How do you feel about giving advice to people older or more experienced than you?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I admit that the first times, and even now on occasion, I feel a bit weird and not confident about giving instructions to people who are between 5 and 50 years my senior, and have a whole lot of experience compared to me. This is mostly why I work and study nearly 24/7, plus dress and style myself older to give off an aura of authority.
Plus I could have to train and follow the person who trained me five years ago, if my father takes her - which makes smile to be honest!
What about you?

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

It depends. I feel awkward teaching guys who were alive in the 80's how to fix and maintain a bike that was built before I was born.

But when the Jehovahs Witnesses show faith without acts, and jump to blaming and judging me just because I said my life sucks "well then you must be a sinner, god would do that to good people" and literally claim I need psyciatric help when the psyciatric doctors say what u really need is financial and logistical help... I don't feel uncomfortable telling them to go read a book. 🤦🏼‍♂️

It really comes down to how they come across. People who are humble and seem like they already feel bad for asking me for help make me feel the need to be very cautious, because I genuinely understand that we all have different skills and something valuable to offer.

People who can only parrot back a reply that was drilled into them, lack the ability to change their response as reality evolves over time, and still claim they know best need a good slap in the face.

I had a CDL instructor tell me he knew he was teaching the class in the best way possible because he had "been doing it the same way for 20 years" 🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️🤦🏼‍♂️

He was a nice guy, so, I kinda let him get away with that one. But I lost a lot of respect for him when he said that. The roads aren't the same, the students aren't the same, the laws aren't the same, and the trucks are like spaceships compared to the old ones. People who are genuine experts don't usually need my help, but are usually very open to hearing other people's opinions and learning the most up to date information.

People who live in a time capsule are lucky. But they aren't experienced except within the bounds of their own reality. Reality changes over time, so, I don't feel uncomfortable trying to open the door and let them out... But I will say it's usually a waste of time. If they wanted to learn new things they wouldn't be in that situation in the first place. Most experts are experts because they constantly work to improve.

[0112358]

Good questions JMC. I'll note you've sort of snuck more than one in, as giving advice and giving instructions are not the same thing, exactly.

I'll maybe say 'advice' first, because i think advice you can always give delicately even to someone who has power over you, by simply saying 'it seems to me' or asking questions rather then giving instructions. "Is there a reason not to do it this way?" "Do you think this would work" and so on. You can also even adopt the sort of approach required when you can't give advice, where you lay out options and provide the key points that inform your view so they can perhaps draw the same conclusion. (this approach for instance i sometimes have to take with clients, but I encounter the same sort of thing from doctors, mechanics and so on who can't tell me which option to choose by regulation, but can provide the evidence that would lead me to their view.

As for instructions, I recall the first time I hired someone, to report to me, who was older than me, and I'll admit to being a little nervous about how that would work, and in truth, he's a very skilled, but stubborn employee! That said, I like him and he's become very valuable. Generally my management 'style' works pretty well for people like him. When it comes to straight up 'how to do the job i'm asking him to do'n't micromanage, i might say 'i imagine you'll solve it like this?' but i don't consider myself more expert then him on the details, so if he thinks another way, he will say so. If i really disagree, then we need to meet to discuss the options and implications (most likely if i disagree, it's more about future opportunities or not yet specified requirements where we anticipate the business differently).

Recall that generally speaking, even if they're more experienced, you're the one in the moment doing the management role. That means you are, at that point, spending more time communicating with others, focusing on the overall objectives, etc. When you're dealing with those reporting to you, it's a matter of making sure objectives are aligned, understanding progress, re-allocating resources if appropriate, and ensuring smooth communication and understanding with stakeholders. If you're doing those things well, you are making their job satisfying and allowing them to be maximally effective. You're not so much 'telling them what to do' as saying 'here's what is needed, and why, and how i think you can accomplish it, but i value your expertise if you see other options lets discuss immediately'.

Finally, i will say the most challenging for me was actually working with clients when i was your age. I just didn't look old enough to be firing off viewpoints when they had no idea who i was and i was just some new analyst. I think i probably improved in how i communicated, but simply looking older and having more of a title helped as well.

[pjf1958]

@TheorianMage: good to know you. Could I trouble you with a theological question? At your leisure, of course!

[AmandaYVR]

Very well said. '👌

[AmandaYVR]

I think people should default to not handing out advice - unless someone is specifically asking for it.
Sometimes they do want advice, but they aren't explicitly saying that.
But it's best to err on the side of sympathy/empathy, maybe also give a brief comment about something similar you have experienced, but beyond that, doling out advice is risky.
Unless it's on gag where people are constantly asking for opinions, or it's an employee or work colleague, it can come off as overstepping. With friends, it's easier to gauge based on past history and the relationship dynamics.
I'm not against people giving me advice but the number one comment I have (which I'm saying now, or think internally because I'm too polite to say it out loud) is that they dole it out too quickly without having patience to fully hear and learn details. Advice not based on details, or enough information, is pretty much worthless, to be honest.
When I say things, I'm often just answering a "How are you?" I'm taking the time to write and fill them in a bit, but only in some situations am I distinctly looking for advice. And when I'm a listener, I only say something if it adds to the conversation. Many times, there is no need for advice, it's just being a listening ear.

[FlutteringFeelings]

I don’t believe anyone is above me nor beneath me regardless of their accomplishments in life. I must say that I am wise for my age and being raised by loving and wonderful parents I am at the age where I noticed they want advice. I will speak wisdom into their lives because I know at one point they done the same for me growing up.



My worth isn’t in the hands of man and regardless if my advice isn’t classified as ‘helpful’ that still wouldn’t stop me from giving it to others who are willing to receive it.

[jennifer_bloom]

I accept advice from 14 year olds on this site so I don’t feel guilty giving advice to older people but I don’t do it very often because they are less likely to listen and usually know more than me.

[MTC29]

There aren't many on the site older than I am (my stated age is my true age), so I don't appreciate someone claiming to be 18 and giving me advice on life, when they haven't lived a life at all. On the other hand, when information is presented logically and intelligently, I'm willing to listen. The other night @jean-marie_celine asked a question about women in the work place, which I was happy to contribute to. He also made comments of his own, which I enjoyed reading. The difference in out age is wide, however, intelligent conversation is always welcome in any age range.

Frankly, the twenty somethings who simply say "Okay, boomer": boomer being "Baby Boomer" a group of Americans born between the end of WWII and into the early 1960's, are clueless.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for sharing your opinion, I wholeheartedly agree with you!
I think that young people that dismiss older people with ''Okay boomer'' aren't much better than the seniors who dismiss younger saying ''you are too young.'' It's just being rude and lacking respect for the other person.

[TheorionMage]

NO ONE is an 'expert' or 'Master' in ALL things.
In 1971 the Catholic Diocese of Pgh's Mt. Mercy College (now Carlow) appointed ME as its lay consultant on the contemporary topics of Witchcraft, Magick and Satanism under supervision by one of its teaching priests, Fr. John Wellinger. I was 19 years old!

In 1993 after 3yrs service to Penn State's University on those topics and upon my already graduated with a B. A. in Graphic Design & Photography, I returned after military service to State College, then Essex Jct., VT in 1993 and was surprised to be awarded a Doctorate Emeritus in "Comparative Theosophy" for unconventional belief systems at the age of 41.

What determines the 'worth' of the advice of a younger Counsel is the VALIDITY of their advice, NOT the chronological seniority of the Bringer of that advice.

[natured]

Honestly I don't mind, also because I teach older men and women marketing skills and also give them fashion advice, I have degrees and a lifetime rooted experience, and they started later to gain that knowledge, so nothing wrong about it.
I'm used to it.

[nolabels]

I think that everyone has something of value to contribute to anyone.

I've had thought provoking statements come from people much younger than myself.
Likewise, I've shared some things with older, and/or more experienced people than myself, which were appreciated by them.

Are these exchanges always of value?
Of course not.
I take and give what I feel is appropriate and helpful, and leave the rest.

[Titanya]

In a professional setting it wouldn't bother me because that is what is required, as long the older person doesn't give me a hard time it'll be like giving advice to/helping anyone else.

Life is all about learning one shouldn't be opposed to learning or taking instructions because of an age difference.

[ZackBan]

I'm not much of the advice giver unless a person asks for it and mostly older people don't come to me for advice.
But there were times where I had to explain and convince older people to do something and it felt weird at first but not so much later on when I realized that age is irrelevant when you make the correct arguments people will listen (mostly)

[Nightroads]

Since i had kids young, i am finding myself giving advice about parenting to older people. Say my coworker, 44 is having trouble with his 5 year old. I give my advice that he shoots down saying the day he takes advice from a guy almost twenty years younger is the day they put a toe tag on him.

[SecretsofKB]

Honestly, it really feels weird if I give advice to anyone 10 or more years older than me. It feels like it isn't my place. What do I know?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Exactly, I feel the same!

[Mofunfour20]

The same as advising a younger person. If they had a better solution they wouldn't need my help and id be asking for advise. I feel... duty. Which is really more of a logical function, so im thinking its my duty to be clear and simple with the advise

[Poppykate]

I worked as a financial adviser for a while, and I had to give advice to people much older than me. At first, it felt weird. But I just would remember that I studied for years (undergrad + post grad) and they has especially came to me for help.

[IAMNathanael]

Sure. If I think I have some advice worth giving then I'll give it. I might have been able to do something someone twice my age never got the chance to.

[BCRanger10]

I don't mind every now and then sharing my views, experience, and assessments of a given situation. It would reflect well on them if they are at least willing to consider what I say.

[Sue_Free]

They are not Always more experienced. We may have seen things that older people have not

[pyrocrypt]

It's a little awkward feeling I'll admit, but no matter how old you get you never stop learning and growing. Sometimes people who are younger have different unique experiences the older people can learn from.

[jamesgoldman]

Older used to be hard then I realized I'm well read or taught on the subject at hand and they are frequently uninformed or even outright idiots

More qualified is still a hurdle I've yet to jump beyond filling the facts into

[pjf1958]

It's imperative to do it diplomatically. By being overbearing or patronizing, you could give the impression that you're arrogant.

[Feelicks]

I've got no problem with it, after you hit a certain age you start to realize that just about everyone is essentially a terrified child with barely half a clue what they're doing most of the time.

[Andres77]

Not everyone has the same experiences.
Age is irrelevant if you've never experienced something.
If someone else knows getting help from them is of great assistance.

[kaylaS91]

I feel indifferent?
I mean.. advice comes from lessons gained from experience. Which isn’t 1:1 with someone’s age nowadays.

[karaspara]

If it's a rea i'm confident and assured with no problem otherwise I would redirect them to somebody I felt more appropriate

[pleasestopthis]

They might see me like an impertinent brat so I don't feel comfortable giving advice to older people, even if they're not mature or wise enough for their age.

[InfoLearner]

I appreciate that they are asking me for an advice.

[dragoblack]

Everyone has their fields of knowledge and expertise. No one can know everything and there's constantly new knowledge being out into the world. If i have knowledge that I can give, I will

[rcljr]

Everybody gets stuck or lost from time to time, even us wise, all knowing geezers.

[crazy8000]

Nothing in particular.
Have done that little now and then since my teens if someone wants to know something or learn.

[lorenzomichael]

I have no problem giving sound advice to anyone who asks for it. Older or not.

[Anonymous]

I'm IT guy, that is everyday, especially older people need my guidance or just slap and 'You did f**king what?',...

[msc545]

If it's something I'm trained in and a lot know about, I'm OK with it.

[SexyLisa101]

It cool to give people advice, especially does with stubborn head...

[ToastyOats]

I feel like they should know better!

[Still-alive]

ill give it if they ask me for it

[Anonymous]

Is that the woman you had an affair with? She's miking you for her gain now?

[Gwenhwyfar]

Makes me happy

[Sabretooth]

i've done it.