Boyfriend won some money in the lottery but won't share because I was "unsupportive." Is he being unfair or am I being unreasonable? (Page 2)
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Think about it this way, if the roles were reversed would you still feel the way you’re feeling now? You weren’t supportive of it and it’s his money to do what he wants for it. Ideally yes you’d think he would want to do something for you with the money but he doesn’t have to. A lot of women expect wife perks when they’re just a girlfriend and that’s the problem. Same goes for the guys too.
He is being completely fair , I wouldn't give you the 2k , but each to their own..
He needs to invest 75 k its a gift from above , so dividend yielding REITs , don't spread it thin , keep the amounts reasonable.
Yet , for what its worth I agree with you , I invest in Lotteries from the other side of the fence , and let me tell you , you dont want to be the individual playing the ticket , based purely on odds , and not knowing the actual lottery , his part $75 k , probably should be x 20 , it does not pay out on the actual probability , so long term you will always loose unless the hit the super pay out , in which of course the probability is worse again.
Sadly , you are NOTHING short of a selfish btch quite frankly with these ludicrous question updates.
My advice to HIM , is just leave immediately , he's pulled an utterly selfish greedy fool --
TAKE the 2 k off the table you don't deserve a CENT , Its NOT your money its his.
GET OUT MAN , this is Not a good person , that will NEVER change - UTTER GREED and Selfishness , disgraceful actions by YOU.
YOU -- Are a selfish , utterly greedy individual - ITS HIS MONEY , Im glad you got nothing , disgraceful actions. He is an utter utter fool for contacting you again , if you have any amount of guts , any truth in your selfish SOUL -- DONT GO , because you are a hypocrite , in the maximin sense of the word.
You should be ashamed of yourself , for causing these issues and driving him away.
A lot would depend upon how long the relationship has been and how close you are. Typically, in a marriage, both partners share the money, but in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship it would depend a lot on how serious the relationship is. Refusing to help you because you didn't support his buying lottery tickets I think is petty. But, it's his money. He has the right to do with it as he pleases.
And where did you get the idea that the world is supposed to be fair? There is no such thing as fair. There are equal rights under the law, but the world isn't fair. You weren't born to the Rockerfellers or Bill Gates. Was that fair since someone else was? Fair means you think you're entitled to what someone else has. You are not. You are entitled to what YOU have earned, minus what the IRS takes. Nothing more.
Does he owe you a lump share of money? No. I imagine it is split between his friends. They take the risk of gambling, they get the payout. Gambling $5 a week is reasonable and no more than the average cup of coffee. With today's inflation rates, even $20 a week isn't going to make or break the bank - that's like 2 cheap drinks out on the town.
Now on the flip side, I don't care if it is gambling or tax windfall or inheritance payout, a true partner should be willing to consider the basic question, "what should we do with this money?" The fact that your boyfriend is reacting defensively IS selfish and does not bode well to the future of your relationship.
Any partner who sees you as a long term partner, would want to use SOME of that money to better your joint lifestyle. Even if it's buying a better couch or TV or something more long term like saving a chunk of it for a down-payment or engagement ring.
"A true partner" - what's that?🤣
Just a made up term to fit into your scenario.
Maybe a true partner would be happy their man or a woman got lucky.
Not everything is shared and should be shared, even in marriage. Especially money.
You can have a joint account where both put same amount each month.
Rest of their income is theirs alone, to spend how they see fit.
@cookiecrusher
I think a true partner would also want to help his beloved girlfriend or soon to be wife be happy by paying off her debts. True love is when you care about your spouse / girlfriend more than you care about yourself.
Paying loans off teaches the partner nothing, and leaves less money for investing, thus bringing the whole family finances down even more.
The partner took out the loan, their responsibility and if they are not starving themselves to pay it then now handout is needed.
That partner needs to be able to take care of themselves and any children they might make, incase one falls ill or dies.
@cookiecrusher
you probably just never experienced true love. The only definition of true love is loving someone else more than yourself. Love is about sacrifice, not about yourself.
You don't understand.
Guy is a leader in the family, we need to make difficult choices that might not always get a positive review.
But it is to give the family a better life, to retire earier, to have money set for the kids.
Tell me what does paying off the load with the big chunk of the winnings do?
It will cost millions in 20-30 years if invested.
While you get some instant gratification and certainly a small spending spree would occur. Leaving the family not much better when it started.
That's why guys are mostly the rich ones, because most women just think about spending and outside selling your bodies aren't very capable of making it.
You have to think long term.
And most guys do work themselves to the grave for their family.
@cookiecrusher
How do you think there is a long term future with a guy who doesn’t care if his lover had loans or outstanding debt? Do you really think he cares for her? He doesn’t!
And the fact of the matter is, rich men do not need to save money in order to have a savings. If you can make enough money , you can give your wife a hefty sum and you will still be rich
Come back to earth for a second.
We are talking about an average guy who got lucky with winning a lotto.
He should invest the lump sum instead of wasting it on some measly low monthly pay loan.
To secure both of their and their kids future.
How is paying off her loan going to do that?
Men need to look at the bigger picture not make willy nilly rash decisions like most women.
Because another man won't pay for our finances, if we shake our booty to him and talk about love.
@Xoxocutekitty Maybe he IS going to use it for an engagement ring! You don't know that he's not.
@cookiecrusher in your arguments about how to invest the money for a house, retirement etc, you're still answering one of her original question 'what are we doing with this money?'.
The female person in question may want her loans paid in full, and while I agree that it's not the best empirical use of money (investment returns are higher than loan interest), there is an unsaid emotional price that comes when one (through luck not merit) comes in a place where they can very easily provide comfort to their partner, and yet they choose NOT to without explanation of another priority in place (like some of the things you mentioned above). For one partner to become in a place of power and not portray generosity and grace, it does not make someone want to stay long term.
In this context, I am assuming that he is not providing his girlfriend adequate reassurance of his ability to provide for their future, or whether he sees a future at all.
No, i'm saying it's his to decide. Would be best to invest and help the family that way. But he may burn it of he so chooses.
It's not up to her.
She did not even let him decide 5min what to do with it. Most likely he would he splurged on her as well. Before all the nagging
I would argue that is her who doesn't see a future with him. And now sees a quick financial opportunity before moving on.
@cookiecrusher
[To secure both of their and their kids future.
How is paying off her loan going to do that?
Men need to look at the bigger picture not make willy nilly rash decisions like most women. ]
Because when you get married to a woman, her debt becomes YOUR DEBT. How are you gonna be financially stable if your wife spent all her salary paying off her loans and not helping you pay the rent and feed the kids?
Imagine your wife made 50k a year. She spends 49k paying off her loans. You end up being the one paying for her food, clothes, paying for the kids , mortgage, car expenses.
How is that a financially stable future?
@Xoxocutekitty
I would have to agree. A wife should be first priority to a man. The fact that he is more concerned about himself Ans his future bank account more than his wife. It shows his wife is really not first priority
Your first duty as a husband is to make sure the members of your own family (wife) is taken care of and is in a good place
@shaysh87 while I agree with you that a wife should be a first priority and that his and her debts meld to become one, he is not yet a husband.
He could use this opportunity as an act of service to demonstrate goodwill towards a future wife. Maybe he will maybe he won't. We ultimately don't know unless there's an update from the asker.
@Xoxocutekitty
But the problem is that @cookiecrusher thinks that it’s not him being disloyal towards her but it’s just that he’s looking out for the financial future his wife and kids.
Firstly if he’s showing such a disregard for his girlfriend and her problems. He doesn’t see a future with her. A man who had been dating you for 3 years would see things as “we” instead of “me” versus “you”, if he does plan a future with you
They are not married. Or is too hard to grasp.
A lot of women use men for money thus men less reluctant to trust women on this matter.
He won, on his own, risked his own money, against her support. You are just entitled because you date men for money.
And if the woman never learns from her mistakes or owns up to her responsibilities she will keep spending their family forture forever.
What is your longest relationship or how long or how many times have you been married?
As you can see from her update, he was going to give her some out of the goodness of his heart.
But she was entitled and got butt hurt, she still sounds entitled though.
2000 to pay off her credit card. That woman is a spender and needs to learn how not to bring the family down.
This man did everything right and most of you threw him under the bus.
It's your view on it sure, but don't be suprised if men don't marry you.
@cookiecrusher
[As you can see from her update, he was going to give her some out of the goodness of his heart.]
Haha you sound like giving money to take good care of your lover as the same thing as giving some money to the homeless
If you’re equating taking care of someone you treasure so much as just a mere act of helping the homeless, I’m sorry sir. But you don’t love your girlfriend.
There is a good chance you’re just with her for sex
The " goodness of his heart" line is there because he wasn't in no way obligated and you women made him out to be a monster.
We are married for over 11 years and as she was a christian and a virgin, and also 5 years older than me, i had no problem waiting for a year for her to get out of her shell to enjoy sex.
You know nothing about me or my babe, stop using your imagination😗
@cookiecrusher
[The " goodness of his heart" line is there because he wasn't in no way obligated and you women made him out to be a monster.]
When you love a woman, you want to pay for her not because you are OBLIGATED to pay for her.
Because you don’t understand this fact , it shows you likely have never been in love.
@cookiecrusher
It’s the same thing as saying “I never want to buy gifts for my wife, I just buy it because I am obligated to or that I have to”
Does that sound like a guy who loves his wife? I don’t think so
Does it sound like a loving wife who only wants money, gifts or stuff?
Get out of here with this nonsense🤣
Grow up, loving has nothing to do with buying or not buying gifts.
I don't think you ever looked at a man without expecting or thinking what he could buy for you with his sweet income.
And that is the main reason why women don't date down.
@shaysh87 While you actually make a good point about paying off your wife's loan being helpful to the family as a whole, the fact is that they aren't married yet. There is no family.
Jamie, investing the money or paying off small monthly payment loan.
What benefits the family more? You do the math 😗
@cookiecrusher Depends on the interest rate.
And shay, you all telling to dump his ass at the first disagreement and now you talk about me not knowing anything about love, what a joke😅
Jamie, you missunderstood the assignment.
Small monthly payment, that is already being paid no issues, to be covered with a big chunk of the investment portfolio
That 7k paid now will cost over a million in lost profits in 20-30 years
It's the effect of the lump sum over similar interest rate, if he can get 10% or 15% or etc, that doesn't change, he has less to put in early.
Okay; sorry. You're right.
No problem Jamie, 💩 happens
@Jamie05rhs
It’s obvious you haven’t read the entire discussion. My point is, he doesn’t see a future with her which is why he doesn’t give a shit about her debt. Men who plan to propose will be concerned about her debt
@cookiecrusher
[Does it sound like a loving wife who only wants money, gifts or stuff?
Get out of here with this nonsense]
Who doesn’t want gifts? A good wife wants gifts. A bad wife wants gifts. I’m pretty sure you like gifts too. And how do you know she’s not a loving girlfriend? She might cook for her , do all his laundry, like many girlfriends out there do. You don’t know her so quit your biased assumptions
men like to date down, so why do men complain about gold diggers? Why not date a woman who is financially stable? Why date beggars Ans prostitutes when you don’t have to?
@cookiecrusher
[And shay, you all telling to dump his ass at the first disagreement and now you talk about me not knowing anything about love, what a joke]
Why shouldn’t she dump his ass? He clearly doesn’t see a future with her
Damn you have absolutely no idea about men or relationships😅
Go watch the youtube channel "its complicated" for some insight, he asks pretty interesting questions from men and women.
I don't bother re-writing the same thing mutiple times. I have answered all that, here and there, somehwere in this mess of a post.
Hope you learn what relationships are about and how to be a good partner, before you get too old.
Take care and visit Europe after covid 😗
@shaysh87 Whether he "sees" a future with her or not, it ain't final until it's final. We all know how fragile relationships are these days.
No, I think he's right to be honest. We sometimes have to support our partner even when that sounds unreasonable. As long as he doesn't use all his wage for gambling, I think there's no harm in it. I mean if you budget, every spending category has its share and if a small part is for lottery there's no harm.
Give attention to the important things and don't fight for small things which don't matter.
For now, tell him that you were just mentioning statistics that lottery players rarely win, not that you don't support him.
Nothing unreasonable about.
He gave tiny amount of him money every month, not a gambling habbit. She nagged him everytime, the lads won. It's his money.
Is it really hard to be happy for the love of your life, to see them happy?
Just sounds like entitlement, to be honest. From most of the womens comments
And you do have one of the more reasonable ones here.
@cookiecrusher It may be unreasonable as the odds of winning are low. And lotteries have been created for their owners to gain, not for the people who play to gain. But it's entertainment money so if one plays, consider the money lost.
Few bucks a month is harmless fun.
Like women don't have some strange spending habbits, like tons of decorative pillows, 100s of handbags and shoes, just clothes in general, millione of bodycreams and candles, hair and nail treatments, makeup loot, eating out all the time etc.
And that's expensive, while pretty much unnecessary and unreasonable just a want item.
Keeps most women broke as hell, all this spending.
I'm just saying, you pointing out someones bucket when you got a boat.
well yeah he's a 110% right. you did say he was "wasting money" by playing etc and now all of the sudden he wins and you want him to share his reward with you that you never supported him on. and even more selfish of you you now want him to share his victory with you because of your "credit card debts"
Jesus Christ! thank God he is not married to you. and you are lucky he is not me cause not only will you not get a penny out of me but our relationship would of been over in no time.
@2nd Update again living together is not the same as being married, therefore he still doesn't owe you shit
@3rd Update yeah not surprised this relationship was not gonna last and no dont keep your hopes up honey cause I highly doubt he's gonna married your selfish ass. till then have fun moving out and hopefully this will be a trial and error for you on not to be selfish and conniving in your future relationships
well generally speakin, you're not unreasonable when you say lottery is bullshit.
though at the same time: spending liek 5 bucks once a week for shits and giggles is not unreasonable. some people pay that for their stupid coffee at starbucks every day that they could have for a few cents at home...
so yeah. i think it is unreasonable to lecture him about it for that little money he spent. and i fully understand why he's not willing to share now. it's not like he wasn't able to pay rent cause he spent so much on the lotter.
No, you are being jealous and bitchy at him.
You made fun of him, even though it is statistically very low chance to win anything, he still did. Because he kept going on his own with his buddies, wasted/risked all his own money over the years.
Wasn't even that much, so he wasn't like addicted and needed intervention.
He was doing fine, he and his buddies won, it's their money, they shared it equally, now it's only his money.
He may do with it as he pleases. He does not owe you to pay any of your debt or etc.
Be supportive and tell him not to waste it on himself or you. Tell him to try investing it, maybe into few rental properties etc, it will pay off more in the long run.
And again, no, don't even bring any shit up, just tell him you are happy for him and play the lotto with him if you would like the same opportunity, maybe.
Per recent update:
Nah you are just greedy and entitled. Just nagging him about it will just cause trouble in your relationships.
To be honest, he should walk away from you, as you clearly care more for money than about your partner.
As per new update.
Have to say, didn't even need a crystal ball to see it coming😗
I hope you see that it is you who pushed it this far. Only for your own selfish needs.
April joke update.
Always about the money with you 😑
His response sounds rather insensitive and I would not like it. So I understand you for that part. That said, it was his money and he won the lottery with his money. You two are not married so your assets are not merged. His money stays his and your debt stays yours. You can kindly ask him if he is willing to help you out with your debt, but that should be seen as you "borrow" money from him unless you two agree otherwise.
Yes👏
I dont see any winners in this. Betting money is like blood money, that has lead to massive depts, bad credit and even homelessness. Sure, few people every year walk away with big ass winnings but the entire games are run by assholes who's business morality ain't shit.
If I was in a relationship and ny girlfriend won big, accepting even a dinner feels unnatural and uncomfortable.
In your case, you tried protecting your man from the threats of gamble addiction. Now that he won, each dollar is from winnings is someones loss, most likely a poor man's loss or addicts loss.
If you leave, you get a golddiggers reputation and if you stay, it may not be better reputation if someone claims you to stay in it for the money. This is the down side of being a woman.
Maybe the best thing is to stand by your morals of not betting or accepting bet money.
Well he is not your husband só to start with, you should not be living together. Second just because he won once doesn’t mean he will win again but you will have to handle him loosing again for the rest of your life after this win because he will never stop now. I think you were right before about him playing now he will be addicted forever. But I think you should be upset twice actually not only because he did not listened to you and now he also have no obligation to share but he should if he cared about you which he clearly does not care. So in other words you should break up because not only he will not share because he doesn’t care about you but he will keep spending money for the rest of his life and if he win he is not your husband to give you any and even if he become he will probably not give any also. Leave him with his addiction. But I know you will not leave him so just be quiet and handle it ;)
Afraid I'm with him on this one.
He is under no legal or moral obligation to give you even 1% of that $750k. The only way he would be is if he owed you money, which he does not. So you have no right to claim any of it.
He has a point as well, he did win this money by himself. Had you supported him with his decisions, he most likely would've given you that 10%. You didn't, so you can't complain.
Apologise to him. Say you're sorry for doubting him, and that he has every right to keep the money he's won to himself. He probably will down the line help you out. Just be more open minded and supportive in the future. As you have seen with this experience, you never know what tomorrow brings those with faith.
Edit: *$75k.
My overtired eyes at it again
He does not have any legal reasons but he have moral reasons to share. If he lives together with her they both have morals between each other. If he cared about her he would share but he is just an stupid addicted and will probably keep being prever now. He could invest the money for they future together instead of his money his stuff anyway this couple should never marry because they are individualists
@hannny I agree to an extent.
Personally I would've given my girlfriend a few thousand, or at least the 10% she needed.
He's most likely just angry and will help her down the line anyway..
What makes you think you're entitled to his money? You're not his wife. And your debt is YOUR issue, not his. And if you truly were unsupportive, then it jutifies his stance even more. So now you want to reap the benefits of that which you didn't support? Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too.
To your UPDATE: The fact he dumped you put a smile on my face. You got what you deserve thinking he owes you a dime of the money you didn't support him getting, in the first place. Glad he grabbed his balls and showed you the way out. I wouldn't be surprised if you're going to plead & beg him to stay, but we'll see if he is a pushover. If I see your (now ex) boyfriend in real life, I would buy him a drink. Women like you are the reason why pre-nups exist and why so many men out there choose to stay away from dating.
He’s right and you’re wrong. You shouldn’t automatically expect him to share his winnings with you just because the two of you are dating. You didn’t contribute to the money that he was putting into the tickets. And even more so because you discouraged him from buying the tickets. Just let him keep all the money and don’t ask for any.
I’m sorry but I definitely agree with your boyfriend. You gave him a hard time for so long making such a big deal about it that you don’t deserve any. You should have kept your mouth shut cuz you probly would have got a ring with that money.
Exactly, i'm like shocked how entitled most of these women are here.
I would be fucking happy for my wife, wouldn't ask for one cent, let her enjoy her money, buy what she always wanted or help her invest it.
Fair? do you think it's fair to expect to reap the benefits from the lottery after all you've criticized for buying tickets? I wouldn't share a single penny either.
Besides, it's his money, you're not entitled to have it.
One of the best comments here. Very well said!
It’s his money that he spent and his money that he won. He’s free to do whatever he wants with it. You can ask if he would be willing to use a little of it to pay off your debts, but don’t get all bent out of shape if he doesn’t. They’re your debts and it’s his money that he won despite your ridicule for him playing the lottery.
His ticket, his money. You may live together, but you are not married. If he wants to give you money or help that is his decision. He is not obligated to give you jack.
Furthermore, your debt using his money? That's on you. Why should he bail you out?
I don't think you should have nagged him to the point of adding up his spending to prove your point unless he was spending your money and not his own. I can see his pov, but he needs to forgive. You need to humble yourself and not expect his winnings, but be grateful for whatever he's willing to share with you. If you nag him further and call him names like selfish, he'll probably tighten his grip around his bank roll. His money. Your debts.
I would say he’s being fair but he’s not someone that you should be thinking about spending the rest of your life together because he is being selfish. I would probably say the same thing but I’d be paying off your debts on the sly and buying you things so my mouth would be giving you a hard time but my heart and my actions would be sharing. Of course the only reason I’d do you this way is because you gave me a hard time so I’d mess with you but in the end you’d see I was just being a shit