Do you feel hopeless in your search for love?

Question

fashionguy17 · Accepted Answer

Not to sound like an ass, but a lot of people I see posting here seem to be bitter... but, again, that's just my opinion.

Now... do I feel hopeless in my search of love? Yes and no. Let me explain.

I am a strange guy. I love anime, cartoons, self-improvement, working out, reading, writing and creative pursuits. I don't smoke weed, I don't do drugs, I don't have tattoos and I live a pretty clean/healthy lifestyle. Because of my hobbies, I don't mesh with a lot of people and I have a small circle of friends.

Prior to 2017, I never had a real relationship. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25 (that was in 2015) and I used to go on countless dates with women... but I never got anywhere with them.

In 2017, on Tinder, after racking up 200+ matches and not connecting with any of the women I matched with... I became hopeless... until I finally found a woman I meshed with. It was almost love at first sight. We will call this girl "Sally".

Sally and I had a great relationship and we had so many things in common. Our relationship lasted until 2020. She broke up with me in October. For the sake of this post... I won't go into too much detail or it will be long. Lol. But... after Sally broke up with me, I became hopeless.

From October 2020 to March 2021... I was super hopeless and depressed. Lost a ton of weight, cried every night, listed to love songs. I was distraught. Had to take anti-depressents, went to counceling and had to pick myself up.

From March 2021 to now... I have gained 50 lbs from intense working out. I am now 190 lbs and extremely muscular. Purchased a house. Started some new businesses. Started reading a lot more. Improved my fashion. Started doing Jiu Jutsu and boxing. I am basically a new man.

Decided to try Tinder again recently. Racked up 369 matches (currently looking at it). Lol. Went out on 20+ dates... all of them were duds. I started losing hope again. THEN... last Tuesday... I went on a date with a girl from Tinder. This girl rocked my socks. It was like love at first sight. We meshed well. She liked anime, writing, working out, reading, had no tattoos, did no drugs, snappy dresser, extremely motivated... she reminded me of myself and we had soooooo much to talk about. We will call her "Sarah". For the past week... Sarah and I have been talking a lot and we went on our second date last night... and it ended on a good note (I'll let you use your imagination here). Lol. So much chemistry between us! The only issue is... she is moving to New York City in 2 months :(. But... spending time with Sarah has made me forget about Sally and Sarah is a much better match for me.

Even though I am going to lose Sarah in 2 months (since she is moving)... it gave me hope that love is still out there for me. It's harder for me to find love, due to my personality and my hobbies... but I am optimistic that love is still out there for me. Even though I am not looking for love (well, I should say, it's below my main priorities)... I am always open to the possibilities.

Pasiton5 · Accepted Answer

Man hell yeah, maybe it's my fault, see I never had any problems attracting women was fun when I was s teen into young adult hood, but it was too easy and I admit I like a woman who's hard to get one you really got to put your work in for to win her affection, it's more satisfying, and I like to earn what who I have, so I thought I would try on line dating never knew a damn thing about it only reading the rave reviews other dudes write about their experience, did I get a good education, I mean it's like the wild west on line, the women held nothing back on some sites, scammers man this is their playground, I mean that's all I encountered and the crap they were spinning I'm like serious dudes fall for this shit, it's all about take care of me trust me I need my phone or internet bill paid before it's cut off and we can't talk anymore, can you do me a favor, I'm like hell I'm not responsible for you bills and you didn't run it up talking to me, and hearing can you do me a favor, I just say how much you looking for, and I'm doing at that point, and getting cussed out cause I won't give them a dime, must have been hundreds of time, followed by their trying to blame you guilt you cause they're using fake profiles, no one is real online even those g damn sites are fakes all of them, using bots, cgi generated women to get you to talk more buy packages, it's insane what goes on in these sites and nothing is real so I'm back to meeting women in the real world still have phone numbers left on my car by women in parking lot only I'm calling them this time not tossing it away like I used to do, so I learn to live with if it comes too easy so what, better than nothing right,

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

No, I just don't go and seek. I don't have time for bs. I hope for someone who deserves me not just want me. How can I meet that potential someone? He has to be my friend first unfortunately. Many people are alone and have trust issues to even want to start something new with someone.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

No because I'm not searching.. While I believe love exists, I also believe too many are caught up in their biases and bitterness and selfishness to be capable of love..

Apope16 · Answer

Yes. A lot of girls out there are having sex with me but I dont see women who are loyal, faithful, and are wifey material. I ask myself do I want her to be the mother of my children? I just dont see it.

HiveBee · Answer

Nah. Some girl always comes along. I could probably do absolutely nothing and I'll find someone eventually.

But I dont want the bottom of the barrel. So I have to try at least a little.

The question really, is can I find a girl who deserves me?

I could find sluts to fuck but finding a girl to marry is a whole different ball game. I just dont want to settle. I also learned from being married and know I have to be far more selective!

It is kind of scary seeing as how often times when i flirt with women, they have a husband or boyfriend. Makes me not want to date seeing as how i see girls constantly flirting behind their mans back.

I like to think I'm a good SO. Top quality in fact, in terms of relationships anyways. And that dont mean shit to girls. They couldnt identify a good man if their lives depended on it lol.

So I have little worry of finding someone. The real worry, is she turns out to be a relentless whore who cheats on me. And i have zero belief that if you were cheated on, somehow its your fault. I know it ain't. Can happen to anyone no matter how good a partner you are.

So yea. Not too worried about finding love. It's a matter of finding someone who deserves my love and is also not a rampaging cock addict on the side.

ascienceguy · Answer

No, I don't feel hopeless nor searching for it.
I am feeling a very valuable feeling for someone this very moment. I may not see them ever though.
Over all my experiences, I believe love is to be carved with all that is good and bad. By giving, accepting and living together.
I don't know for you all but the idea of love do sound meaningful to me in sense of something that lays foundation to long term relation, useful for making kids (possibly why it exists). So if love in every age can make sense I don't know, maybe you can preserve the feeling changing meanings that's what possibly married couples do lol. I met someone which changed meanings of things for me, being born in India and because of very way I was my sexual encounters were very minimal and it kept too much emotional value to me. But with time i started to find its different lol but it's the best way to express love for me.
The feeling of love only comes for someone to me who make me push my limit and I like doing more for them and thing just gets better even if it feels bad for sometime give some room and it just gets better.
Why is it hard for people I don't understand. Rewiring brain isn't that hard and it can be best around that person. Finding meanings for things can be so good with two brains even if it ends up on choice based things you can do for each other.
I have decided not to think of it too much and do the things that are essential atm. But to give a room to it whenever it seems it can go good.
XD

angel39373 · Answer

I may be deeply disappointed, but I don't want to say hopeless. I'm the type of girl who requires now that I fall in love before I even get into a relationship so that I know for sure I will actually commit. Because now that I have fallen in love that deep before, I understand that I don't want a love that is medicore. I want a love that is beyond what words can describe. And is that hard to find? Hell yes. I've only had such that feeling once in my life. I'm 28 going on 29...

But I'm sure something great is out there :)

Prettysammie · Answer

I’ve just come to accept that I should give up. Some people don’t deserve love and wanting it won’t change anything. It’s better to just choose to not want it anymore than to dream of something I’ll never have. As one my my exes said, I’m just not the kind of girl you give a ring to.

Sarahr123 · Answer

It is very easy to find someone. It is very hard to find someine who is loyal, respects you and is a genuinely good person and really lives you selflessly.

There is no shortage of men, and even men that every woman can find someone whom they are personally attracted to as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It isn’t easy to find people who are on the same wavelength. Someone you can see eye to eye with. Someone you can trust 150%. That makes it seem like it is bettee to be alone.

Jerry39451 · Answer

Of course I feel hopeless. After all the rejection, messages left on read/delivered, and public humiliation I have gone through from women, of course I feel hopeless. Of course I don't approach in public anymore because heaven forbid as a male I get labeled as a pervert or rapist. Women don't want the good guys anymore, the guys who will respect them, treat them like the queens that they are, have eyes for them and ONLY them, or who will do anything to just be with them. No, they want the guys who "look" good but treat them the exact opposite. I'm tired of playing games. I'm tired of waiting for my "happily ever after" that clearly is never coming. Dating in today's society is be hot or be single... that's it. No ifs ands or buts about it.

MCheetah · Answer

I already gave up the moment I accepted I would never grow any taller or look any more 'attractive' than I do now. So nowadays, the idea of a woman loving me is strictly a fantasy. Just like it is for millions of other men out there.

As for do I deserve love or not? Yes, I definitely do. I'm supportive, loyal, caring, intelligent, witty, interesting, engaging, and believe strongly in self-improvement (if you can actually improve the things you're looking to). I believe I'm better boyfriend material than 80% of dudes out there. Ironically, it seems like women only go for the top 20% of men out there, so that means jack squat. And looks are a big factor in that. The only more important factor is ego, which I know is "important" to women, but I don't want that. I'm too flawed to think of myself as 'confident' like I'm hot sh*t.

tatianamay · Answer

im 16, im young, I don't want to fall in love with anyone romantically. It's a waste of time. You are vulnerable af. You're gonna get hurt, there's gonna be hurdles and if you get past all these, then its cool, if not, then welcome to the real world where you will come to know how shitty a person can be. I don't believe in romantic love tbh. It's pure bs. You can do better things than cry over a person who's eventually gonna leave you. Nothing lasts forever. Yes, ik that im young, but im just giving my opinion. I've seen my parents' marriage falling apart. Their relationship becoming rocky af. Not everyone can find that "love." Love isn't for everyone. If you do find that love, count yourself lucky and don't fuck it up

Vikkrram · Answer

Yes... See Honestly speaking I never searched for love. But when you see someone... when you get good vibes from them But you are not able to chat with them... Yes it feels hopeless sometimes. But i accpet it as an truth of Life.
And try to moove on

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

No, but I do think people overcomplicate things. Love is hard to find, but for the lonely person, thats often your own fault.

People complain they can't find love, but then they don't allow that to happen. They don't allow strangers into their mind and they don't let people have picky standards, and you need those things to have love find you, the real you needs to be seen and heard, or it just isn't going to happen.

You post this question, but it serves no function as a solution because none of the people commenting on it are going to date eachother. And then on dating sites, people refuse to fill out their profiles with any in depth info about themselves, and then criticize others who do as "too picky".

It seems like most people only want to be open about what they really want while anonymous, and then when they hear "me too" online they don't further investigate. and thats a recipe for never finding what you want.

Splatzonelover1 · Answer

when I did search for love. all I got was hurt and cheated. I was about to give up until some come out nowhere. did tried online dating nothing. then the guy on Facebook saw my friends ]request on Facebook and accepted it and started talking to start away . I am going to meet up with him on tomorrow on Tuesday.

JSmuve · Answer

I left hope in my 20s. Now I'm just focused on bettering myself and if something comes along then I'll entertain it. I do keep my eyes peeled though but the universe has a cruel sense of humour. I live near a bunch of apartment buildings and a lot of women walk their dogs around dinner after getting back from work. So I figure I'd go for a walk before I make my dinner and see if I can't strike up a conversation with one. You know, the whole "fortune favours the bold" shtick. Well, there weren't any women out but while my leftovers were heating I saw a hot bitty with a fat ass walk by and I'm just like "why couldn't you have been out when I was out". Granted, she was buried in her phone and her dog was smaller than my cat, and you know what they say about women with tiny dogs. But anyways, that's pretty emblematic of my luck; right place, wrong time. I just can't seem to be in the right place at the right time, coach!

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. I always look forward to meeting new people but in this day and age no one will approach you, they just hide behind a screen. I've also been told that I'm wise beyond my years and I'd need to find someone older to really understand me and that's proving to be a challenge since all the men I met well let's just say I wouldn't even call them men.

savage_barbarian · Answer

i have been single most of my life dated a few women last woman I was with was 4 years ago, I was talking to this one girl I thought she was but I think it was a scammer after paying $700 and video chatting with her every day for 2 months paid for her gas from Cali to Texas. then a couple of days ago she was in Dallas and I gave her $300 in 1 week and she took her sweet time getting here and I got aggravated cause she wasn't here yet and I told her BYE, I thought she would just come to my house anyways, but she went back to New Mexico towards Cali i was really hoping she wasn't scamming me... now I'm so disappointed and I thought about ordering a prostitute from an escort service just to cuddle with her for a few hours no sex. been single for 4 years suicide has crossed my mind more than a few times but then I have to make my life better so I can get custody of my 4-year-old daughter from her meth-head mom & crack head grandma.

menina · Answer

I don't. I'm not looking for love at this moment, I'm focused on finding the place I can call "home".  If I were looking for love in the country where I live with my skin color, I would be screwed.

lakotabebebe · Answer

Sometimes. However, I look back at what I want, and it becomes clear why I have to wait. I have to wait for a preferably Christian man who is patient, kind, and wants children. If it takes my lifespan, it will have been worth it <3

yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo · Answer

No,

Because I know what I want, and I know to be patient.

The world will forever move on while we live our lives. So until somebody fits what I seek, I'll be contempt of not having wasted time with relationships that don't matter.

blank_expression · Answer

Nope, I grew up in a hardened feminist mother broken family and learned early on that those types of emotions are only a sign of weakness. I don’t feel hopeless in any search because I know better than to seek such a fallacy. The only ones that suffer with love sickness affliction are those that actually try to work it in this fallen world.

DarkCarousel · Answer

I’m neither hopeless nor hopeful but somewhere in between. Sometimes I get rather discouraged after one conversation, or date, or even a past relationship. But I have not lost all hope. I’m kind of content in building my life but I’m excited at the idea of potential love.

Ninjazzed · Answer

Love doesn’t exist for romantic couples.. hormonal chemicals are what compels us to procreate and seek out the opposite sex.

Genuine love is the type of love you share with your parents or the special bond you share with your child. Unconditional love just doesn’t really exist outside of your birth family. Couples get into one argument and contemplate divorce.

You can have an argument with family and you’ll most likely brush it off the next day.

DaveToo · Answer

Yeah, I'll be 76 come July 7th. It's pretty much hopeless.

moviedude714 · Answer

One thing I've noticed over the years is that learned helplessness is frowned upon in men more than women

mattclark242 · Answer

yes sometime but I hate my self and my past. it easyer not to look I have a better time geting girls when I do not look and I pick the wrong ones. I keep wanting to be perfect. the girls I over look are not that bad at all. sometime I want to destroy what I have bc I feel like I do not deserve it.

Unbeatable · Answer

No. I give out Love, the recepients are my Followers.  Real men dont look for Love.

just_a_potato · Answer

No I could find love if I wanted to, I feel hopeless in my tendencies to be stuck in the past though, so "love" is scary to think about right now. 😅

Daniela1982 · Answer

Sometimes it seems so.

SouthWest3 · Answer

I'm just terrified to A. Get accused of false accusations of rape, B. Be accused of abuse, C. Be abused, D. End up unhappy, E. End up making someone feel uncomfortable, F. Fucking up and ruining it for myself, G. Being incompitent and making everyone, H. End up in a toxicnrelationship, I. End up an accidental father, J. End up a DIVORCED father, K. Lose all my posessions due to this, or L. End up falling for someone who doesn't fall for me.

Andres77 · Answer

I did until my wife found me and loved me through my major issues instead of taking advantage of me and judging me.
She loved me in spite of my faults and wanted me to be better, not by her standards but by the standard of kindness, that any interaction should leave us both in a better place... objectively, not defined by emotional whim.
So Grateful...

jwatson4000 · Answer

. No one person can make you happy, so stop looking for love. Search for personal love of yourself first, and once you are happy with you, you can find someone happy with themself, then you can both be happy together

Miah02 · Answer

Not looking. Plenty of time for that after graduating

Iron_Man · Answer

Well I’ts llcertainly not gonna happen on a computer

Shellyworld · Answer

No, I wish experienced love for real but instead of I followed nonsense talking fools. I wish I met someone smart and very nice - at least good looking, someone with the same interests. So now I’m not looking but trying to forget the bad memories.

jerdanro · Answer

I'm just tired of trying. Tired or trying to find love, tired of trying to be a better person, tired of trying to make sense of it all.

I think I'm just going to cruise for a while, like the guy at work who is retiring in six months and doesn't give a shit about anything.

Alyssa11 · Answer

Sometimes I do when things don’t work out with a guy I really like. Having said that, I remember all the people around me I’m happy relationships and I think to myself - if it’s happened for them it’ll happen for me.

HOAAH · Answer

I guess when I was searching for love I did feel that way because I just wanted to be in a relationship already and get the "hard" stuff of trying to find the one out of the way.

I found someone so it's not hopeless anymore.

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

Unfortunately yes. I just cannot seem to find my match who understands me, we click and have a great chemistry. I envy the people who have that. :|

Michael82 · Answer

I do because I'm afraid because I have a hearing loss & they would run

Anonymous · Answer

No. Because I'm not 5 and I know " love" is just chemicals in your brain.
Some people are blessed with beauty and this makes them valued
Some people are incredibly nice and caring and this makes them to a lesser extent valued.
But when you come right down to it your trading whatever currency ( beauty and caring) you have for love. And the person you're with is most likely looking for a better deal the whole time they're telling you they love you.
Sorry it's just reality.

Slartybartfast · Answer

Once I hit my 30s I realized it was too late for a family so I called it quits and stopped dating. It was never any fun for me , just a wast of time and money to be made to feel like crap.

Azura_88 · Answer

Totally because even if you found your other half and no matter how deep you love each other, you both will get BORED sooner or later. This life sucks, everything is temporary and so is love.

TheGreatAwan · Answer

Yes femoids are far too superficial to ever accept me. All I can get are fat pigs and feminist whores but even they won't fuck me because I am "an asshole." Ugly females cannot accept my alpha energy and the beautiful ones only want Chads. My life is awful and full of nothing but suffering. On top of that, my parents grounded me so I am feeling especially miserable today.

genericname85 · Answer

i wouldn't say "hopeless" but also not very optimistic xD

Sunnydayjess · Answer

Yes, every guy just goes straight into the nudes talk

Nikola321 · Answer

Well, I'm not even searching for love. Though I have met this really cute and nice girl, but I don't know if I'm even capable of making smth more than friendship.

HawkPerception · Answer

Very much so at the moment, but I'm not gonna throw in the towel because I believe love is a significant part of true happiness in life.

Moimaris · Answer

Yes I do sometimes. I’m afraid I won’t look pretty anymore as when I was 20. I’m afraid I will stay alone the rest of my life.

cth96190 · Answer

Yes, which was why I gave up. First principle of tactics: fight only the battles that you can win. Second principle of tactics: do not reinforce defeat.

Shihab91 · Answer

i barely started looking again... but i assume its hard

oldawg · Answer

Yes I do but I also believe in love at first sight and what I thought was love was just lust. That's a tough one for me to answer

wilcross · Answer

This is one of the best questions on love. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this topic.

Anonymous · Answer

I DO AND I KNOW THAT I AM YOUNG BUT I FEEL LIKE ILL NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR ANYONES SON, MEN JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AND WHEN THEY GET WHAT THEY WANT AND ARE TIRED OF ME THEY LEAVE OR START TREATING ME LIKE SHIT UNTIL I AM READY TO LEAVE SO I OFFICIALLY GUVE UP ON LOVE, WANTING A FAMILY OF MY OWN AND/OR POSSIBLY GETTING MARRIED SOMEDAY

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Pretty much!! Nobody wants me!! I'm not into beating up girls or just using them for a quick fuck. Girls don't like guys like me!!

Overmind · Answer

No, but I learned to lose expectations long ago & live in the moment. Everything's so much better that way in my opinion.

Silver158 · Answer

Sometimes, I only seem to meet cheaters and attention seekers or mixtures of both so I'm not exactly ecstatic about the idea of a relationship anymore if that's all there is out there.

loveslongnails · Answer

I do not, coach. I feel hopeless when it comes to understanding what the fuck it really means !!! LOL

Silas_153 · Answer

Yes, definitely, because I just do not understand people at all, I just can't figure out why they do what they do. They're like aliens to me.

Anonymous · Answer

Not hopeless just kind of like meh, happens--happens, or doesn't happen, whatever.

Rennitenn · Answer

No. Not that im looking. But if I were I'd never look at it that way. Because once you are hopelessly desperate for love, no one is going to come knocking.

I_want_a_moustache · Answer

Depends, sometimes I feel lonely but then I realize I’m young so it’s not like it matters at the moment. At the end of the day I know I’m one of those people who could be happy alone.

Do you feel hopeless in your search for love?

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Have you ever felt so tired of searching for love?

Do you feel hopeless in your search for love?

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