When is it time to tell my boyfriend the truth?

[Anonymous]

Even though we're the same age (21), he doesn't know my income is higher than his for my age.
We've been dating for 3 months (but lived separately) and he wants to meet my parents. He doesn't know this: He'll never get to meet my parents. I've been owning the house, my father's car and his small business for 2 years now. I've inherited it all since their passing in an auto accident. I was only 19 at the time. I'm an only child.

This all feels like yesterday and it's still fresh to me. When is it the right moment to tell him the truth? I'm not ready yet.

Updates

+1 y

These 2 years it's like I was forced to grow up too fast. At the age of 19, I felt like a kid and had to learn everything, including how to cook and administer money. I've been handling everything (with hired workers too) and it isn't easy.

[ohshee]

Ok stop take deep breath relax for a min.
You dont have to tell him anything at the moment. I know you want to be honest with him you need to get it together a little bit more I think you probably doing one hell of a job everything that you've been through why do you want to tell him is it so you can vent to him I understand the honesty part do you want to make sure that he knows that you make more money than him. That doesn't even need to be discussed right now you need to focus on you have you even mourned yet have you broke down okay now I understand why you want to tell him sorry it just came to me. Think about something first before you do I don't know how long your father had this business but he must have made a pretty good living at it you have to do the same thing you have to be on top of your game to understand whatever it is whatever kind of business it is you need to understand that all of it I don't know who the guy is I don't know how much you love him I don't know how much he loves you you have to understand one thing you need to protect that business no matter what 3 months is not a long time if knowing somebody you need to protect yourself and that business can you need to break down and cry if you have not used to do that and if that's the reason why you need to tell him okay take another deep breath I need to take a breath LOL there's so much more involved here than you even understand. I don't know I can tell you a lot of things but I don't want to tell you because I don't want you to get freaked out first thing first if you haven't cried break down and cry I have sucking tears coming down my face cuz I can feel your words yeah do that first. I think you should do whatever you need to do just always be looking 500 feet ahead I'm getting ready to take it on this is your livelihood you have to make it work one big fat hug for me I'm sorry about your loss I'm sure your parents would be proud of you

[abc3643]

He says he wants to meet your parents so he doesn't know they have passed (I am so sorry, young lady...).
So, what have you told him about your parents so far?

I will give a better answer once I know that...

[Asker]

I told them they're away on a business trip. He doesn't know I'm the owner. He thinks they're the owners.

[abc3643]

OK, so you lied to him. That's not good, but, in this case, I think we can make an exception.

[*] Consider doing this (if you can and can emotionally handle it)...

Make something of a game out of his meeting your parents. Tell him you are going to take you to them, but he has to be blindfolded. Then, drive to the cemetery - he's blindfolded the whole time - and then get out of the car and hold his hand escorting him to their grave. Tell him to remove his blindfold so he sees the truth. Then, bare your soul and tell the truth and let yourself be vulnerable and break-down if you want. But, you MAY also have to tell him why you lied [**] to begin with.

==========
(*) If your parents are cremated and you have the ashes, escort him to the urns.
If your parents are cremated and you spread their ashes, take him to where you spread them.
Again, in both cases, he needs to be blindfolded until "the big reveal".

Now, I want to say that I am not sure how I feel about this idea because of its personal impact on you. So, I just float this idea as a possibility. But, what's important is that you are exposing yourself to him a bit. By being vulnerable at this moment, you are disarming him against any upset he may feel from being lied to. This is why I suggested this idea.

[**] Why DID you lie to him? Was it because of your income? Also, there's a difference between net worth and income. You have a higher net worth and I assume your business is doing OK so that you do have a higher income than your boyfriend.

Look, don't be bothered if you have a higher income than him or any other future boyfriend. If a man can't handle that, then he's too immature and not for you to begin with. So, don't lie to a man about who you are because all that does is not make him fall in love with you, but with someone who doesn't exist.

[Asker]

I like the idea. It still hurts badly. I would give anything in the world to have them back. Instead of all the fortune and money, I would trade all that to have them back.

[abc3643]

I understand young lady. At my age, almost all the people who were important to me growing up are gone now. So, what you need to try and do is honor their memory and how they raised you is live your life in such a way that you are an ambassador for how they raised you and then how you raise your own children. In this way, they live forever.

Let me know if you have any questions.
You are welcome to PM me.

[abc3643]

I do have another idea... but, I need to know... are your parents buried or cremated?

[Asker]

They're buried.

[abc3643]

OK, can you please PM me. If you can't, then follow me and I will PM you.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

I would ask an aunt and uncle if they could pretend to be your parents... then tell him this isxmy aunt and uncle, nanny and grampie, my best friends parents they are huge supporters in my life I look to them even more since my parents died 2 years ago.

Girl you are an inspiration!

[PeacefulRainDrop]

Im am truly sorry about their loss! A parent passing away never get easier and you lost two right off the bat! You have so my strength and courage!

I would keep it private that you own the business. If he asks say your parents left it to someone in the family. No need to tell him your making more money than him thats all stuff to discuss during engagement... not to every guy your dating.

[PeacefulRainDrop]

You have sooo much strength and courage!!!

[jennifer_bloom]

You could say you live with your grandparents and not with parents who live in Seattle and your not allowed to have people over cause somebody stole money from your family at a party one time and it bothered your grandma for 2 months so now nobody is allowed over.

[meetkitty123]

You don't have to tell him about your finances. You should at least inform him your parents passed. This way he won't insist on meeting them. Or just take him to the cemetery. It's not a big deal to tell him your parents passed away. Now as far as your finances you don't have to reveal that to anyone until things are serious... An engagement... Should lead to speaking about finances.

[Asker]

yeah I don't trust anyone with my financial situation. There are some people that will be after your money. In regards to be my parents' passing, yes I was thinking of taking him to the cemetery. For sure, I'm going to start breaking down, in full tears over again by then.

[meetkitty123]

Awe sorry hun. Send you my condolences

[Rob70]

You don't need to tell him about everything. He doesn't need to know your financial situation or what you inherited. The sooner you explain that your parents have past the better. Once he knows about the accident he should be supportive and not bring up meeting your family. It will make life easier than coming up with reasons why you have not intoduced them

[Azura_88]

Don't tell him because you're the only daughter and he might take advantage of your situation (you being alone). HE'LL FEEL ENTITLED TO YOUR MONEY.
Majority men exploit girls who are in such situations.
You've seen they know all a woman needs is love and assurance because it's enough to make a woman weak and far from truth.
Good women are frequently taken advantage of.

[Azura_88]

DID HE TELL YOU EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS LIFE? Definitely no, so why you're feeling guilty about not telling him something very personal?
Ask about his real past, secrets, he'll lie about them.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

Wow with 19 already having it all. I guess he will be overwhelmed at first but not in a negative way.
The fact that a girl has a higher income as a guy is just an annoying sstereotype where society says the guy has to be the provider... I thought y'all want gender equality so I dont see an issue with that. Or do you think he will feel intimidated by you being so independent

[Asker]

My parents' passing still feels fresh and I felt it was still too early to tell him. In regards to my financial situation, I've kept a low profile on that. I'm very leery when it comes to sharing personal information, esp when it involves income.

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow! Hmm. I'm not sure.
I'd say you did the right thing so far by keeping it a secret up to this point. Maybe wait just a little longer? You need to first make sure that he really loves you. (And also make sure that you really love him). But try not to keep it a secret forever. When you feel like the time is right, just go ahead and tell him.

[Jamie05rhs]

Here's a possible idea: set up a time for him to come meet your family. But instead of your biological family being there, have 2 or 3 of your closest friends come over. Introduce them to him as your "family," and use that opportunity to tell him why they are your family and why your parents are not present.

[Interstate]

You SHOULD have the day you two became official. Don't be surprised if the relationship becomes not-much-longer for this world after you tell him. But do it NOW... that's what she said.

[Asker]

I'll take him to the cemetery sometimes this week.

[exitseven]

This is not anything you need to be embarrassed about. It is a part of your history. You should have a nice conversation about parents in general and mention what happened to your father and how it effected your life.

[CoolGuy7532]

I'm sorry to hear about your parents. I don't understand why you didn't tell him yet. He needs to know. He'll probably want to be more supportive of you. Just tell him right away.

[Iron_Man]

I’m so sorry to hear this. You might as well get it over with. If not it’s going to be the same story for every guy you meet this could drag on for three more months

[Asker]

Ok. I might as well tell him the truth this week I guess. He only visited my house once and really thought my parents were the owners and that they were at work.

[Iron_Man]

Good idea but watch out For male golddiggers

[Asker]

That's what worries me too and it's part of the reason I've kept a low profile since. I don't even like wearing fancy clothes. I like saving money and buying at a thrift shop

[Iron_Man]

Just be very careful and follow your heart

[Anonymous]

When you're ready is the time. Don't over think it either. Not a big deal. When the relationship develops more and you trust him and feel ready and comfortable enough to share this is when you do it. There's no timetable or rush.

[nawtee_me]

you will know when you are ready for that conversation. I can not tell you when. The grieving process is different for everyone. But rest assured that time will come and you will be ready for it.

[DarkWinterNights]

I personally don’t think it matters unless your relationship gets more serious.

[ChiPaPa]

Why have you not told him? Three months is a long time

[Asker]

I thought it was still too early.

[Wise4myage]

What's the point in telling him in the first place? Save that for when you get married.

[Asker]

I will agree that he doesn't have to know about my income yet but I'm not sure how long I can keep up with the lying about my parents being on a business trip. I think I'm going to take him to the cemetery sometime this week.

[ElvenMr]

Tell him when you think you two are becoming serious. No point telling him until then.
Meanwhile try to avoid talking about this topic with him.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Tell him when you're ready. Your boyfriend isn't your husband where he is entitled to know your business.

[Anonymous]

I bet he was the one who pursued you and hit on you

[Anonymous]

So you realised you deserve better and you're out of his league.

I think You should tell him.

[Asker]

I like him a lot and it hurts me to continue lying. At the same time, I'm aware some people are users going after your money so I've maintained a low profile since.

[Opinion Owner]

"I'm aware some people are users going after your money so I've maintained a low profile since."

Now you understand the pain of successful men who made their wealth with their hardwork and literally lose huge amount of their wealth due to alimony.

[Asker]

Yes that's not fair at all. No one deserves to have their wealth taken away. The one difference is they made their wealth with their dedication, effort and hard work (something worth admiring) meanwhile I got all that through a tragedy. It all changed one fateful late night I was awaken by (12:45 am), a cop knocking on the door to deliver the horrible news. Seriously if I had to give up all my fortune to bring back my parents, I would instantly.

[Opinion Owner]

I understand!

[ManHater]

My income is 3 x than that of my girlfriend.

[Asker]

Like me, you probably maintain a low profile too. Sadly there are people in the world that are after money.

[ManHater]

Indeed they are like sharks.

[jasco]

Honestly you shoudl tell him now

[Anonymous]

you sound like a sociopath

[Asker]

What are you talking about? I'm still grieving their passing and honestly I would do anything to have them back. I would return all my fortune, money and the business if it meant bringing them back from the dead.
I didn't tell my boyfriend about their passing and my financial situation is because it's too early and some people are like vulgars after your money. There are users in the world.

[Anonymous]

When the time is right.
Until then.

[Luckycharms12]

Why does that matter

[Asker]

It matters because it really sucks that I have to continue lying about my parents being away on a business trip. Then I have to keep making excuses and when I see my best friends with their parents, I get overwhelmed by sadness.

[Luckycharms12]

Ooooh okay im sorry gave deal with that most be very hard yes guess got to say it

[seekclarity]

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