Can friends with benefits who live together and co-parent be called a relationship?

[Hangry06]

Assume separate rooms but have a kid

Yes

No

A total of 69 votes were cast: 32 girls and 37 guys. See detailed results

[zeitgeist057]

Semantically, a relationship just means "The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected."

So people who are NOT friends, who DON'T live together, who DON'T have children together, but are connected in some way, such as the place they work, having a mutual friend. or even just regularly do business such a barista and the person buying coffee every Wednesday morning from that barista; those people have what could be called a relationship. They interact with each other, they have a relationship.

Now, I get you are asking about 'relationship' in the more romantic relationship way, and by that definition, it is up to the individuals in question and how they feel. I would assume from the fact they have sex, co-parent, live together, there is a connection there deeper than the person they buy or sell coffee from/to on a Wednesday.

It is in fact a relationship by the more general definition. Whether it is a relationship in a more specific definition is dependent on their own definitions and perception of the situation and interactions.

[Keyboardkat]

So you have a "friend with benefits," with no commitment to each other, but you have a child together! To me this sounds EXTREMELY messed up! This is part of the reason why I am SO against friends with benefits relationships! When we expose our sexual selves, we cannot help exposing our emotional vulnerability. Sex, to me, CANNOT be divorced from emotional feeling for a person, no matter how much we try. There is always the possiblity of falling in love with the friends with benefits, and if the other person doesn't happen to feel the same way, one can get badly hurt! AND, you've brought an innocent, trusting child into a relationship that has no permanency, no permanent commitment to one another! THAT is irresponsible and unfair to the child, who needs two committed, caring full-time parents in order to thrive and grow up mentally and emotionally healthy! I don't really care whether you "call" it being in a relationship or not. It doesn't matter what you call it. You've gotten into this, and you're going to have to step up and STAY in it until that child grows up!

[Gwenhwyfar]

Maybe. Depends on circumstances and if they consider themselves to be a couple and if they date other people. It would certainly be easier to hold themselves out to the outside world and their kid as being in a relationship instead of “We’re friends who occasionally fuck and happened to get knocked up.”

[Daniela1982]

Sounds more like they are trying to create drama and add baggage. Not a good plan. Sooner or later it is going to either fall apart or they will wind up as a common law marriage.

[hahahmm]

So two confused/damaged people who are unsure or unable to build a healthy relationship raise a child in that environment, teaching the child that it's normal. Then the child grows up to repeat the mistakes of the parents. Let's say it's a relationship.. The groups of incest practicing mutants who live in the back country hills have relationships too. Doesn't make it right.

[Ayanna240]

46% of marriages end in divorce either way. so there's really no reason to get married.

[hahahmm]

@Ayanna240 100% of lives end in death.. so there's no reason to live. It's true that a lot of people marry the wrong person. I see no convincing evidence that raising a kid as a single parent is better than raising in a traditional home situation tho.

[Ayanna240]

as long a the kid has parents who genuinely loves them and puts them as first priority, it really doesn't matter. There is no requirement that both parents need to be romantically committed to each other in order to raise successful offspring. Its just something that we have been brainwashed with growing up. Kids do not care about your romantic relationships, all they care about is to feel loved by both parents.

[TheSpaceGnome]

@Ayanna240 that would mean 54% don't end in divorce, so the odds of success are greater than the odds of failure.

[litty]

So what, this friends with benefits will basically be the kid's dad or mom till actual parent decides it's time for a serious relationship? That's asking too much from the friends with benefits.

[Hangry06]

No. They are the biological parents too

[litty]

Then I don't understand how it's friends with benefits because friends with benefits is not supposed to have strings attached. How is the situation different from a regular couple that has sex together?

[Hangry06]

Accidental pregnancy can occur

[litty]

Regular couples can also have accidental pregnancies. However, it's now impossible for that friends with benefits to have a strictly physical relationship. It seems like he'd rather just be more involved in the mother and baby's life than be a stranger and pay child support.

[Flower7]

I wouldn't even see the point of them having separate rooms if they are sexually active together. And no, them having separate rooms and not calling themselves "just friends" is not enough to distinguish them from a relationship.

[Flower7]

and calling themselves*

[nice-girl]

What? They have all the elements of a relationship. Maybe they just need some space and live in separate rooms.
But if they call themselves friends with benefits and have agreed to date other people, they can't be called a relationship.

[t-8900]

Y'know after all the conversations and research, seriously? Live your best lives people. Just love the kid with all your heart and be there for them

[Ayanna240]

I plan on doing that. I would call it a family, not a relationship.

[Hangry06]

You plan on sleeping in separate rooms?

[Ayanna240]

we don't have to. but if we are both single, chances are we would be having sex. We probably wouldn't mind sleeping with each other occasionally or permanently. Personally i like sleeping alone in my own bed. If I'm craving for some sex or affection, i can definitely jump into his bed.

[confusedperson2002]

It's a type of relationship. Just wouldn't know what to label it, but I don't think you need to label it as anything if you dont wanna

[007kingifrit]

yea that's pretty much just a relationship

what is co parenting?

[Hangry06]

Co-parenting is an enterprise undertaken by parents who together take on the socialization, care, and upbringing of children for whom they share equal responsibility.

[007kingifrit]

that doesn't really tell me anything. its not their kids? it is their kids? its like one of them is the parent and the other is a step parent?

[Hangry06]

It's their kid and both are the biological parents. It's like after divorce

[007kingifrit]

ok so but its not a divorce. they have a child together and are living together

that's literally a fucking relationshp

[NathanDavis]

yes, of course... on their very own terms and circumstances but still a relationship

[TonyMetal___86]

Kids should have a father and a mother to have a proper living, also they must see their parents in love and their house filled with warmth and care...

[Surely]

Screwed up relationship to say the least.
Kind of like couples staying together for the sake of the children.
Whomever would own the residence the other one would just seem like a boarder!

[jshm2]

Don't be daft.

If anything, CPS should be involved.

[Flower7]

Why do you feel like this situation would be dangerous for the child?

[Browneye57]

What a lovely couple. And family. Just what everybody aspires to. Yeah man. Wow!!!

[TruthBringer]

Such a great influence and role models, aren't they? 🙄🙄

[Browneye57]

@TruthBringer - Low knowledge, low experience, low expectations, low self image, low value system, low morals. We used to call these 'low lifes'. Now I don't know what you call them. This bimbo is satisfied to be a nothing, but thinks it's about a 'relationship'.
Yeah I get it, my generation raised a whole crop of really crappy parents that raised another crop of really crappy citizens. And this is the result. I feel like just shooting myself in the head. LOL

[TacosRAwesome]

I voted no because it's not a romantic relationship but on a certain level it can be considered a familial relationship.

[ChiPaPa]

Friends with benefits is not a relationship to me. So, no.

[spartan55]

No, that is a pretty screwed up situation...

[Ayanna240]

why?

[spartan55]

Just off the top of my head... What happens when one of them is on a date and the other is home with the kid? I mean, do I really have to explain this to you?

[Ayanna240]

as long a the kid has parents who genuinely loves them and puts them as first prioirty, it really doesn't matter. There is no requirement that both parents need to be romantically committed to each other in order to raise successful offspring. Its just something that we have been brainwashed with growing up. Kids do not care about your romantic relationships, all they care about is to feel loved by both parents.

[spartan55]

Yeah okay, so that kid is going to feel loved when one of the parents is out fucking whomever three nights a week, instead of spending time with them. How do you square that?

[spartan55]

The number of people who think this is okay is pretty damn disturbing.

[Ayanna240]

why would you tell your own kid that you're going out to fuck someone 3 nights a week?

[spartan55]

You don't have to tell them. You think they won't notice that YOU AREN'T THERE? Try again.

[Ayanna240]

plus a parent really does not need to be at home with the kid every night for the kid to feel loved. When I was growing up, my father worked long hours a lot. My mom wasn't there every night for me either. I grew up to be fine.

But chances are, if i were in this situation, the dad won't have the freedom to go out 3 nights a week cuz we have shared responsibility over the kids. Kids come first, not dates. Its an agreement that we make prior to having kids

[Ayanna240]

[You don't have to tell them. You think they won't notice that YOU AREN'T THERE? Try again.]

there really is no requirement for a parent to be there for the kid every night. this type of BS is what you're brainwashed to believe.

[Ayanna240]

From my experience, kids secretly know it if you truly love them or not. Just because you're home for them every night, it doesn't mean quality time is spent. Just because you're home to see them every night it doesn't mean that you truly love them. Quality time over quantity of time is really what proves to kids that you truly love them. Kids know. Trust me, they know if you truly love them or not.

[spartan55]

Brainwashed... yeah okay. I think you have that backwards. Never said anything about a requirement. Your arguments are so weak. You are in a relationship. Just too immature to take the responsibility that comes along with it. I'm sure catching an STD or an unexpected pregnancy is not a concern either, right?

[spartan55]

And you really think your 'agreement' will hold up once one of finds your next great piece of ass? Yeah right. I have some swampland to sell you. Your comparison about your Dad working a lot is apples and oranges...

[spartan55]

Yeah, they know by things like being there for them. Just because you say it's quality time doesn't make it true. Ask twenty parents which is more important, do a poll on here... you are wrong.

[Ayanna240]

Even if I were in a co parenting situation, and I found fell in love with someone else, I would still treat my kids as first priority. My love for them will not falter in any way shape or form. Its my goal to have kids in life. Your dumb assumptions about how I won't love my kids anymore simply because I am in a romantic relationship is just the result of being brainwashed by conservative society that marriage is the solution to everything.

If someone goes out of their way to have children, it means that kids mean a great deal to them. I can tell you that overwhelming majority of single parents will treat their kids as first priority, not their dates.

[Ayanna240]

46% of all marriages end up in divorce. so what do you have to say about that?

[spartan55]

Where did I say anything about marriage? Go ahead, I'll wait.

[Ayanna240]

wheres your argument? is that all you can afford to say at this point?

[spartan55]

"if someone goes out of their way to have children, that means kids mean a great deal to them"... 😂 😂 Riiiight, keep telling yourself that.

[spartan55]

You haven't made any argument this whole thread. Divorce stats when I said nothing about marriage? Why don't you put up that poll I mentioned. We both know you won't though because you know what the results will be. You also completely ducked my point regarding STD, and unexpected pregnancies... what a shock.
Stop being a child and just admit you are in a relationship. You are too immature to do that apparently..

[spartan55]

100% of lives end in death too, so I guess we should all go jump off a bridge, right?

[Ayanna240]

[100% of lives end in death too, so I guess we should all go jump off a bridge, right?]

Thats not a good enough analogy. A better analogy would be: smoking data shows 46% of all smokers end up dying from smoking prior to 60 years old. This means there is a 54% survival rate for smokers past the age of 60. So this means its safe to smoke right? since the number of survivors is still higher than the 46% of deceased.

so you're gonna go ahead and smoke either way right?

[spartan55]

I realize my analogy was out of context. That was my whole point... do you have anything of substance to add to this?

[Ayanna240]

im still waiting for a legitimate argument against my point. still haven't heard a valid argument back from you yet

[spartan55]

Pick anything I said, they are all legitimate. Put up some polls if you think you know more than everyone else... what? Won't do it? Didn't think so... you know you're wrong. Troll.

[Ayanna240]

what is legitimate about someone who is unable to present a valid argument for themselves?

[Ayanna240]

people on gag don't tend to be very bright. you're obviously one of them.

[spartan55]

Yeah, again, you have that backwards. Ducked my challenge again, but why? If you are SO smart this is a great chance to prove it... fuck outta here idiot. Let us know how your little experiment goes.

[TheSpaceGnome]

is it exclusive?

[Hangry06]

Nope

[TheSpaceGnome]

then no

[anylolone]

It's called an open relationship?

[wakeupc]

sooner or later people get feelings

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a GREAT environment for a kid!

[Anonymous]

No, I don't see that working out.

[Kelly6]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

No they’re a family.

[Jouth]

nawww