Is there a way to repair this relationship issue?

[meggykentums]

My girlfriend and I have come to realize we treat each other less like romantic partners and more like friends with benefits's. We're kind of evaluating whether we should continue or just downgrade to friends. Personally I'm kind of thinking an impending breakup is around the corner.

But of course, I don't want to just give up. Is there something we could try before dissolving the relationship? Or does it sound like we should just be friends and move on?

Updates

+1 y

We talked things out more and decided on a mutual breakup. We went over some of the suggestions here and agreed that it sounded like it would be too little too late. We're going to spend some time apart and then hang out as friends in a few weeks. Thanks everyone for the insight and advice!

[AmandaYVR]

It's a challenging question and situation, but I'm not sure any of us could help you with ideas as to how to go forward, when we don't know how your relationship came to this point.

How long have you been together?
There's a natural progression that happens with relationships, and part of their 'success' or continuation is about recognizing, and accepting, that it will not feel the same as it did, at all points in it's duration. Do you know what I mean?
I think men are a bit more apt to conclude that a relationship is no longer romantic in nature, when the sex dissolves, or dies down. Sexless marriages make up, by some studies, ~ 20% of all those after [x - I forget how many years], which is a bit shocking. Most numbers I've read are ~ 4% or something. And then you have to define 'sexless', which is a broad term and people have different expectations and definitions, themselves.

Some people believe there should be a pre-scheduled 'date night' on the calendar every month (week, whatever), and others do the same with sex.
Some other people believe this feels too rigid, and takes even more romance out of the relationship, because scheduling spontaneity is kind of... gross/unappealing.

But I lean towards the conclusion that this is really more about expectations.
Even with two women, one may be more feeling than the other - one could be pragmatic, logical, sensible, responsible. Another may be more out-of-the-box in thinking and temperament, likes astrology, believes in karma, fate, yada yada (these are just sort of random examples to try and exemplify what I'm getting at, generally.)
In male:female relationships, it's often the guy who is expected to 'wine and dine' his female partner, even if they have been together for years. Because romance is more of a priority/preference for females.

Relationships that don't involve kids, and property/assets, and are complex and entrenched, do not necessarily need to stay together for practical reasons. Sometimes it is these very obligations, etc., that do tie people together (which can be bad, or good.)
When they maybe should part is when they treat each other poorly.
But yours is sort of in between, I gather.
Maybe you both want more, and wonder if a better, more exciting life is out there for one or both of you. And that's a valid question. But remember, that excitement comes from novelty, and discovery, and its impact is ultimately fleeting. And it's obviously a risk to give up what you have, in order for a chance of finding this with someone new.

I'm not going to make up a list of 'ways to spice up your love life', as there are endless articles written about this. You only have to google it.
In my opinion, the solutions to that are complicated, and are relationship-person-specific. But here's what I think it hinges on...
You need more time together. Or, you need less time together. It's paradoxical, but only in so far as me, some stranger, trying to guess which one is right for you two.
Distance breeds longing. And longing breeds desire. And desire breeds passion.
But maybe it's about the time that you do spend together, and it's not 'quality.' Do you pick at each other? Do you never try anything new? Does one bear more burden of responsibility than the other, and the other is bitter? Do you challenge each other enough? Do you challenge each other too much? Are you bored? Have you tapped into each other's well, and it has run dry? If that is the case, you both need to go out (either individually, or together) and try and garner some new experiences, which will invigorate one or both of you, and give you some new things to talk, or think about.

[AmandaYVR]

I am a big believer in change. Some change is very, very difficult. I know that, in the deepest and most kick-you-in-the-gut kind of way. You need to 'disrupt' your relationship - disruption as in inject some major element of change. Often, that takes two people to unpack it, have some very awkward conversations, but if you can get to the other side of that, and arrive at the basic same page, then you will be the better for it. I won't try to guess what that may be, it's very personal to each person and couple. But I would just caution you to avoid falling into the too-easy trapped thinking of, "I'm bored. I think it's time to move on." Because that is only a temporary situation. It will happen again, later. If you can find some new variables, and inject them into this dynamic, you might have something. You'll both just have to be very open-minded, as you brainstorm ideas together.

Best of luck to you. I've read some of your other comments here and I think you have it in you to handle this complex situation with a deft hand.

[meggykentums]

Thank you so much! I probably oversimplified the question, but your response has given me good things to consider.

[Agape93]

Try and take a trip together somewhere quiet, just the two of you. Go hiking or something, maybe have a picnic at the end and try to reconnect. If it doesn’t seem to help at all, then it’s probably best to call it quits whilst you are still good with each other

[NathanDavis]

If, at the start of the relationship you were actually more of romantic partners, and that has been fading away over time, till it felt more like friends with benefits. Then that is when I think you and your partner could keep trying, not give up... see if you could both do something to get back to that point (also, if that is something you both want)

If the relationship, from the start was more like friends with benefits, that did not develop onto a more of romantic partnets, that is when I think it would be more difficult to stay together and try to reach it, if it did not happen "naturally" over time, then I feel like changing things and trying to get there might be a bit of "forcing it"

I think the most important thing here, while you two evaluate stuff is that, whatever you two decide to do, it should be something you both really feel like, and want... that you're both on the same page, whether is to keep trying, or to remain friends, to me that is the most important so it won't feel more of a bad break up or something that "failed"

[NathanDavis]

Edit/update... glad to hear you both talked things through and decided on this together,

[Apope16]

First... both of you need to stop masturbating and have sex every 3 to 4 days. When you stop masturbating it will make the sex that much more horny. When you space out the sex you miss it. But dont space it out more than 7 days.

Second, you guys need to sleep at night together. I would say 3 to 7 days per week. You need to have it feel weird when you are not in each other's arms at night.

Third, you need to start treating her as your wife without even having to tell her. So what that means is do sweet things like clean the dishes for her. Maybe make some food together as a date. Turn on music in the home together. Be romantic with each other even if it seems fake at first. Do other chores together.

Fourth, turn of the tv. when you are together limit tv and movies. just be together enjoying each others company. play cards or games.

Lastly, have your own hobbies or independent lives.

LEt me know how this works okay? I want to know!

[jerdanro]

Be romantic. Treat her like your Queen. Kiss her for no reason. Talk about her day and her goals. Take a genuine intrest in her. I'm sure you already do, but sometimes partners forget to show their love, interest, and support.

As a woman, I'm sure you know what makes you feel loved, safe, and confident. Do that for her. Show her that you love, support, and want her. Neck kisses. Neck kisses are important. If you feel love for her, show her at every opportunity. And sometimes give her orgasms without expecting anything in return. I say "tonight is all about you" Then eat her pussy like you're starving. Lol. Great couples make love and they fuck like demons. Sometimes both at the same time

That's the advice I give to men. I hope it helps you too.

[loveslongnails]

If "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" it's because your relationship is already over and neither of you wants to admit it. You're too young for "couples counseling" and I didn't hear any mention of real love, correct?

I disagree that you have an "issue" within the relationship, because the issue essentially IS the relationship, so it sounds !! Without the romance, you want out it seems. Stay friends if you can.

[Anonymous]

Ask yourself would you be ok for her and you to have other sexual partners?
You could be just really close friends. It doesn't have to be a breakup as such.
Or define yourselves as a relationship and focus your energies as being besties first and foremost.

[DollAlone]

If there is no romance or feelings involved , then your really just glorified booty calls , do both yourselves a favor and end it before one of you gets hurt amd then you won't even have your friendship anymore

[TheSpaceGnome]

Are you exclusive or poly? if the former, than friends with benefits is a relationship.
I'm not sure what next level you are trying to reach with her? marriage is just an exclusive best friend with sexual benefits, what is it you think is missing?

[Gwenhwyfar]

Honestly you’re probably not gonna like this but you could try not hooking up with other people

[meggykentums]

XD I'd just end up cheating. I see your point but I haven't quite had this issue in previous open relationships.

[Gwenhwyfar]

I understand. I’ve never had an open relationship but a lot of the ones I’ve observed don’t work out in the end.

[Anonymous]

Talk with the members in the lgbtq plus communities. You should find your answers lot easier than some places. Remember you and all the lgbtq plus have more powers then anybody else

[Twalli]

Maybe do more romantic and less sexual things ifvyou really want it to work.

[EaterPeter]

Re-kindle. Re-ignite the fire, turn the heat up, this may not sound right. Warm up to your partner.

[EaterPeter]

Try to get in to positive override from negative override.

[JamieLoves]

I don’t know about lesbians. I’m a breeder

[In_Trance]

move on

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

nope