Is it fair to let someone go if you love them but they've told you they don't know what they want?

[Anonymous]

Yes get rid

No try harder

[talover]

It's really difficult to give proper opinions or advice based on just the information listed here. However, this is subjective in nature so take my opinion for what its worth. In other words, if the shoe fits, wear it.

To me, based on your question and subsequent responses to other opinions, It seems like this individual has personal issues. Not sure what those are (could be anything), I would recommend/advice you to let the relationship go. Especially since you mentioned that you both have broken the relationship off before and that he's come back after some time. He sounds immature, or hurt. Maybe both. If you recognize a part of his character to be indecisive, I'd consider that a red flag for a serious relationship.

Let me make this as clear as I can: Indecision, is a decision. Let that sink in. Believe me, you don't want to be with someone who has a habit or character flaw that is indecisive. You need a person who is confident, protective and will make decisions even in the face of difficulty or opposition. This guy doesn't sound like a leader. He sounds like a follower. If you're the kind of woman that wants to be protected and led by her partner, this doesn't sound like the guy for you. There are many men who are still young boys inside. Frail, unstable, and a low emotional quotient. Those guys need to grow up.

Also, don't view this from the perspective you are approaching. This isn't about being fair to them. This is about being fair to you. Do not sell yourself short. There are plenty of guys out there who will gladly take his place and who have their act together. Cheers and good luck.

[Asker]

This was informative and helpful , thank you.
Also, he even admitted that he's 'unstable' lol

[zeitgeist057]

Here's my metaphor. You're a sandwich. A beautiful, delicious, snack:

This is your spirit sandwich

When someone says to you, "I'm not sure what I want." what I hear is "I'm either not hungry at all, or I'm not hungry for you (at least not right now)."

Because a hungry person is going to look at that sandwich and say "yes, please". If you just ate, or you're allergic to tomatoes, on a diet and you just don't think this sandwich is nutritionally what you are looking for, etc. It doesn't matter the ultimate reason, what matters is you don't want it, so imma take it elsewhere where it will be appreciated.

[Asker]

Nice way of putting it.

[CuriousJC]

It's better to let them go especially if they don't feel attractive or love towards you. I used to be in six different toxic relationships and most of them didn't really go well it wasn't me it was mostly them. Most of them said that it wasn't normal for a man to love a girl who has serious mental problems. Like most of them would hothead level meltdowns especially towards me instead of retaliated with anger I retaliate with sexual love. I'm not the type of person to tell yell towards women so I turn that anger into something positive. Worst part is I stuck it through which each girl then the next day I just pretend it didn't happen. It really doesn't make sense to fall in love with someone who don't even know what they want especially when that woman asked that person to be her boyfriend or girlfriend. Communication supposed to be the one of the key factors in the relationship and if it was a guy and the girl was going through problems the guy supposed to put the girl first before himself.

[PoliteSpeaker]

He has the habit of indecision. Most people have it. They never make their own decisions. It's why most people are average. They just follow the crowd. So use to it they don't even know they are coping. They take any job instead of picking one. And if they do pick it is limited to what society thinks. When they need to make a hard decision they even ask friends and family and make there decision based on what others tell them... If you do that you will not have any desire of your own. And desire it the only prerequisite to making a decision. I've done this to a girl. It was because I was trying to choose between her and someone else. I choose the someone else. But if there is no one else and he is trying to decide just on you alone then he doesn't want you in MY OPINION. Opinions are a dime a dozen.

[Asker]

Yeah it's true. He's am extremely indecisive person about anything.

[Anonymous]

Yes! Please let them go as far as possible. You will definitely feels devastated for first few months, maybe a year. But trust me, you will be saving yourself from a lot of low self esteem, emotional and mental manipulation, constant comparing, and never enough feels followed by low confidence and stress in life for constantly having to pull up your socks and settle for whatever little they have to offer! If you want that, then keep trying harder, if not which I hope it is then let them go, and please focus on yourself, the right one will come along at the right time!
Do settle, but never for less! 💚

[Asker]

I agree, thanks

[t-8900]

how about sitting down with them and talking first. Maybe "take a break" and just see how things go for a few weeks? If they love you and you them that little wait can help you both decide what you want without totally severing what you have. To me that's a good plan.

[Asker]

True, but we've had a break before lol... to which he came back to me only cos he missed me., it's all confusing

[t-8900]

hmm does he have any deep-seated issues that are unresolved from his childhood or home life? If I can help pm me.

[Asker]

Not that I know of, maybe he does and hasn't told me... who knows !

[Mortdikeuu]

If they say this to you. They don't love you. Move on

[Asker]

True

[boggboss]

Has nothing to do with being fair if that what u think is the best choice go for it

[Asker]

It felt right at the time but sometimes I wish I tried harder

[boggboss]

Again that's on you did u make that decision in haste or did u think

[Asker]

I did think. But I based it more on what this person has said, eg, they don't know what they want, a relationship isn't their priority

[boggboss]

But if they said they don't know it means they may have decided to do it

[Asker]

Do what

[boggboss]

Have a relationship just because it's not a priority dont mean 5hey where not willing to do it if they found a way for it to not be in the way

[Asker]

Yeah but then they said they don't expect me to wait for them🤨 it just felt like they're keeping their options open

[boggboss]

That is possible or he just didn't want to leave u hanging

[Asker]

Which is why I ended things

[boggboss]

And why I said if u feel its the best choice for u then fair enough but stop getting caught up on what u decided whats done is done no changing that

[Asker]

Yeah thats my issue , I overthink things after

[boggboss]

Needs to be somthing u challenge and stop

[madgoat]

It's fair to end the relationship of you don't see it going anywhere.
You might want to wait around if they are unsure, or you might want to move on. Either is fair if you do it in a reasonable fashion.

[Interstate]

There is never anything wrong with telling somebody how you feel about them.

[serious]

In the context of your question it does seem fair.

[Wise4myage]

Makes sense to me.