Bf’s mom is still not accepting of me and boyfriend defends her comments. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My (31yo) bf’s mom latest comment was about how he can find a better well-off girlfriend since it’s not too late because he’s a medical resident and I am not. I met her 3 times in total, where I flew to her for the first two times from the Midwest to the east coast. She was polite to me and gave me expensive gifts. However, she expressed a few times to boyfriend how he would be better off finding a Chinese girl who is rich so he will live comfortably. When I tell my boyfriend that it is rude she keeps bringing that up even after we’ve been together for 3 years, he dismisses what I say saying it’s natural to feel that way because I’m not his race and I’m a 24 yo poor college student. This makes me angry and we fight a lot about it. Am I wrong for thinking that she’s racist and deep down wishing we’d break up? Thanks all.

[Avicenna]

Well, he's not going to stand up to her (Chinese in their 40s still get bossed around by their parents), but I don't think you should break up with him over it, at least not yet.

It's really more a matter of your finances- if you were wealthy or had really good job prospects, she'd welcome you with open arms.

[Asker]

Makes sense, thanks for sharing.

[Avicenna]

No problem. Sorry to hear you're encountering this, but at least you know understand what you're up against.

[Avicenna]

* now

[Anonymous]

Most mothers are like this some will even go as far as showing up to her son’s wedding in a white dress to try and ruin the wedding day you just need to start accepting his Mum will never accept you into the family it is your choice if you want to stay with this guy knowing he doesn’t defend you in any way

[Anonymous]

Mom will always want better for son even if she’s the best. So much so, they make movies about it.

[Asker]

That’s true, but it becomes hurtful when the mom is still wishing her son a different girlfriend even though the relationship has been going for years now. Thanks for sharing.

[OlderAndWiser]

Was she born in China?

[Asker]

Yes, the ironic thing is that it wasn’t until recently that she became well-off, but she still makes the comments about my financial situation.

[OlderAndWiser]

Most Chinese people are very materialistic. You can't expect people born in China to act like Westerners. Those born in this country, or who came here before age 12, are more likely to act like a Westerner.

[Asker]

You’re right. Thanks for sharing

[OlderAndWiser]

My girlfriend came from China at age 29. Thirty years later, she still puts seaweed in my scrambled eggs every morning!

[Asker]

Haha! That’s a lovely habit.