beat her own son off me cuz he was on top of me stradling me, choking me
@dariofromhell what cops do in their homes according to your statistics is irrelevant to the fact this guy needs to be reported. The same goes to the cup who abuse his partner too. You report them. Not all cups abuse their spouses and not everyone will turn a blind eye. So your argument is BS. Four times more likely does not indicate that the boyfriend won't be held accountable when cups are called on him. The two things are not even remotely correlated.
Your mother is part of the abuse cycle and is victim blaming (She is saying it is justified if she was "... being a bitch?"), so I won't expect her to stand up for the girl anytime soon or ever. She is protecting the abuser (your stepbrother? Your mother's stepson?) and she loves him and doesn't care about the rights or damage done to the girl.
You are the one who has a problem with the situation and sees the abuse and should report it to the authorities, with any evidence or documentation you can provide such as photos or written testimonial. Even just texting your mom "hey what happened did he really push her, slap her and kick her on the ground?" and if she confirms it on text take some screenshots for the cops. Be careful though since if you do this once and she finds out then you lost her trust and she won't give evidence again so easily. You might want to record a series of texts first so you have more evidence before presenting it all to the police.
Anyway, good luck and good on you for having concern for a fellow human being. That poor girl should leave your stepbrother but she probably doesn't feel able to or deserving of being treated well, like so many women stuck in that cycle of abuse.
I would give him an attitude adjustment that he would never forget; and warn him that if ever found out that he ever again put his hands an a woman to hurt her, he would get more of the same. Guys, a woman is not something you own. She is not your property. She is not livestock like a camel or a sheep, or even a pet like a dog. You have no right to control her. A woman is a full human being with the same rights and privileges as you have, and her rights and feelings must be respected, just as you want yours respected. An amazing and novel concept, huh? Where on earth to some guys get the idea that they have a right to bully, control, and physically assault women? I suspect it's because they were raised by fathers who had no respect for women, and it just gets perpetuated generation after generation. Or they have such poor self-esteem that they can't imagine any woman would want to stay with them if she weren't forced to. And this mother needs a checkup from the neck up as well! Imagine justifying your son or stepson committing violence against a woman or against anybody! She also needs a real attitude adjustment (but I wouldn't hit her). By the way, I 100% don't believe in the old double standard, either!
Strange for me that, the mother is the one who make justice. Is very dificul for me to think to this situation, because, moust probably moust of the mothers will just stay and watch or live the fight to end but will be the first who will come to help her girl in any way, medicine, excuse, phone to friends and so on... this is a description of what i THINK it will hapen in my country. The father will do in a complet diferent way... Personaly i will intervence, give some punch on my son face to knok him at the grownd, apologizing for the situation to the girl and try to negociate something in order to not fuck up our family: money, brake up whit my son, medical help, so a future favori if i'm the person who see know i can to some things for some of her future problems. I will then take my son in the hows and beat him like hell, he will NOT do what his grandparents had done in the comunist time and to me and my sister and if he will fight back i will 100% call the police, ask him, you want to go to jail for yares or stay down and take it. Afther i finish whit him, tell him not ever to see that girl or try to go afther her. If he will i will give all the help to the other girl and olso to the police. The fight in my opinion is just a small action in order to show that is the critical alarm before he make another stap to jail. We have a qotes, it say "I made you, I kill you"
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
That’s horrible and I’ll say this. I was in an abusive relationship for a year before I recently got out of it and I will say it was when his mother pulled me upstairs to her room and talked to me all night about not having to accept his abuse, to love myself more and enough to walk away and to fight back and call the cops. She told me all that despite him being her son because she says wrong is wrong and she went through a abusive relationship herself and that her son (my boyfriend at the time) knew this and yet he still goes and hit on me. She even told me how one time she heard him hitting me and was gonna come downstairs and literally do something to her own son because it brought back memories of her abusive past and she said the only thing that stopped her was her daughter (his sister) who also lives with them locking her bedroom door and telling her “Mom don’t go down there and intervene because I know you’ll probably hurt him if you do” and that really opened my eyes and not long after that I left him. I had to block him on everything so he can’t get in touch with me and so far it’s worked but the emotional trauma is still there.
If I ever laid hands on my girlfriend or wife my dad and my granddad would beat the absolute shit out of me. So I'd do the same if my son ever did that. I'm not one of those guys who says a man should never hit a woman cause to be honest I personally believe everyone has the right to defend themselves wether it's a woman or man. But I'm getting off topic. I would have to intervene and put it a stop to it. I don't care if they would be family abuse is never okay. Hopefully if I ever have a son I'll never have to worry about this. Cause I hope to raise my kids how my parents raised me. To be respectful to your elders and not be a pussy who abuses women
In this case, the loving thing is for him to learn from his actions. And to protect her. You don't abandon him forever to the wolves, because that is also cruel. But covering for him in this instance isn't loving for either him or his girlfriend. It's just the mother protecting her own vanity. Letting him go to jail means admitting her own failure. And she can't.
In that instance, I would have let the cops take him. Yes, I'd look like a failure for needing to have a child of mine locked up. But at this point, I'd deserve it. I'd do what's necessary to protect the girl, to prove that I'm at least not a failure at everything.
Most definitely, if he’s a grown man I’d think I didn’t do great as a mother.. but I’d give him the “I didn’t raise you like that” talk and will try to speak some sense into him.. I’ll talk to the girlfriend since she doesn’t have any family in the country and will try to help her open up and talk about the issue, convince her this is not love, offer help cause maybe she can’t leave cause she’s on her own? If it keeps going I’ll report him. I mean this will most definitely backfire at my son cause she’ll eventually understand this is not what love is and will develop some resentment for him and it’s better to break up the toxic cycle now than few years down the line when they have their own family and all.. if she’s doing something to provoke him there’re so many other ways to tell her to stop than abusing her.. can we all stop assuming girls who got abused must’ve done something.. That’s the mother trying to dodge the issue in my opinion.
I would plan on talking with her specifically. And telling her that if she ever needs help not to be ashamed to ask for it. I'd appeal to her simply because guys don't always listen to reason. He could seemingly whole heartedly take advice then beat her the same day. I'd research and give her crisis phone numbers and women's shelters. Once she leaves him, then you can talk to him. Because i think then he will be ready ti listen to reason. When people are in the middle of power like that... It's hard ti talk to them but it's not wrong to try and talk to your son. And don't let him say it's not my fault, ignore when he says this. State how you feel and allow him to take that in.
Yes the mom is an enabler. She is justifying her sons abuse instead of telling him that what he’s doing is wrong. She is most likely part of the reason why he grew up to be abusive in the first place. My abuser’s mom was like this too. She blamed me for his abusive behavior and told me I must’ve done something to instigate it. She told me to leave him alone or she’d get cops involved even though her son was the one constantly contacting me & begging me to be with me. She is definitely in the wrong and a terrible woman with no empathy or compassion.
It would depend on what she did to be honest... 10 years ago ide have been at his throat if I saw it but nowadays, incase you haven’t heard, women are equal.
And to be frank... much of the shit women do these days ide probably slap the shit out of her. Don’t pay your hands on me. Don’t spit on me. Don’t get in my face. Don’t destroy my shit. The first two is a trip to the ground the last two you better let me walk away because if you follow like sooooo many women these days would well...
A woman who puts herself in the place of a man can’t complain when she’s man handled.
Again 10 years ago punching me in the face ide take it but not anymore. Women arnt ladies anymore.
I don't care who you are. If my son lays a hand on a woman like that i beat his ass to the jail myself. But my son is being raised to have a healthy respect for all people and especially women. Anyone who witnessed what happened and doesn't report it is just as guilty. The victim is obviously afraid to report it for fear of what he may do to her and she has no one to turn to here. She will need help. Yes stepmom should not have backed stepson up. He will only think it is okay to do it again. She could be charged at this point as well for being complicit of his actions.
If he was my son, I would not be on his side with this. He'd get an earful. If he got thrown in jail, it's his own damn fault. I might even call the cops myself and testify as a witness.
This is why some police departments have a policy to always arrest someone when they go on a domestic call. It's common for the one being hit to not press charges. They are just wasting the time of the police, and putting police in danger. So they either arrest the person who did the hitting, or arrest the person who called for filing a false report (or whatever the charge is).
What I think is happening if that the girl has her reasons to endure this situation.
You said she didn't have any family so she probably doesn't have anyone that supports her.
I do think she needs to leave this guy as fast as possible. But the real question is can she?
I don't know does she live alone in a house? Does she have a job and so on. It isn't possible to go back to her parents like everyone would.
She will leave him eventually when she probably can but I think for the moment she needs him for something.
And as for the mother she must step in on things like this. She should teach her stepson to have some respect to woman. If you have an argument okay. Throwing bad words at each other maybe. (wouldn't recommend it thought) But never ever hitting each other or anything else that is similar.
