I think I’m losing interest in him what do I do?

[Anongirlly]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year now and this is my first real relationship. We have had a lot of trouble in our relationship and as of late it’s gotten really rough. I’ve always felt very passionately about him and our relationship, I was the one that constantly wanted to hang out, I was the one who always called or did little things to let him know I was thinking of him. I used to get super excited to see him or just talk to him and overall I just felt really happy being with him regardless of what we were going through, but as of late I haven’t been feeling the same way.

I dread our boring conversation over the phone, and seeing him isn’t exciting to me, I think about what it would be like if we broke up fairly often and I find it hard to show affection now. This started about a month ago and it was almost instant like a switch in my brain, and as much as I try to force myself to be interested I can’t. The reason I haven’t left is because of guilt, I did something that I’m not proud of (no I didn’t cheat) which is one of the reasons are relationship has been so bad lately and Id feel horrible for leaving a relationship just because I wasn’t happy for a little... it feels like I’m giving up on it especially because I see him trying so hard to make things work.

I don’t know if this feeling is temporary and it will go away and I don’t want to make a decision based on temporary emotions I’m not sure if this is something most couples experience or if this is a sign that I should leave. I need to make a decision quickly because he’s beginning to notice the shift and I’m having a hard time hiding it but I don’t want to tell him and hurt him if it’s just a phase.
(P. S : I started going to therapy after I did the thing I wasn’t proud of, I’m not sure if that could be a factor in why I have been feeling how I feel because my therapist does point out a lot of negative things about our relationship)

[Zeppelinrocks]

I mean has your therapist talked to you about the phases a relationship goes through? There are points in which you lose feelings every once in a while, and usually they come back. But there is a fine line between losing feelings temporarily as a part of a phase and losing feelings permanently and just stringing your man along because you feel bad. He’s a person that I’m sure you still love and respect, right? I’m sure you’d agree that he doesn’t deserve a pitied, half-assed, or inauthentic relationship. I would sit him down and talk with him candidly about how you’re feeling- judging from what you wrote, he’s probably already anxious about this, and until you address the elephant in the room, you’re both going to continue feeling terrible. You can tell him how you’re feeling without having the conversation end in a breakup. When I was in the same position in the past, I had this conversation because I wanted to take the situation and relationship seriously and give it the effort it deserved to try to mend things. Did it work out? No; but at least I tried, and in the end, I was happier that I did, and he was more “okay” with me leaving because he knew that I gave it the best I had.

[Zeppelinrocks]

I want to emphasize also that relationships aren’t all sunshine and roses. Love is hard. The love you felt in the beginning was puppy love- true commitment is different, and requires more work. You need to decide if this person is worth it.