What are the changes you noticed when you chose to be vulnerable?

[Anonymous]

Honest question to the gents…What would deter you from being more vulnerable with women? What are the general responses you have received from women when you did choose to be vulnerable? Did you regret it later or was it beneficial to some of you?

[HighlyVolatile]

>> What would deter you from being more vulnerable with women?

For me, it's usually an absence of humor on her part. Humor is my way to open up to women with the cheesy and sentimental stuff. My wife is perfect though. She has an awesome sense of humor.

>> What are the general responses you have received from women when you did choose to be vulnerable?

Depends on the woman. With my wife, it's awesome. She'll tend to laugh and hug me and tease me a lot. I really hate it when women turn all serious when I'm trying to open up to them or start treating me like a child: "Aww, poor baby." I never wanted that. I like to joke and laugh and hug instead.

>> Did you regret it later or was it beneficial to some of you?

For me, it always helped if we start laughing a lot. That was always beneficial to me when I could laugh about these things. If we start getting all serious and dramatic about it, I often found it made me feel worse, not better.

[HighlyVolatile]

As an example, I opened up to my wife about my worry that, given how much I can be a drunk jackass, one day I might cease to be the life of the party and all my friends might start to hate me. Then she called me a stupid idiot and teased me and said I'm the silliest guy while laughing at me, and that made me laugh too and feel so much better!

My wife is one of the most unusual women that way who makes me feel so comfortable to open up around.

[HighlyVolatile]

One of the things about my wife is that has an exceptional understanding of how men work and think. I think it's because she grew up the only daughter in a house of brothers. So she understands how to balance nurturing, practicality, affection, and humor perfectly in ways that work for very thick-skinned guys who find the conventional way that women want us to open up very cliche and cheesy.

[HighlyVolatile]

* she has

[Asker]

Awwe☺️

[Anonymous]

My brother died in a car crash four years ago. I struggled emotionally for a while after that and I cried in front of my ex on several occasions. I could see it made her uncomfortable and our relationships was awkward after that. Yeah I have always regretted that.

[Asker]

😔Sorry about that. Hope each day is feeling a bit better. Grief is extremely difficult to process

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you. I'm in a better place now but it's still hard to think about.

[Dchrls78104]

That's why she's your ex, bro. Good job, that; she was all wrong for you.

[caring__1]

Without allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we'll never have more than superficiality in a relationship. By allowing vulnerability, we're giving this person ammunition they can use against us in the future while showing we trust them to not use it against us. Anyone who allows significant vulnerability before determining whether this person can be trusted is reckless. Hopefully, we do our best to see the person clearly rather than just what we want to see in the person. Vulnerability will give us depth in a relationship, adding new dimensions that allow for more meaningful connection.

If you care about a relationship and see reluctance in the other to be vulnerable, find out what you may be doing that might cause this person to question whether you can be trusted. It's usually as simple as being unaware of how critical we may be. Never relabel criticism as constructive criticism, as any unsolicited advice will generally be received as criticism.

When I feel safe enough to drop my defenses and be totally vulnerable, I feel a sense of freedom, comfort and belonging. I feel safe to be me... without fear of being judged or controlled. Clear, open, honest communication is essential for this to occur. When I have trusted to this extent and found my trust betrayed, I've generally shut down and refused to allow any further vulnerability. If you value that vulnerability, treat it as a priceless treasure that you'll protect at all costs. Never allow your sense of entitlement to say or do whatever you want to replace your consideration and respect for the other person.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Opening up used to lead to threats and blackmail. Some women are just evil. And then one even went so far as to replace what I said with some warped, sexualized gibberish. Twisting my words 8000 ways to Sunday, then she filed a false police report!

It took two months to prove my innocence. Her malice still haunts me, even 15 years later. On top of that, some deranged cafeteria manager around that same time was involved in some twisted conspiracy against me.

For 15 years, I've lived in fear that this could happen again at any time.

[Asker]

Geez, I’m really sorry🙈I hope you did not have to do actual time. Unfortunately being a woman in many parts of the world affords that authorities always believe you, even before facts are put on the table. 😔

[ObscuredBeyond]

Thankfully, I never went to jail. But I did have to attend two months of mandatory counseling.

[Red_Dawn123]

I tend to be more emotional with my significant others and a soulless robot around everyone else.(introverted to a severe degree) I stopped opening up to my partners though because every time I would open up to them, any of them, they would say I need to “man up” or “get over it”. I even had one partner tell me “god, why are you so emotional all the damn time? You always want to talk about the smallest arguments or things that are bothering you, I feel like I’m dating a damn women.” That particular relationship was years ago, But What she said really did some damage and stuck with me. I honestly feel like a guy showing his emotional side or “being vulnerable” lowers his partners attraction for him. This was at least my experience. I’m sure not all Relationships or women are like that.

[AndrésC64]

I've talked with my best girl friend and my therapist about this. I think like many guys, especially older guys like myself, were raised to believe that showing emotions for vulnerability is a weakness. It's still very difficult for me. But when I do it, it actually feels good. And even though I know that it feels good, I still have a hard time doing it. 🤷🏼‍♂️

[imfreeze95]

I am 26 and I am not vulnerable by nature I keep my s#! t to myself

[magiusX26]

y'all say that is what you want, along with honesty but as soon as a guy does either y'all typically ignore, make fun of, overlook, or stop seeing us as worthy of attention at best. some go so far as to truly weaponize it by leading a guy on with that info knowing you have no intention of dating him and yet continue till he is drained dry, then moves on to someone else.

[Anonymous]

Never ever ever ever ever but definitely NEVER open up to women. They will only judge you for it and use it against you in the future. Anything you say can and will be used against you. Women’s ability to remember something you said once and throw it back up to you five years later is astonishing.

[Danny_dan92]

I never chose to be vulnerable. I become vulnerable by circumstances or events I experience

[Crankor]

Being vulnerable how? Just speaking your mind more or?

[Asker]

Expressing your emotions, deep thoughts etc.

[Crankor]

Yah I can see depending on what you share and how often could have negative effects. There's different things to talk about though when doing that too...

[Cluelessguy95]

The couple of times I have shown myself vulnerable in front of other people i have been made fun of and told to man up.

[IMuser]

Getting dumped sooner than i would normally have

[imfreeze95]

None I’m not really vulnerable by nature

[anton_dee]

Doubt, lowered confidence

[jimmy2]

I been vunable for last 8 years all i got was scam