Have you ever forgiven the unforgivable?

[Anonymous]

"Awe, I can't stay mad at you." Have you ever forgiven someone for something that you should be bitter about?

Updates

+1 y

So, I'm starting to think I'm not as forgiving as I thought. I forgive, but I still feel the pain and some bitterness. I move forward as if nothing happened and tell myself all is forgiven. Maybe its not and I've become good at going through the motions of life. What do you all think? Please be nice.

Updates

+1 y

Looks like someone from the gag team "helped" me out by adding a picture to my question. Not the one I would have chosen to represent MY question.

[t-8900]

yes but in the right context. If you are sorry, truly sorry, you want my forgiveness, there is a price to pay and you must pay it. I believe in TRUE EQUALITY among people, especially in relationships. In roles of leadership I lead but not in a way of owner singular ownership. I subscribe to the philosophy of my body belongs to you and your body belongs to me. That's how it is if you're with me if we are betrothed or married at least. You ate my last cookie? You're giving me your last cookie the next time. You used the hot water, next time the hot water is mine. You "accidently" did something you know you shouldn't have, the piper is coming to collect that debt.

You'd be AMAZED how much the quality of life is improved when you have such a relationship. Talk about your wants and desires, I'm sure we can come to some agreement within reason. It might sound like "two wrongs making a right". But when you feel the same pain or suffer through the same thing it can be an example. If you want me to endure what you did then be ready to endure it right back. Otherwise forget you. I might be heart broken, I might be remorseful during the break up, I might not even want the break up, but I'll die on my principles first. No everyone will agree on this method. But I promise you that with open minds things can be much better if you at least tried it before knocking it. Don't do something behind someone's back, be honest, communicate, stop sugar coating.

[Robert123456789]

How does this work if one partner cheated or beat you?

[t-8900]

If they beat you it's not a relationship, under any circumstances you just get out. If they cheated then it's already been made clear. Use your imagination.

[t-8900]

your update makes sense. you can be bitter about it for a long time. This is why I do things on an equal exchange basis. i lose the bitterness when I get to do something too or "back" if need be. seems petty but it removes jealousy and bitterness and works well for me.

[Asker]

Revenge would never make me feel better.

[t-8900]

@TrueConfection depends on how you look at it and it's really "revenge" or restoring a balance. I think after reading up on Taoism I kind of have a different perspective a bit

[SteveSmith1985]

Nope. I wouldn't forgive someone unless I truly meant it. That seems like a stupid thing to do. The other person thinks it's all good when really it's not. Why lie about that?

[Asker]

It's not a lie. Sometimes I just can't stay mad even though I should be really angry.

[Asker]

Which is why I posted the question.

[SteveSmith1985]

No it would be a lie in my case because I WOULD stay angry.

The way you are is actually good... AS LONG AS you don't end up with people doing you wrong more than once just because you tend to forgive.

[Asker]

That's my problem. I live on repeat. 🙄

[SteveSmith1985]

Then that's not good. So why is it that you let go of legitimate grudges? I honestly don't understand that. To me... If you feel wronged... then what changes between you being mad, and this inexplicable change to forgiveness?

[Asker]

I wish I could explain. Some things are difficult to forgive. Some things I just can't hold on to, but haven't forgotten.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well I think that your heart is likely a kinder one than mine. I just hope you make sure not to end up being mistreated. 🙂

[flameaqui]

Yes I did and I give the perspn a second and last chance even I still feel the pain because like they say forgiving a person who hurts you will get your self get better and lt seems like you can't let go still from what the person did as they say you can forgive but you will neber forget yes that is true but if we forgive the unforgivable person then maybe we should did confirm to ourselves that if we are ready to forgive, we should not forgive the person who hurts us until We move forward from what they did but I guess it is hard to forgive and hard to not forgibe at the same time but to tell the truth its you who will made the decision if you let yourself forgibe the people who gave you pain.

[precious_creation]

Yes, I have. I refuse to have bitterness in my heart. I love peace. I also forgive because God forgave me.

[Asker]

Same

[Keyboardkat]

Forgiveness isn't free. Forgiveness is meaningless if you just throw it out there without it being asked for and earned!
A person who has wronged you and really, truly regrets it, and wants, say, a second chance, a chance to make it up to you, a chance to act differently in the future, perhaps should be granted forgiveness, but first, they need to admit to you what they did, apologize and express regret and remorse for having done it, they need to undertake never to do it again, and THEN they have a right to ask forgiveness. After that it's up to you. I have a hard time with certain therapists or religious leaders who insist that you just willy-nilly forgive everybody, without context. This, I think, cheapens the healing power of true, honest repentance and forgiveness.

[DJB72]

In my experience there's no such thing as unforgivable. Only pride getting in the way.

I've been hurt deeply and had it take time for me to forgive but it's a truth that unforgiveness in your heart is a prison you lock yourself into. And only you have the keys to the lock.

[melanieeeB]

I do go by the saying, never forgive and never forget

... either I can accept what happened, get over it and still respect the person
OR I can't get over it, but I will still move on, accept what happened but I won't forget it and I will kick this person out of my life

[Oigit]

I have. My head was a mess for many years and I had to get some help to fix it. Part of fixing the issue was forgiving a person that more or less started the snowball rolling down the hill. I did forgive that person for myself and it does not matter if he accepted my forgiveness or not. Because if I didn't forgive him my head would still be a mess, if I was still around. Truth is that I got some help because the thought of checking out permanently was becoming the best idea I ever had.

[RealMarek]

Yes. I have had that experience of not continuing to hold anger against someone who has done something very bad. It is probably for the best. Why let resentment about something take up space in my mind? But I have to be careful to avoid letting people take advantage of me.

[NathanDavis]

yes... eventually, I forgave myself, and it changed my life for the better

[Asker]

That's wonderful!! It's hardest to forgive ourselves.

[Agape93]

Nope. I rarely ever forgive, I can, do and will hold grudges for decades.

[Asker]

You're my opposite. I forgive way too easily. I actually try to hold a grudge sometimes out principle, but I can't. It seems foolish to be so easy.

[Agape93]

Yeah, definitely the opposite lol I've forgiven someone three times in over 20 years, twice it backfired and once it hasn't so far.

[horsenrhinounicorn]

Yes, I forgive people, but often need to set boundaries.

[Asker]

Boundaries are good.

[horsenrhinounicorn]

I think its harder for women to go through the forgiveness process since men tend forget most things when someone wrongs them. Forgiveness when used to its fullness brings healing. One can choose to get bitter or better.

[Account]

I have a tendency to burn brides. The answer is no. I am better that way. I have kept in contact with a few people throughout the years. With most of them I have been friends for more than a decade and there is a reason for that. They do not violate my boundaries and I do not violate theirs.

[Account]

Bridges not brides lol*

[lilaccc]

it's funny when i want to forgive people while i can't even forgive myself.

[Asker]

Forgiving ourselves is hardest.

[lilaccc]

yes, truly madly deeply hardest. period lol

[Dominique95glee]

Yes I forgave my ex for trying to blackmail me with naked pictures or half naked but I forgave him but I don’t forgive and forget I forgive but don’t forget

[DaveJord]

No, because once you forgive its no longer unforgivable. But there are plenty of things I have never forgave.

[Exterminatore]

I’ve forgiven everyone whoever did me a wrong who asked for forgiveness. Thee are some evening news worthy betrayals.


I do forgive but if it’s bad enough out you out of my life permanently.

[hahahmm]

Cheating? Nope. Short of that, sure. I can give a person 2-3 chances. After that, I'm out.

[NerdDG]

No. I don't forgive anybody if they hurt my feeling. Second chance is meaningless. They will hurt you again like you watch the same movie again and know how the ending.

[MijoMPapi]

I have done the unforgiveable to friends and they forgave me so I forgave them when they did it to me. I am an Aquarius psychopath for the most part lol so if they can forgive my actions I can forgive theirs.

[Andres77]

If you want to move forward you have to be willing to put things behind you.
But their behavior still needed to change

[uncutfun]

Yes I've been forgiven,, and yes I have forgiven, just one thing I will not forgive... but I never been put in that situation...

[loveslongnails]

I can't remember anything unforgiveable being done to me.

[Morgador]

Nope, I always forgive. It shows your strength, especially to those that have done you wrong