Should I say I love you?

[Anonymous]

I know this isn't a huge deal for a lot of people, but it is nice to say and hear these words. I recently got back with this guy I have been with for almost a year, we have been having bad communication problems, but the break only lasted 3 days. Everything got cleared up and he has been talking to me first more than he used to and we've been having good happy conversations- nothing negative. The only thing is... he hasn't tried saying "I love you" again.

We used to say I love you with our goodnight messages and he was originally the one who said it first almost a year ago, but I feel like our little argument/break ruined it. I want to say it to him first but he seems to be the one who says goodnight to me first now and doesn't say it along with his message... I'm not quite confident to respond to his goodnight message with "I love you" when he hasn't but I do miss it and wonder if he just wants me to say it first. I am afraid that he doesn't feel the same but at the same time, I know in my heart that he does.

Should I wait for him or should I try to say it?

[ZDoes]

This is one of those questions that everybody thinks about. I like to come from a place it's a little different. We have to remember that love is not really a"thing". Bear with me and see if you can follow me. The word love is a noun that we use to describe actions. When we love somebody we are behaving in loving ways or doing things that are loving or we are in the action of feeling what we call love. It's for this reason primarily that my favorite I love you are the ones that slip out by accident. It's when you're just talking with someone having a conversation about things and it slips out it gets past the filters and it just comes out. An " I love you" that comes this way is real, it's truly felt. This kind of "I love" is visceral and is honest. Any other kind of "I love you" is potentially deceptive and manipulative yet that doesn't automatically mean it's malicious.
Then there's the intended meaning of an "I love you". There's the " you're a good friend and I completely value your presence in my life and you're deeply appreciated" I love you. There's the "oh my god your nuts but I admire your courage and tenacity" I love you. Neither of which should be but can be confused with the " I want you with me for as long as your willing to stay, I promise that your needs will be as much as a priority for me on a moment to moment basis as my own are. That I will make decisions from a position of "we" or "us" as long as we are together." This last "I love you is the big one. Many of us have said these words to another yet how often do we live inline with the commitment and promise implied moment to moment in our daily lives.
My bottom line is, and this is just a personal integrity and authenticity thing, if I'm feeling it, I'll speak it. Why take that kind of risk? Because the world can be a very ugly and unkind place. And let's face it, people can be and often are shitty to each other, selfish and self centered to the core. So why not be different. Why not be honest and courageous with our hearts in real time. It is a rush. A rush like no other and I promise you, you will love yourself for doing it that way and as a result you will always be able to look yourself in the mirror, you will always be able to look another directly in the eye with a smile. And you will learn over time that you never need be afraid of love, of loving another truly even if they don't say it back.

[SofiSin667]

You only say that if you feel it.

[Asker]

I do feel it. I'm just wondering if he is waiting for me to say it first or if he doesn't feel it anymore

[SofiSin667]

I feel like you should definitely take this up with him. Effectively communicating is the only way it’ll work with your partner. If you don’t, distancing will happen. Now if both of you get together and find a time to talk one on one about this and express how it makes you feel... you’ll also be able to hear him out and see what’s going on with him. You’ll be able to see things for what they are once you talk to him.