Is it weird that I suppress my interest in girls?

[Musicrules85]

Im 28 and since 2019 I've always avoided the opposite sex. I avoid being interested in girls. I remember one guy told me that if I just "stop looking" ill meet someone or I'll run smack into her out of the blue. Dont get me wrong, I still talk to girls. I've met girls at parties, even Meetup groups, even recently I met someone through a mutual friend but I ignore/suppress my interest. Maybe that's what people mean by "stop looking" as if they're saying "avoid the opposite sex and focus on your hobbies and you'll randomly meet someone like a rom com". Sounds like i should disregard females too. I recently met a girl at work and she and I have become such good friends, but im suppressing my interest (even though I think she's cute). I dont even ask girls out, but i think with this girl its probably sexual harassment, right? Is that how life works? Do you not think about the opposite sex and you'll just run into her? Whatever. Ignore it. Maybe if 11 years haven't gone by, I wouldn't be waiting for something serendipitous/random to happen here. One of my friends said to me recently that I shouldn't go out with the intention of meeting a girl/people and just let it happen naturally. that really makes me think I should ignore society and keep to myself, like Joker.

Updates

+1 y

FYI, I had to focus on myself first before I even met these girls through these events

[SueShe]

It is not weird to suppress your interest for the opposite gender. Actually, it is a good thing because you can concentrate on the more important things of life and less on the one (s) that give you more problems than anything else.

I am personally not interested in the opposite (or same) gender either because I do concentrate on my studies.

You can still have friends of the opposite gender but you could just leave it at platonic friendly relations. That works fine if you know your limits.

However, I am not sure that you use the proper term when you say that you suppress your interest but it is more likely that you suppress your libido.

[Musicrules85]

These were girls I thought were cute but if I have to "stop looking" i guess I can't ask anyone out. Ignore it.

[imanf7]

Showing no interest meaning even if you meet the right person , you will lose her
That's life , you need effort to get something back

[Musicrules85]

"Showing no interest, you will lose her"? Never thought of it in that way. Its from all these anecdotes that I hear that they met their partners "by fate". I am trying to focus on my priorities ie my new apartment, my career etc. My social skills have improved and my network of friends, but I still avoid liking someone

[imanf7]

Well yeah. no one will want to be with someone who show no interest or put no effort. as meeting by fate that's true but they still have put effort... that's common sense you know

[Musicrules85]

Usually im afraid to even look at a girl because they say to "stop looking". Wish I was able to read the signals of whether or not a girl is interested

[boggboss]

Not weird but silly as u have met many women that may have been intrested but by u showing no intrest u can put other people off u won't meet a women that will put in all the effort to have a relationship with u lol

[Musicrules85]

Hey I was told to "stop looking"

[boggboss]

Stop looking means stop pursuing not cut all contact with women even if they show intrest

[Musicrules85]

I hate this society sometimes, especially this MeToo era. Like whats the world coming to?

[boggboss]

What's the relevance off that with what your asking simply don't be a retard and put yourself in a compromising situation with strangers

[boggboss]

Like sure someone can always lie in a attempt to get you but at the end off the day aslong as u are somewhat smart and avoid situations with random women it most likely won't ever happen

[Musicrules85]

What are you talking about?

[boggboss]

U spoke about the meeting too stuff so I responded lol

[Musicrules85]

Im not trying to make what I said before sound irrelevant. I was just making a point

[boggboss]

But I dont see how the me too movemne played a part in what u did

[Musicrules85]

Never mind. The point is that I feel like liking a girl/thinking "she's cute" is bad and that by some fluke ill just randomly meet someone. Of course dont pursue or chase, but it makes anxious to like the opposite sex, as if I have to focus on other things and cut off contact

[boggboss]

Lol why would it be bad 🤣🤣🤣 thats some craY talk

[Musicrules85]

I guess I'm afraid of rejection is all, and that I have to let things happen "naturally" like in a movie, where it ALWAYS happens every single time.

[boggboss]

Movies are not a reflection off real life u have to put some level off effort in for things to happen

[Musicrules85]

My social skills have gotten better, meeting new people including guys and girls, im prioritizing myself and what I need to do.

[boggboss]

But if u show no effort when a women is imtrested in you how will u ever have a relationship or date her sorry

[Musicrules85]

I couldn't even tell whether or not if a girl was interested in me. And its from all these anecdotes of how people met their partners by "not looking". Well that girl who I met through a mutual friend, I did try getting to know her and then at the end of the party asked for her number, but surprisingly she wasn't interested. What are the odds?

[boggboss]

High lol yhere are billions off women in the would many won't be attracted to you the reason people say don't chase after a relationship because it holds a higher chance off disappointment where as waiting should show u women that are intrested in you if you know what yo look for by the sounds off it you are trying to pick up a women like your a movie character

[Musicrules85]

Pick up? No I wasn't

[boggboss]

OK not pick up but asked for her number

[Musicrules85]

Um i thought you said if I dont show interest they will lose it

[boggboss]

They will but they have to be interested in the first place

[boggboss]

Just because u show interest dont mean she will recreate but equally if u show none and she is intrested she will assume your not intrested and move on

[Musicrules85]

Am I doing something wrong here?

[boggboss]

Seems u don't understand how asking a girl out works or if a girl is imtrested or not

[Musicrules85]

What could I do better next time?

[boggboss]

Its hard learn to pick up on when a girl is intrested in you

[Musicrules85]

Is there a right time to ask someone out? I try avoiding/ignoring the opposite sex, but obviously that doesn't solve anything

[boggboss]

Again tho how would avoiding them get u a women that makes no sense

[Musicrules85]

Because of the whole "least expect it" cliche and by not looking. Maybe if a girl would've shown interest, she wouldn't done so by now. 11 years.

[boggboss]

Yes but u have been attempting for those years to keep away from women and show no intreast so u might have missed out on women that where imtrested or because u showed none they moved on why is it so hard for u to comprehend that if u want women to show intrest u have to do the same its like your trying to find a partner like you are a women

[Musicrules85]

Then why would you think I was trying to "pick up" someone? I clearly met her through a friend.

[boggboss]

And then asked for her number like u was intrested in her

[Musicrules85]

Yeah so? Should I not have done that?

[boggboss]

No that was fine u shot your shot she was not interested thats the end off it more likely then not nothing u would have done would have made her intrested unless u did somthing to turn her off which we wouldn't know

[Musicrules85]

Its what I hear in these anecdotes like "I met my girlfriend through a friend" and now all of a sudden they're together. Lol did the girl spread her legs in front of him like some prostitute?

[boggboss]

Now your just being bitter because your single just because that girl was not intrested in you dont mean the women in the story was a whore dont be a child

[Musicrules85]

Chill its just a joke.

[boggboss]

Meh 🤷🏽‍♂️don't see the humour like I said before tho u keep talking about how other people got into a relationship like its worked for everyone for every guy that met his partner through a friend others didn't there is no sure fire way

[Musicrules85]

I know there's no "scientific" way of meeting a girl. I just wish I could be interested without suppressing it all the time. Its like wearing a chastity belt

[boggboss]

U are choosing to suppress yourself mate

[Musicrules85]

I think im better off quitting social media

[boggboss]

That might be true it seems u believe too much off what u read too literally

[Musicrules85]

Seriously, social media is like heroin

[boggboss]

It is most people these days are not equipped to handle it

[Musicrules85]

Until I met my guy friends, one of them said "you do you" and you know what? He's right. In fact, they're the only real friends I got

[boggboss]

So why have u just been following what people said online lol

[Anonymous]

Not weird. I think it's good. Your chances of cheating will be significantly low. But take a chance with that girl

[Musicrules85]

Well I've never cheated or been in a relationship because I've avoided the opposite sex my whole life. I almost became an incel once

[Opinion Owner]

I mean once you get in a relationship, your woman won't have to be scared you would cheat. But you don't have to act like a monk for the rest of your life

[Musicrules85]

No but whenever I hear "stop looking" or "least expect it" it sounds like to just avoid liking girls like the plague and just carry on with life. But in this case, this girl I think is cute

[Opinion Owner]

While that is true, when you find someone compatible and someone you like, you should make a move if you want to move forward. I mean what do you expect? You guys are talking nad you keep talking and then you both might fall in love or infatuation and chances are you both won't even know each other's feelings and after some time , she will move on

[Iron_Man]

Yes learn to talk to girls

[Musicrules85]

Oh I do talk to girls. I've met plenty of girls who are my friends