I am in a 5 year relationship. Months in, he cheated on me because he got mad at me. Then I cheated back out of spite. I wanted to start over but somehow me cheating on him was way worse than he cheating on me with more than 5 girls (he used to tell me the moment it happened) he completely controlled me, couldn’t have social media, my gps location, we FaceTime 24/7, showers with me on the phone, eat with him on the phone, sleep on the phone, it’s a problem if a coworkers talks to me. How can I even cheat if I’m 24/7 talking to him through FaceTime? I FaceTime when I wake up until I get to work, FaceTime on my break, FaceTime when I get out, a cycle. I work 40 hours a week, he has a problem with that but I’m the one buying his weed and his needs, I’m a full time student trying to get into Med school and have certifications, he tells me I never have time for him but we’re always on the goddamn phone. I ask if we don’t FaceTime because I feel drained and it’s a problem and it means I’m doing something behind his back. He doesn’t work at all, he dropped out of school because he said to me “you focused on your school and left me with anxiety so I stopped going to my classes”. I feel like I don’t have a conscious of my own, he always decide for me, I can’t go anywhere and if so, when where and why, I can’t talk to anyone, I am suffocating, crying everyday because I live him to death, I want a family with him and get married but in these 5 years he’s never bought me nor even made me a gift from scratch while I have given him everything PS5, PS VR, weed, bongs, everything just everything, he says he loves me and it’s complicated he says that he always caters to my feelings, but I’m the only one working hard as fuck to keep a float while he doesn’t have to do nothing because he’s parents are loaded and don’t even want me because I don’t have their economic status. I NEED HELP I am vulnerable I don't know what to do I need advice I don't know who to talk
I feel my relationship is in a dark spiral of possessiveness and unfairness?
