How do I get my boyfriend to "speed up" on life plans?

[Anonymous]

I'm 22, boyfriend is 23.

We've talked about marriage and children, but we have WIDELY different views and tbh, I think his are a little unfair.

He wants to get married at 25, after he's finished his studies and in a new career, and first child at 30, after he's "established" in this carrer, and all of that is too late for me.

I want to be married in the next 2 years, and have my first child at 25, and quit my job and be a SAHM.

I don't think it's fair to make me wait so long but he won't budge, what do I do?

[OlderAndWiser]

Options:

1. Hold a gun to his head, force him to get married by the time you are 24, then repeat the process and rape him until you get pregnant at age 25.

2. Decide for yourself whether these are dealbreaker issues for you. One factor you need to consider is your sense of fairness: he wants to do things differently than what you want, so you call him unfair. Well, you want to do things differently that what he wants, so has he called YOU unfair? If you expect to get your way on every important decision in a relationship, then you are not ready for marriage, because your complete timeline is to be married by age 24, pregnant by age 25, and divorced by age 27.

3. You might decide that your goals are inconsistent, they are dealbreakers, and it woud be better for you to go your separate ways. And when you met the next candidate, you should tell him your goals fairly soon after you start dating, and perhaps you can avoid wasting another several years on someone else who also doesn't want to do everything your way.

[WindAtMyBack]

There is no right or wrong here. You just have very different views on important issues in life. I side with him though. He has very solid plans that will pay off in the long run. In the past, having kids at 22 was pretty common, even normal. But in today's world that is young.

In my opinion there is more harm in him changing his plans than you changing yours. It won't hurt you to wait, but it will hurt both of you if he drops his well-founded plans.

Parenthood requires a heck of a lot of patience. So have some patience. Rushing parenthood when everyone involved is not ready is a mistake.

[zaharuh]

So it's unfair for him to "make" you wait so long but it's fair for you to speed up something he wants? I think you're being unfair here like wtf

[Tstrbrainer]

Brilliant opinion

[zaharuh]

lol thank you

[bgreek]

That's a big mistake
Have you been living under a rock?
Why is the divorce rate as high it is now?
The#1 reason money

Your boyfriend is smart taking his time
And wanting to be established in a career
And planning things for down the road

Now, i'm calling you out
Why are you in a rush?
You still have things to learn, your young and immature
Maybe you need a pump and dump

The boyfriend is in the right
And he seems more mature then you
If you don't like it leave

[caring__1]

This sounds like girls who believe they can turn gay men straight. He is what he is. Accept it or move on. He's not here to be your puppet. He has clearly stated his priorities and you have stated yours. Obviously, neither of you are the partner the other can appreciate and value. Never hold onto a relationship based on limited aspects. If the total picture of all important aspects don't mesh, then it's time to continue your search.

[horatiohornblower]

One of the biggest hurdles for a relationship is compromise. So, compromise on an age between the two. You both want the same thing just at different ages. If you can’t compromise then that means one of you has to knuckle under. Which doesn’t bode well for your future.

[Lionman95]

Why is it unfair to make you wait if when you wait until he´s settled you´re financial secure as a family? If you wait longer you both can earn enough money for you to become a state at home mum. I don´t see why that is unreasonable.

[admles]

Wait, why does HE have to accommodate YOUR plans?

He sounds like he's making smart decisions, career and education wise, whereas you just sound like you want to give up working for a living as soon as possible.

[rabbitzzz]

Marriage by 25 isn't too bad. You can discuss about the kid. But even 30 isn't too bad for a guy to get kids in these days. If you support him who knows maybe he will get rich earlier.

[genericname85]

dude life is not a race., why do you want children so early?

[Juxtapose]

Frankly, I don't think people should be allowed to have children unless they make six figures.

[Wise4myage]

Light a match under his ass, but be careful not to do it when he farts. 😜

[TallAnon]

You don't. Accept it or move on.
His plans are smart and reasonable.

[VikingWarLord]

Don't do it !
Marriage is a SCAM

[Sbsbsbdnd]

why dont people jus get 50p jelly candy rings and put them on their fingers and pretend theyre married?
people want stuff they dont even need, stuff they think they want... but dont actually... mariage probably seems like some mystical magical great thing to her, but when u get married u will realise its not that special, if too people are attached emotional and bound together, there is no need for marriage, ur love for each other will keep u together... then what if it doesn't... u have to pay to get devorced when u could jus leave right away with the fake marriage... people are so stupid lol

[PeterSmith1983]

Maybe you should slow down

[Not_Average]

His plans are wise.