Is it a good time to reach out to my boyfriend after being on a break for a month?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have been on a break for the past month and a bit. It was something we both agreed on because I was dealing with some serious mental health issues and the same was true for him to an extent. We have texted a couple times this past month just sending each other well wishes and we kept it quite brief every time. When we decided to go on the break we didn't really decide how long it was going to be we just both said we needed some time to focus on ourselves and become better people. Would it be appropriate to ask to meet for coffee and just chat to each other about the past month has been? I dont have intentions of getting back together and leaving right where we left off, but I would be open to casually seeing each other again and slowly building to the relationship level over time as long as he's open to it. I would also just like to find out how much longer he feels the break should be because agreeing on a loose time frame would benefit me and my anxiety a lot at this point. The one thing I'm kind of hung up on is the last time we texted he mentioned he was having some stress due to a family member's cancer. I would never want to act like I'm intruding during a stressful time for him and his family. Should I wait for him to contact me or would it be appropriate for me to make the first move? Or do you reccomend I give it more time?

Updates

+1 y

Ended up we were good friends for a couple weeks and it was giving me hope that we would talk about getting back together then he told me he's dating someone new and I was wrecked but oh well I upped my standards and am planning on finding someone who can communicate better next time.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Uhm. The plan of action you have described here seems really well-thought and sensible, so I'd say to go ahead. Since he's got someone in his family dealing with cancer, I'd advise to reapproach him as someone who can listen to him and support him in this difficult period, and not as an on-and-off girlfriend.

[Mofunfour20]

Dont arrange anything. If he's interested in starting completely over like you were saying, he will obviously contact you if he's hopeful. Realistically, why would he come back to your mental health issues? How does a month away fix your mental health? You believe you're fit for a do over relationship with him in your current state, thats selfish. You should get a therapist and do the work you need for your well being

[Asker]

I have been working with a counsellor extensively and have made great progress with them. I have dedicated the whole last month to working on my mental health. I won't say I'm perfect but I have made good progress and am in a better place now.

[Mofunfour20]

Ok. You dont need to convince me, im not trying to date you. Irrelevant, keep working. there's always work

[kyleelyn199723]

I think you need to consider moving on, telling him you don’t want to be with him. This doesn’t sound like commitment or a real relationship. Real relationships , you stick through your issues and their issues and get through it together. You are sugar coating your need of not wanting to be with him and it’s selfish. He is not a back burner person for when you have made up your mind.

[Asker]

It's more the opposite actually. He initially wanted to break up completely but still wanted to be friends because "he didn't know what the future holds" and I'm not a fan of trying to be friends with exes but I obviously did still love him and he still loved me so we agreed on a break.

[kyleelyn199723]

“I don’t have intentions of getting back together” why don’t you, if it’s just a break? I’m just wondering from personal experience. A break in a relationship signifies Incompatibility.

[Asker]

I have intentions of getting back together eventually. I'm also not sure if I'm mentally stable enough currently to be in a relationship again right now as seriously as we were before. I can see myself being ready in a month's time but as of right now I don't want to jump back in and slip back into old habits.

[kyleelyn199723]

So what’s going to happen when you both are going through serious things in the future? Being there for each other when it’s convenient for both of you is not a good relationship that will not be long lasting. It’s your life and your relationship, but if you can’t stick together through obstacles in both of your lives , you will never survive getting married and big adult situations.

[kyleelyn199723]

Big adult situations in the near future*

[TommyMountainFigure]

Maybe try this.

I doubt either of us are ready to pick up where we left off yet, but I would really like to meet up for a coffee, just to talk over how we both are. Would you be up for that?

[dudeinohio]

Breaks are proof yiu cannot handle a committed relationship. Terminate the relationship permanently and only getca new one when your issues are worked out.

[Iron_Man]

Sure give it your best shot