How do I stay sane being single the rest of my life? Is it wrong to empathize with Elliot Rodger?

[Inthecraphole]

I am 27 years old and never had a real girlfriend. Meanwhile, most of my peers are entering new chapters in their lives and are getting married and having children.

Making matters worse, I seek a young woman 18+ that has never had a first love. I want me and a woman to be each other's first loves.

I have no social life. I try to establish one, but I fail at every turn.

In a way, I empathize with Elliot Rodger. Not being able to find love and intimacy and being helpless, I can see why he went on his rampage.

Updates

+1 y

I may not be a virgin like he was. I lost my virginity at age 20 to a 16 year old girl, but it ended ugly and she had me arrested. Now I have a criminal record for stalking and I am not a stalker. I haven't touched a woman in 6 years.

[Celtero]

Elliot Roger was a little faggot bitch. He'd show up to parties and get drunk and try to push people off the balcony, get beat up for it, and then he'd go on to whine about how nobody liked him.

Meanwhile, you got me here, perpetual loner and 25.5 year old virgin, and I couldn't give less of a shit. People suck, and that's cool if they aren't bothering me. I've got my friends, I have my hobbies and interests, I don't need to be a lady killer (uh, pun not intended) or Mr. Popular to feel good about myself.

Obviously, you're a few cards short of a full deck, but just get over it. I'd reckon that most people don't find bullshit "true love" or whatever the fuck they call it these days. Most relationships are shitty and dysfunctional, and losers like you are always afraid of being alone for no reason.

Being alone is fine. You can do what you want when you want, you never have to keep someone interested or impressed or worry about accidently pissing them off.

[Anonymous]

Well I don't condone at all what Elliot Rodger did, but at the same time I can't help but empathize with the pain that he went through because I definitely understand where he was coming from.

At the same time his situation or case makes me mad and fills me with anger and rage because it reminds me of how I like to feel or it seems guys or men are expected to take or accept responsibility for their lives or dating lives a lot more than women are.

Of course everything is a matter of mindset and perspective, but it reminds me of certain comments or statements I've heard or read over the years over the gender differences in the dating game that have just made me mad and pissed off and it feels like an injustice.

I will admit I did read parts of his manifesto,. The part of his manifesto that pissed me off and I totally felt his pain the most was when he expressed anger and jealousy when he discovered that his younger sister got a boyfriend.

I feel that part made me mad the most because well I feel it's quite obvious as to why his sister ended up having a dating life while he didn't.

It's hard to put into words though but it just reminds me of certain comments or statements I've heard towards me or told to other guys over the years that have just made me very mad

[loves2learn]

There is a lot to unpack here.
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1. At 27 you do not need to “come to terms” with being single your whole life.
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2. You would behove yourself not to limit your dating pool to virgins. Especially since you are not one.
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3. You are not unattractive. I saw someone here mention make sure you aren’t after girls out of your league. That is good advice.
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4. I cannot sympathize with Elliot Rodger. He was a sociopath. He was only 22. And perhaps his sociopathic personality repelled women.

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5. Pick yourself up. Maybe see a psychiatrist and stop wallowing in your depression on the internet.
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I wish you the best.

[Inthecraphole]

It is not that I am seeking a virgin. It is more about who she shared her heart with before me. I am seeking a woman who has never formed a romantic bond with a guy before, especially from her youth.

[loves2learn]

@inthecraphole you are realllly limiting your options. I would recommend doing some soul searching on that one. Is that a hill worth dying on?

[Inthecraphole]

I have been like this for many years. I have turned down women because they loved someone from their youth. I feel defeated. This is something very important to me.

[loves2learn]

Wow. Ok. I wish you luck, but you may indeed die on this hill.

[Tstrbrainer]

He said he had turned down women, at least he doesn't have to be this hopeless if people find him attractive

[loves2learn]

He has limited his pool to almost zero. That is his problem. Real tough hill to die on.

[Tstrbrainer]

Yeah with a criminal record, that's a real problem

[SofiSin667]

“... ended ugly and she had me arrested. Now I have a criminal record for stalking” ... Umm 😐 🤔🥴

[Inthecraphole]

It is a long story. I was young, dumb, and in college trying to win a girl's heart. I traveled to her home from out of state to give her a cookie cake asking her to her prom. Her dad didn't like the fact I took his daughter's cherry and had the ammo to get me arrested.

[SofiSin667]

Umm, how old was she at the time and how old were you?

[Inthecraphole]

I was 20. She was 16.

[SofiSin667]

Do you think that was okay? Perhaps you’re the problem. What you’ve mentioned and how you continue to express that you want to be someone’s first love is just creepy. You’re a 27 year old man and should be looking into getting with someone your own age even if she has a past.

[Inthecraphole]

I don't want a woman with a romantic past. I will only date women 18 or older now.

[SofiSin667]

Umm 😐Are you listening to yourself? You literally have a criminal background and have a history of going for really young girls that aren’t even 18. You are not in the position to be demanding someone that hasn’t had a romantic past. Manage your expectations and get with someone your own age.

[Inthecraphole]

I cannot be with a woman who loved someone during her youth and had formed bonds with him and has a special place in her heart for that person. I can't.

[loves2learn]

That should have been within the age of consent. Pretty sure at 16 the age gap must be greater than 5 years to be statutory rape. At least in my state.

[PenkWing]

It's great you empathize with someone! Hold dear to that feeling, because it's the key to what you are looking to improve in your life. Or do you just mean that you relate to his reasoning? Which would be different.

Don't compare yourself to other people. Take care about what you wish for yourself. Is that unclear, like you don't know for sure what you want to achieve and how to get there? Then you might use some help. Given your background and your story, I can totally recommend therapy. I think that also answers the question about "staying sane".

Is there a reason why therapy would not be a good option for you? Does that contribute to the sense of helplessness?

[Anonymous]

Elliot Rodgers was a lazy no social person.
He was bitter that he couldn't get the girls HE WANTED. Their plenty of fish in the sea.

He could of went abroad and got a chick if he didn't like western woman. He bragged about having money.


How much you weigh sir?
Job? And salary?
Do you live by your self

[Inthecraphole]

I am heavyset but stocky. I am a software engineer. I make 45k a year right now. I still live at home.

[moviedude714]

Yeah a lot of people say that Elliot Rodger went for girls that were above his league or were out of his reach, too much of high status girls

[Curmudgeon]

It's okay if you relate to Elliot Rodger as a bullied outcast - I do (or did) too, when i read his story - but NOTHING he did was good for anyone at all. He is a warning, not an example.

[kyleelyn199723]

Why do you feel the need to post about your sad life every couple days?

[Inthecraphole]

Because I am miserable and feel helpless and hopeless.

[kyleelyn199723]

This isn’t the way to make your life any better. Just seems like you are looking for sympathy at this point

[Inthecraphole]

I don't know what to do at this point. I feel defeated.

[kyleelyn199723]

I think you just need to stop hounding for sympathy. You get the same advice everytime you post about this.

[Inthecraphole]

At least I am making effort to establish a social life What else am I supposed to do. I even started my own meetup group.

[kyleelyn199723]

You need to start thinking more positively about yourself.

[ohshee]

When you want things to change you have to change them

[Juven]

I mean—hey, what's the point of it when in the end, you die alone. And that's just the reality of it all.

[Anonymous]

I don't blame you for hating women or feminists

[Helen009]

Where are you from

[Inthecraphole]

In Tennessee

[Helen009]

I’m from Washington

[Helen009]

Inbox me

[Inthecraphole]

Ok I will

[Inthecraphole]

It says you only accept messages from people you follow only

[Helen009]

Chat me up