Why can't I shake off my boyfriends ex?

[Anonymous]

She was horrible and really fucked with me. My boyfriend and I are done with her. But it just I'm insecure and whenever he talks about his ex I suddenly get angry or just sink into a really low depression. Mind you he doesn't bring it up, unless someone asks or he tries to not get into a conversation about her because of how I feel. But his dad does or someone asks. I had asked his dad to kindly not bring her up or talk about her because she really messed with me.
Just I can't seem to let it go and I'm unsure as to why I'm jealous of her. She was really messing with me and it fucked me up bad, now I'm insecure feel not good enough and get intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend and her. It's just left me in a mess and my boyfriend always tries to make me feel loved. But the thoughts and insecurities are there.

Updates

+1 y

It's like everytime I get reminders of her or just see someone that looks like her, I start to grow anxious, scared and insecure. This only started after she started messing with me. We are done with her. But the affects of her messing with me like sending me a picture of herself. Mind you I never payed attention to her features before. But after that I started to see that she's more prettier than me. Then, ontop of that bugging me to text my boyfriend and telling me that they were really close

[Sheyhoney]

This is called retroactive jealousy. It’s a serious issue and I know from experience it can lead to depression and self loathing. What helped me was looking up videos on how to cope with retroactive jealousy and I promise you it will help. It definitely helped me ! Pm if you have any questions or if you want any recommendations. Your feelings are absolutely valid.

[Luckycharms12]

I'm sorry you felt that way

[Sheyhoney]

@Luckycharms12 it’s okay thanks !

[Luckycharms12]

Any time 😉

[Asker]

Thank you, I just can't seem to shake it and I don't know why
But this helps

[Sheyhoney]

I know I hate the feeling so much

[Luckycharms12]

Guess talking and moving on not in past

[Luckycharms12]

He shouldn't talk about her really she in the past

[Asker]

I agree, just his dad was bringing it up even after telling him I didn't like it they both still talked about his ex's not just the one. But his dad was talking about like who he liked or what he didn't like that she did or some other ex did. His dad talked about liking one of the girls he was with. I should of just walked away. But it just really took me down and bothered me

[Asker]

We all got into a random conversation about shit that started with his sister and worked the way up to his dad talking about his ex's mainly the one ex I've discussed. I honestly haven't let go what she did to me and she really messed with me and I don't like her cause she's not a good person, loves to play the victim and all this shit. But just they talked then he apologized and he hasn't talked about it at all and I'm just gonna have a talk with him and be like please stop talking about her and I told his dad how I felt but he kept going and they talked about it. I don't know... it really put me in a shitty place

[havingfun101]

Competition anxiety is a sign of weakness

[Asker]

Don't feel it's a weakness but it's a sign of poor self esteem and deeper issues with myself. Plus, I don't really know if it's competition anxiety. She was messing with me and I allowed her to get to me with not having enough confidence. I just don't know how to shake it off. I'm not like this. But after she messed with me I just changed and now am a ball of just insecurities and just anxiety. I've had this with another girl and she was psychologically messing with me to the point I wanted to kill myself all cause she wanted my boyfriend. She would say things behind my back tell me things about him and her and she would treat me like shit and beat me down. His ex wasn't on that level but she was doing the same thing. But in secret. We didn't talk to her for long so she didn't have time to pull the shit with me the other girl did. But she messed with me to get me to think my boyfriend was fucking with me and all this.

[Asker]

K your not helping me and that was not nice. By thank you for the advice but no thank you

[havingfun101]

Weak and willfully stupid.

[Asker]

Dude your not any better your 33 years old picking on a 20 year old. If you can't be nice and respect me then get off this app and just leave me alone or I will report you again for harassment. I don't need you to treat me like shit and frankly you don't give a damn so leave me alone

[havingfun101]

It's only harrassment now that you asked me to stop, so you're a crybully. Fine, don't become more attractive.

[Asker]

I came on here for advice not to be beat down by a grown was adult who is more older than me should know better than to do shit like that. If you comment again I will report you over and over again and I hope your account gets shut down. People come on this site to deal with their shit and ask for advice if you don't like my response simply be kind and say look I don't agree and don't see it that way but I hope the best for you. You don't need to say these things. If you can't be nice and treat people nice and if someone doesn't see it your way that doesn't make them stupid or weak nor does it give you the right to treat that person horribly. Please leave me alone or I will continue to report you because no one not even me deserves this treatment and you shouldn't be doing stuff like this. I don't know you but your not a nice dude
Leave me alone
Thank you for the advice and I hope your night goes well. But no thank you for the advice and bye