How have you handled financial talks with your partners?

[teawrecks]

About to have a serious discussion with my fiancé about finances and creating a bullet point list of things to talk about.

What are specifics that should be mentioned? If your discussions ever ended up heated how did you get them to calm back down again?

We both have a tendency to get passionate

[Anonymous]

Keep finances separate. Period.

I work. You work. I pay the bills, rent and food. If there's kids or child care, I pay expenses for them. If you're stuck at home until they grow and go to school, I'll buy your sanitary napkins and feminine hygeine products. What more do you need me to do? You're safe, warm, fed, clothed, and clean. That's my half.

You finance yourself, before or after children. They're at school or gone, go back to work. It takes two, not necessarily sharing everything. I don't give you any money, you don't ask me for any. If you can't afford anything, like a new dress or shoes, or make up, or more feminine hygeine stuff, and you're working again because the kids are tended to, after I've paid everything, you obviously have money management problems. That's your issue. Learn better management techniques. Don't ask me to bail you out. Do I ask you for money? Do I have problems? No, but I'll be glad to teach you my technique (s) so you don't end up in such a predicament again. It's up to you.

Why is it that people feel like others should be responsible for them? They enter into a relationship standing on their own two feet, and somewhere along the line, things change, and now all of the sudden, one has to, or feels obligated to, or is guilted into, taking financial care of the other?

Don't hand me you agreed to share responsibilities. I did not. I'm giving my half. That it's the right thing to do if you love someone. I'm already giving my half. I beg to differ. You take care of yours. I take care of mine. Established UP FRONT, that way there's no questions later.

This technique surely saves on the financial fights which we all know are probably one of the first few reasons relationships fail. One gets tired of financing the other. One spends shared money like its their own. It breeds resentment. That turns to anger. Then he cuts the money, so she cuts the sex off, then he cheats, because she won't give him any unless he gives her money, which is guilt. Say bye bye to the relationship.

Just keep things separate. It's not that hard. If she won't agree to that, then there's no relationship. I've NEVER had a problem with this method, with ANY woman, even with the shared responsibility of children. They have their own money that they're responsible for, and they keep track of it and live within their means. It's a win- win.

I ain't paying for no one. End of subject.

[Opinion Owner]

I say, I ain't paying for no one. You say, but you're paying the rent and the bills and for everything she needs when she doesn't have money to do so. I say, yep, because I invited her into a relationship, so it's my responsibility, with these caveats. When you're able to work, you manage your own money. I don't see anything wrong with having a partner be fiscally responsible. I do my part, you do yours. That's the entire 100% of your effort going in to your 50% of the relationship. I have my half handled.

[DaveJord]

No well I would say... my ex had different finical goals for herself that apparently did not include me. Where I was trying to be more mutually beneficial to all parties involved.

So I don't have any good advice to give you, sounds like my experience in this matter is very similar to yours. I would recommend though if you are having problems with coming to any agreement that you start putting money in your own personal accounts... I waited too long to do this myself.

In healthy relationships this is something that is not difficult to discuss with your partner... so of course I did not have a healthy relationship. So the sooner you start protecting your finical interests the better. My spouse hid money from me while I tried for too long to be transparent and faith.

[PrettyPriya]

We just sit down and talk about where we are at and what we are going to allocate our money to (home projects, holiday trips, etc). Never an issue in our house and rarely a disagreement, luckily.

[Yumix]

Find common spendings and decide how you wanna handle them. Specifics really depend on your living and financial situation.

We just have a shared account that is used for anything that affects both of us, like food, traveling, cleaner, etc. The rest we pay out of our own pockets

[jahaims]

I've never had an issue with this

[Wise4myage]

I will If I ever get married.