I'm starting to think my boyfriend is dense and I can't help but lose respect for him. How can I overcome this issue before it's too late?

[Iakam]

My boyfriend is a great guy and we have a wonderful relationship. The only thing is, I started losing respect for him over time. He doesn't know how to deal with his coworkers and every day he sends screenshots of conversations asking what they mean and how to respond. I advise him, not wanting him to get in trouble. He also asks when he doesn't know how to talk to others like customer service, his bank or landlord. He asks about simple things when I can see the solutions immediately.

Every week or 2, he loses his wallet only to find it hours or days later. He loses it for good every few months. Last 2 months, he lost and replaced his keys 3 times. He loses items of lesser importance every few days. He lost money because of carelessness like not giving a 30 day notice to cancel wifi because he didn't know. He did this with his lease agreement too and lost the deposit. If something's not working (like a website or machine), he doesn't troubleshoot, he tries the same thing until I notice and help. He breaks things because of misuse.

He does something that I feel is foolish almost daily. I advise him with solutions but he hasn't learned to use the same methods on his own. I can't understand why he doesn't see even the simplest 1-second solutions.

My close friend said I'm exceptionally self-sufficient and good at problem solving, so I might have high expectations. I tried to lower my expectations but his level of problem solving is to the point where I feel he lacks common sense. I tell myself everyone's good at different things and his behavior doesn't mean he's lacking in intelligence. He is a great athlete and knowledgeable in his field, plays many musical instruments, so I know he isn't dumb. But I dont know how to stop feeling this way whenever I see his behavior. I dont know how to adjust or talk to him about this issue w/o hurting his feelings.

Updates

+1 y

And it's not that he doesn't care about things, he's always very upset, stressed or sad whenever he can't get something to work or he loses an item or money. Seeing how upset he is not only brings my mood down but makes me lose respect for him because I can't understand why he won't learn if these problems cause him so much distress.

[Anonymous]

i was involved recently with a massive problem with my landlord where i ended up swearing at the p. o. s because of a live cat i found inside a dumpster on the her property. so now she's trying to retaliate against me by trying to evict me and i have lawyers on the phone. but the irony here is she was lying to her regional manager about the situation, refusing to hand over surveillence footage for the crime scene to the animal control and the spca and is involved in a massive felony investigation that she's trying to weasel her way out of. as for losing stuff the only thing i "lost" aka stolen was my drivers license because a receptionist at urgent care didn't give it back to me so i had to file a police report on it and against them. urgent care even flat out admitted they had 2 other drivers licenses that belonged to women so they been keeping and witholding people's drivers licenses which is illegal. sonetimes people are put in situations they didn't want to be stuck in. as for common sense, i see a lack of common sense everyday every minute in my state for that matter.

[boggboss]

I'm not sure what to say as if its somthing u can't get over then your essentially going to sabotage the relationship as u don't have respect for him my girl can be socialy awkward and find it hard to talk to people and clumsy but I would never see that as a option to see her as any less then I currently do I just understand that she can be clumsy and has problems with social interaction people can't be perfect yakno

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Wow maybe he struggles because he had a concussion.. or some other health struggle or even an abusive relationship that he didn't have the ability/opportunity to learn like you did...

His body might be constantly in the fight or flight mode.. and when troubles arise he's running to you cause he can't come up with a solution on his own.. after you show or tell him the same thing 3 times ask him what did we do last time? Get him to be confident in himself again

[PeacefulRainDrop]

According to Google: It can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.

Be patient with him if you love him if not then knowing when you leave him.. he will be worse off for awhile he's learned he can depend on you.. he trusts you more than he trusts himself

[exitseven]

Hopefully he has a lot of good qualities. He is not very organized and lacks problem solving skills. He may improve over time but don't put money on it. If he is truly sincere about wanting to do better I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Just remember that you are his girlfriend and not his mother.

[Anonymous]

You don't "talk to him" because this is the way he is and likely not going to change. What YOU have to do is really look at the relationship and ask yourself, "is this the guy for me?". It doesn't sound like it. But if it is, you have to learn to accept him the way he is, just as he does (or should) you. Maybe the way you are drives him nuts too? lol

[Adam1978]

He doesn't have the maturity to be independent, which means he isn't a good match as a partner. It's like you raising a teen forever. I say you losing respect for him is natural and a sign that you need another partner who got his shit together.

[Anonymous]

Get out now before you hurt him.
He needs someone warm hearted to help him in life and that does not appear to be you. I'd guess when he finds someone like that, he'll probably love them to death.
Fortunately you've come to your conclusion before kids and marriage (good for you). Find someone more suitable.
There are any number of conditions that explain his lack of executive function and apparent dizziness. Many of them do not indicate stupidity.

[slatyb]

It sounds like he may have an attention deficit disorder. Has he spoken to a professional about this? He should.

[Surely]

I have seen people like him. They are so intelligent, yet they have no mechanical skills and definitely no common sense.
If you are like me. Call it quits and move on to somebody that you are more inline with.
Cause he will drive you crazy!

[Wise4myage]

In my opinion, he's not right for you and you should think about moving on. He needs therapy for his issues, and adjusting to his behavior won't be easy.

[friendzoned4life]

So because he is having hard times you think about dumping him?


Well fuck you

[Luckycharms12]

If he great and only problem is he isn't a bright as you. Seems harsh

[TallAnon]

Just gotta accept he's good at certain things and bad at others, just like all humans.

[DWornock]

Dump him. He's a problem you don't need.

[Iron_Man]

Talk it out with him

[lpoots]

he will not change

[Iakam]

I'm not expecting him to change, I'm trying to get other perspectives on the situation and wondering if I might be able to adjust.

[lpoots]

how old is he

[Bray77]

That sucks