Is it proper for a lady to propose to a guy?

Question

Is it right for a lady to propose to a guy, if they have been in a relationship for so long without the guy saying anything about marriage?

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

'Proper' doesn't really enter into it. It's not 'traditional', right.
It seems to me that proposing is one tradition that both men and women seem to like and want to keep, no matter how times are changing.
I think there should always be discussions about what each person wants. The answer should already sort of be known, ideally. But the issue is that, generally, women have wanted to get married and men have been reluctant - to commit, give up their freedom, etc. Both parties have always gained - and in some ways lost some things - but it is men who believe they lose the most. For this reason, I, personally, have never wanted to push or coerce, or even really influence too much, a man to marry me. I need it to come from him, in order for me to accurately gauge where his head is at.
But there are many girls who have been with a guy who was a laggard, and he would stay dating, or not fully committed, or maybe living together without a marriage contract... there's all sorts of permutations, right. But he doesn't see advantages to marrying her when he has everything that he wants already. If that was the case, then, yes, the girl needs to make a tough decision. Is she investing in that guy too much, too long?

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

It's not IMproper.

But the fact that you say "they have been in a relationship for SO LONG without the guy saying ANYTHING about marriage," has me worried.

If that iS the case, then something's off. A woman popping the question when everything else points to the couple getting married: i. e. they've discussed having or not having children, they've talked about financing a house, what neighborhood they'd like to live in, if they want to start or finish their educations, where they'd like to travel together, how they're going to save for the future, what priority cooking, cleaning, meal planning, exercise, has in their lives...

If all of those subjects have been broached, it sounds like everything but the rings and the ceremony have been decided on.

But if the pair are cruising along with no future planned and no joint anything but grocery shopping and maybe a summer vacation and splitting rent and gas costs, sounds like it's just a "right now" arrangement, not a pairing with a future.

Of course, if you propose and he turns you down, you ALSO have your answer on a silver platter.

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

Rather than take the chance of messing up his Valentine's Day plans, it might make more sense to just start the conversation about relationship and marriage. Find out his thoughts and feelings about relationships, and learn how his ideal differs from what he has with you. How does he feel about the institution of marriage? If he's open to it, under what circumstances would he consider it? Once you know where he stands, it will be easier for you to determine if this might work for both of you. You understand the hesitancy people have with initiating and then dealing with potential rejection. Life tends to be much easier and more productive when we are all considerate of each other.

horatiohornblower · Accepted Answer

It’s highly uncommon and most men don’t want that. A recent UC Santa Cruz survey found no men would prefer that and two thirds would be strongly opposed to that. Only 2.8% of women thought they might want to propose.

What’s more common is letting him know you want to get married and want him to propose or give a deadline.

It’s fine if you do propose. Just be aware a lot of guys will be off put by that. Still some go for it. I’m not sure what percentage of marriages had the woman propose. But I’m sure there’s plenty where women pushed for a proposal.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

She can if she wants to but personally I wouldn't do it. I think some things are better off to be left as traditional. It's more sweet coming from the man because honestly women are already thinking about marriage and Prince Charming since watching cartoon fairy tales. Even as kids, we are already playing with dollhouses so it takes away the surprise if she proposes.
If I had to propose I would think he was either to afraid to do it himself or didn't care enough. I like a man that's in charge regarding that and that takes risks, not someone with commitment phobia.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Yes it fine, in fact Leap years were the time to do it.

However in modern days either can propose.

the following Wiki link has some info on it and why the Americans never took on this more European tradition…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelor%27s_Day_(tradition)

Anonymous · Answer

Hmm this is tough. In a so called “gender equal” world is would be proper for her to buy a ring, plan an opportune time and take the gut wrenching moment of truth of taking a knee.

But tbh the vast majority of guys would be thrown off by this especially if it was done in public. It would be virtually impossible to say no. And tbh “gender equal” or not it would feel emasculating.

It would be better for a woman to have an honest conversation saying she wants to get married but not an actual proposal.

Seinna · Answer

If you're with a guy for a long time and he never brought it up then you should do it and have a serious conversation about what you both want out of it. Most likely you're wasting your time and he's NOT waiting for a proposal and will most likely reject you.

Heartache0405 · Answer

Well I don’t plan on ever getting married so if a woman were to propose to me she doesn’t know me at all. The answer would be an obvious no and to make things worse she’s probably use the people around us as peer pressure. In a society that caters to women, I’d be ridiculed for saying no to her proposal. 🤷🏻‍♂️

EmmaMary · Answer

Absolutely right it is, especially with Valentine's Day fast approaching!

Mangospacho · Answer

Wait. So she’s buying her own ring? If she proposes and he says “yes”, does she then put his engagement ring on his finger or does she put her engagement ring (from herself) on her own finger and then hand him the bill for the ring? Or does she pick out and pay for her own engagement ring? If the answer to the last question is “yes” then I could see getting behind this movement.

Biancam13 · Answer

Yes, but I will say that l would personally wait for the guy to propose. I knew of a girl who proposed to her boyfriend and they ended up getting divorced because he said yes even though he didn’t want to marry her :/

Ez-Bri-Z · Answer

Why would it me improper? In the end they could end up being married and isn't that the point in the end? Does it really matter who asked who?

TheAfrikan · Answer

Frankly am okay with her making a move on me and she spits out her guts, memories, ideas, vibes but am not okay with her proposing marriage to me.
Nope me as a man I am the one to propose to her, since i would want to make her feel more than special.

Avcfhcic · Answer

My mans a lucky guy if you propose to him. Equality and that, if you want to marry him, you go for it and ask! I doubt he'd say no!

HarborLight · Answer

As any good attorney will tell you, the most important thing is to know the answer before you ask the question! ;) Just make sure it's a Leap Year when you ask. That's traditionally when a woman can ask a man to marry her (rather than the other way around), and it'll add some fun to what should already be a fun conversation. But again: know the answer first!

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

I would just say

You will never know untill you try.

Wait for Valentine's day and also do it in private settings so that godforbid by any chance it goes south nobody will be there.

And you could go home knowing the answer

Anonymous · Answer

lol, so ridiculous (to me) what society sometimes makes people believe is "proper" or not. Just like a woman should be able to ask a guy out, she should also propose if she wants to.

Commander_Red · Answer

For me personally, no! It just feels weird to me, and the idea of a man proposing feels more romantic. I imagine if I were the one to propose, people would wonder what's wrong with him that I had to it myself lol.

diwira · Answer

We live in the new age, girl! propose to a guy if you feel like it.

OpenClose · Answer

I mean yeah, do it. I don't know I can only speak for myself but I would be ecstatic at the attempt even if I had to turn it down.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Why not? Someone needs to take charge. Infact I would really appreciate any girl who musters the courage to confess to me.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

No. Its disgusting. Id be highly offended and out of principle would say no because its morally wrong. Women control sex and men marriage. The equivalent would be a man pushing you into having sex. Not right.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

I am pretty certain that many males at GaG would love this. As for me,  hell no.

humpbackjack · Answer

My wife proposed to me after dating for 18 months we got married 6 months later and that was almost thirty years ago

acooke-13 · Answer

Of course, people only like to disagree because it's 'traditional'

Anonymous · Answer

A lot of the time. When a woman has to propose, chase, ask out, pursue or chase... it's because the guy is simply not interested enough, or not interested at all.

AMA_ImAnOpenBook · Answer

Gonna go with no on this one. If you want to get married then talk to the man about it and see if he wants that or not and let him know where you stand on the issue. The proposal is his move though.

Petermorgan34 · Answer

No, not traditional, he is either a pussy and to scared to ask, or he doesn't see her that way

Amg147 · Answer

No, the man needs to have the guts to ask. That is his place not mine.

jshm2 · Answer

Not seen anyone arrested for it, so you do you. But not sure the guy will live it down.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I was proposed to once! I would've accepted but she was only 3 years old, at the time.

slatyb · Answer

Proper? No one gets a vote beside the proposer and her partner.

sensible27 · Answer

If you care maybe you aren't in love enough? (Or maybe you're confused why they haven't yet..)

John_Doesnt · Answer

It's sad and desperate. If your man doesn't propose then it means he has no intentions of taking the relationship seriously.

ChiTown33 · Answer

Absolutely! I have a ladyfriend who proposed to her husband 18 years. Ago and they're still going strong.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s year 2022... women are allowed to take the lead and ask men out or make proposals... but I would be a bit cautious and not bring it up very abruptly or suddenly especially if your boyfriend is a shy sensitive cautious type of a guy...

donnny2367764 · Answer

It doesn't matter anymore. At the current divorce rate it doesn't mean anything who ever proposes first

Anonymous · Answer

I think more and more women are going to have to do it because more and more men are not interested in marriage so they're not going to do it themselves.

Capt_Obvious · Answer

No.  If my girlfriend did it to me I would cut bait...

Anonymous · Answer

Proper? Frankly, it's the way it should be. Fewer and fewer men are interested in marriage anymore, for what should be obvious reasons. Women are going to have to start getting down on their knees.

awkward_author · Answer

That's completely fine. My ex-fiancee asked me to marry her.

jahaims · Answer

No one should propose if marriage wasn't discussed.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You certainly can if you want to. I don't see anything wrong with it.

MJtheCoach · Answer

Men are running from marriage and relationships. So good luck with that. Unless you find yourself a soyboy or a fat guy or some sissy boy.

Deserter · Answer

That's pretty cool, but you have to be sure he'll be ok with it. Many guys wouldn't and want to take the lead, y'know?

LegendaryIcon · Answer

it depends you'd have to take it into consideration how old the two are, and why she's doing it

Anonymous · Answer

Yes sure. That may scare off the weak men but at least you got the results you were after. The results may or may not be of your liking.

MysteriousDarkness · Answer

I say don't do it unless you are for sure he wants to get married and us ready to.

naraku · Answer

We're in the 21st Century. I think if a female would like to propose then why not?

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

we dont want marriage, we can live happy together without it

Anonymous · Answer

If the head of the house will be a woman when they get married, why not.

Minahh · Answer

I think it doesn't matter in the 21st century really

LivingExample · Answer

Bring up the subject of Marriage instead of proposing!

Manuel2 · Answer

I wish it would happen to me. Engaged many times but no marriage

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

No, it's not. If you man hasn't asked you to marry him, then you need to figure out why.

Shiningtempest · Answer

@julianna445 All that matters is a lady having the guts to propose to a guy.

TsAubreyKate · Answer

No very sad and desperate no real woman would behave in such a shameful manner

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Who cares about what’s “proper”? Live live the way you wanna live it.

mribas · Answer

Ofc it is, there's no law saying you have to wait for the guy to ask

Anonymous · Answer

You're right, marriage is just a contract for the courts.

Flower7 · Answer

No, that’s not a good idea.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

''We'' are a bit slow sometimes :D Go for it.

Dargil · Answer

Sure. It's the same as a guy.

Is it proper for a lady to propose to a guy?

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Is it proper for a lady to propose to a guy?

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