I'm not happy in my relationship. Should I leave?

[Anonymous]

I love my fiance. I do. We have two wonderful babies together. But he ignores me. The only time he pays any attention to me is when he wants sex. I ask to watch movies, I get ignored. I ask to go for a walk. I get told later. All he wants to do when he's not at work is game while I'm dealing with the kids. And god forbid I interrupt him to show him something. I love him. But I'm starting to wonder if love is all that's needed. Do I leave?

[VinnyMac]

2/2

He's going to see that not being together will create a ripple effect that will forever change the trajectory of his life. Is willing to to co-parent, to possibly lose custody or to continue being alone. During this period it may be best to set clear boundaries for yourself involving any interactions with him. You're now the one who has taken control of your life and he no longer is able to have you do his ever bidding. It probably be best to not go to him, but rather have him come to you. If he wants his family back then he'll need to prove it to you through his actions and his behavior both towards you and your children. If he can begin to do do these things maybe over time your relationship will improve. It'll continue to be hard, buy any form of change takes a great deal of time and effort from both of you.

If he's able to do all these things, prove himself then maybe It's time to step away from the break that you've taken and try again perhaps with counseling that you insist upon. Hopefully that will help your relationship, your family and help you in moving forward in a healthier relationship where you can be happy once more.

Hopefully after enduring all of these things together things will continue in a positive direction.

(If not that may the final straw and separating for good this time may be what needs to happen for you to be happy. The most important thing is to try and to do everything you possibly can before leaving. Sometimes as much as we want for someone to change we cannot be the one to change them, they have to do that themselves. We can do our best to help and that is what is truly of the most importance, thar we never gave up trying)

[Oigit]

I would push for marriage counseling before leaving. In general it's not for you or him. It's for the kids. You and him calling it quits will negatively effect them no matter what. Also their best interest does need to come before everything. In general our life is no longer our life the moment kids come into the picture. The kids come first and should always come first. My younger brother and I where raised by a single mother. You better belie her not getting that created a lot of issues in my brother and I's life and it also created a lot of resentment towards her on both my brother and my end.

[SecretsofKB]

I hate telling people to leave their partner. Sometimes it is necessary though.

To me, this relationship already seems over. I know you love him, but you need to find someone that loves you back.

[Alyssa_11]

Don't leave.

Isn't this just what happens in a longer relationship? Have you tried talking to him about it? Do you need to change something in both of your lives to help fix this, like a routine?

[4eyes2mouths]

Before I start I'm not discrediting your wants, needs, and happiness


FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET THE MAN GAME. It's important to make him realize you're ok with him gaming. He needs his downtime to decompress...

Write him a note telling him how you are feeling

Tell him you miss hanging out together in it and you appreciate everything he is doing to support your family.

I would suggest going to couples therapy together down the line if he is up for it.

Above everything communication is key.

[RawIronhide]

People think a relationships purpose is to supply you with happiness. You're partner is not an endorphin shot. You're not always supposed to be happy. Having said that you have good reason to be contimplating this. Try to talk things out. Tell him spicifically what needs to change and offer a counter reward of some sort such as time alone or sex (though I'm against using sex for bargaining) it's totally up to you two. Relationships take work nigotiation, communication, and compromise is paramount even should you find a new partner.

[DaveJord]

I did not read the detsils, but based upon question alone. I always say if your not happy in a relationship or you feel that you giving more than your partner is contributing or there some sense of anxiety building in you because of their actions or lack there of... then fuck yes you end it and move on.

This good advice no matter the circumstances... the more you allow it to continue the more you have yourself to blame. You probably never find ture happiness with this person any way if this how they choose to treat others.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

This is not reason to leave , communication is required have to tried playing video games with him.

In every relationship there is one person who is mature and one person not so mature.

In your case you are the mature one so yeah it sucks but most responsibility will lie with you

If you love him make it work make him understand.

Tell him that you need a break and want to go somewhere alone and he should handle kids

Then he will understand how much effort is there in it

Yeah men have tendencies of taking things for granted untill not made aware of

[Mossberg500]

Lol there are so many girls like you around here it's absurd. Meaning, still young, but with all that 'baggage.'

Maybe try protection until you're old enough to know if you're going to be with a person for, you know, forever.

Dumb ass teens and early 20-somethings think they know it all and have it all then reality smacks them in the face.

You should have sought wisdom before you got knocked up multiple times, let that be a warning to the few non-baggage carriers 18-24. smfh.

[TsAubreyKate]

So you’re just gonna keep leaving when it gets hard this is reality not the rainbow fairytale Disney told you about couples fight argue and keep it moving till death do us part and you people wonder why you can’t have a good relationship you run when things get serious then bitch because you forgot how hard it was on the dating scene it’s a shit show I promise just work it out if for nothing else than that reason there’s so many games and bullsht if you got someone already just talk it out work it out cus this dating sht ain’t it boo

[Anonymous]

Put it this way... most women get the grass is greener syndrome when they get bored and they almost always end up sorry, sad, pathetic, and desperate to find that unreachable “perfect” they insanely believe is out there.

If you are “unhappy”, ask yourself why and work with the person who actually loves you to become happy. Chasing the missing 20% you don’t get from your husband will make you lose the 80% you do have.

Don’t let the female illusion of choice make you do something stupid.

[AviatorTom]

A group of strangers can't tell you what to do. Only you can make that decision, and it's a difficult one.

When faced with a difficult decision it's helpful to consider a "what if". If I do X, will I be better or worse off. In your situation, if you leave, will you and your children be better off than if you stay, or will you be worse off?

I wish you the best.

[DarkWinterNights]

Divorce is not a do over. You have to carry that baggage with you the rest of your life. And dating with kids is not easy. Most guys will bail on you once finding out because they don’t want to take the responsibility to someone else’s kids. It sounds brutal but it’s the truth. The grass is not greener on the other side.
Do what you can to fix your situation. Have you bothered bringing up your concerns to him? Why is running away your first instinct?

[nawtee_me]

There is a difference in loving someone and being in love with someone. You love him, you have past with him. You have kids with him and you are used to him... None of that means you are in love with him...
When you wake up and he is still asleep and you look at him do your toes curl up? (You know what I mean) When he looks at you do you get that feeling deep down inside of you, or is it just gas?
Relationships take work and a lot of it, Are you willing to work for it? Is he?

[gangster123]

I know of a friend who is in this situation.. there are lot of things to consider in this. Can chat if you think..


Might need to ask yourself if you can be happy of you leave him
Can you find and lead a happy life with another partner forgetting him
Are you going to miss him and just cry after you leave him
And not the least are there someone your partner listens to. Can you take some help
Etc
These are kind of things you need to ask yourself.

[AdithyaR]

Okay quite a few guys here telling you to work through it or its just rough times, to hell with that
As someone who games a lot, I'd never it come before my duties to my partner or kid. He's ignoring you as a partner and and ignoring the kid as a father. He's not a man, he's just pathetic.
Run girl, run.

[Anonymous]

I would say to seek a couples counselor first, before leaving. With children involved this is a bit more serious than just leaving someone that you are dating. Sorry to read that you are going through this. He clearly isn't holding up his end. Hopefully he can wise up and do his part in the relationship.

[Rohan-Thanekar]

Hey you need a deep conversation. You need to talk to him & clear you point. at least he needs to know you are feeling this way. If he loves you then he will at least make a attempt to fix this. Have a lovely life ♥️

[HighValue]

I'd suggest first show interest and participate in things he likes doing before asking him to participate in things you like doing. That is a better way to cause someone to actually want to do stuff you like.

[jimmy2]

Wow leave for a week with the bsbies. Go back no changes leave for good. but best for you to work it out. One thing i can say with my bride that passed away. I never feel that hug again
That kiss.
The love
The geat times we had we never have again.
Dude open your eyes to this beautiful woman

[DizzyDesii]

Youve asked and still haven't received. If you no longer see a future with him, leave. I mean y'all still gotta coparent but leave it at that

[shaysh87]

this is why so many kids grow up in broken families. These people think its like playing jig saw puzzle, you're together whenever you feel like it.

[Razp_Sorbet]

You could sit down and have a conversation with him about how you feel. Then if nothing changes consider it...

[GlassTop]

Maybe have a conversation. Tell him how you feel about your current relationship. He probably doesn’t think it’s serious. Just make sure you don’t cheat. Leave before you cheat.

[exitseven]

You do not say what your life circumstances are but it looks like he needs to step up and be a father to those kids. They are his responsibility too.

[DizzyDesii]

He needs to be a father and a fiance. But either way, she's asked and he's still not into her like he's into his beloved game. She should leave

[exitseven]

@DizzyDesii does she end up on welfare? what happens to the kids? If she boots him out he will just bail on those kids.

[DizzyDesii]

Not everyone ends up on welfare lmao. My fams never been on it and my mom was a single mom of two. And we can't say she had child support because neither mf paid on time

[exitseven]

@DizzyDesii that is why I said that I do not know their life circumstances.

[DizzyDesii]

She can work two jobs or maybe she saved up but either way, money is not excuse enough to stay. She should leave and put him on child support. But she shouldn't rely on him paying. She should still work and save up.

[Anonymous]

Whoever said "love is all you need" was the partner who put in minimal effort. Swear to God. A partner can't give you happiness, but damn can they get in the way of it

[skyeee_]

you might wanna talk things out about it, because he's ur fiance. if he's irresponsible then you're better off without him

[rabbitzzz]

Leave temporarily. If he learns his lesson then give him a chance? If not leave forever.

Dont date or fuck other dudes on temporary leave.

[Djaay]

Are you making your relationship unbearable in terms that your distance is becauze your lack of communicatiin with bim? Is there sacrifice and compramises?

[whosnumber1]

ummmmm. what? he games while YOU take care of the kids... fuuuuuck that. I would throw the TV out the back door. no, no, no, no. you tell him your not happy. tell him why and be firm about it.

[Sam_The_Savage]

Marriage is the scam...
Wife's - "free private prostitute"

[driven159]

it might be time to think about it but make sure you can afford it so put money away for that day it's not going to get better

[Anonymous]

Yes, leave. You deserve a guy who cares about your emotions not about his lust only

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with rabbitzzz opinion also

[Anonymous]

My ex left me for another man. Turned out the fields were not greener. She begged me to come back but I'm happy dating a much younger woman.

[007kingifrit]

you need to very firmly and directly tell him how you feel and warn him

[Misfit138]

Have you told them you feel this way. If no, do so then reevaluate

[CallmeTheKnight]

Why did you even say yes in the first place?

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes. Break up with him. Do not marry him.

[Alexis_1996]

Yes cause even changes will it be permanent?

[SecretGardenBlood65]

talk to each other instead of breaking up

[Anonymous]

do what makes you happy

[Anonymous]

Welcome to marriage.

[nachosaresexy]

harsh but fair.

i'll probably get married at some point, because love & tradition & stuff, but it seems scary af. statistically somewhere around half of marriages end in divorce, and the other half... how many of those are actually *happy* marriages vs. peeps who just stay together for convenience/complacency/kids/intimidation/etc etc etc.

[Opinion Owner]

@nachosaresexy

I listened to a radio show once, and the psychologist /host asked a man how long he'd been married. He said: "60 miserable years." lol

I had a guy friend I worked with, and he told me that when he gets married that it will be nonstop sex. (His name was Joe, and he was a real player)

We went out and had drinks and I broke the news to him. I told him that women have never met the bad Joe, just the good Joe. He was confused. I told him that he's always been the good Joe that brings flowers and chocolates. He wines and dines lots of women.

I then told him that the girls never met the bad Joe. I'm talking about the Joe that came home from a 16 hour shift and just crawled in bed. Or what about the Joe who had to say no to the Cabo trip, because the roof needed work. Or what about the Joe who had to say no to the new couch, because the breaks on the car were shot. lol

I wish you could have seen the look on his face when reality sunk in. Compared to casual dating, marriage is a horse of a different color.

[nachosaresexy]

yeah... Joe... c'mon bruh. even if he was lucky to avoid the reality of the stuff you described, i'm somewhat young & naive (?) myself but realize that the idea of living with the same person foreverrr isn't a complete game changer.

i mean, he is probably right that when he gets married it'll be nonstop sex... for at least 2 months! After that - hello, reality!

[nachosaresexy]

*is a game changer

[Opinion Owner]

@nachosaresexy

When the honeymoon is over, it's over. Resentment snowballs. Joe did this, so I'm going to do that. She did that, so I'm going to do this. After time you're no more than roommates paying the bills.

[nachosaresexy]

have you been married before, if you don't mind me asking?

I'm wondering about what if the tradition of marriage wasn't a *thing* manufactured by society, and instead peeps just dated, decided when their partner was worth having a family/kid (s) with, and lived together without the pressure of social norms like "marriage" and "divorce" and all the rest. I guess I'm wondering if the marriage "commitment" (a paper document) is more beneficial or negative when relationships start to struggle.

Also feel like I'm rambling and not making much sense at this point.

[Opinion Owner]

@nachosaresexy

I've been married, and you're not rambling. I'm tempted to kind of do a Mytake thing, but I know it would crash and burn on this site. Do you want to know the jist?

[nachosaresexy]

i actually do! so much stuff on this site is fake or obnoxious or whatever else so it's cool to get actual female insight on real life shiz. you can message me or explain here or whatever works.

[Opinion Owner]

@nachosaresexy

I worked with a chef at a country club. We were talking about marriage and divorce. He said when he was a kid growing up in France, that his parents had a great marriage. Everyone in his family knew that their mom had to lovers and their dad had one. He said there was never arguments or fighting that he can remember. Marriage was about a partnership like a business. The mom and dad just needed to take care of kids and put a roof over them. He said that the sex part was farmed out.

Remember Joe? In this scenario he could still be the nice guy that brought flowers, but didn't have to be the bad guy in decisions. The chef said this was common in France.

I'm not saying this is good, and I'm not saying this is bad. I'm just telling you what he said. You know the divorce rate in America is about 50% and that's not much of a success story.

Are we doing it right in America, or did they have it right? I don't know, but it's sad that sites like Ashley Madison are so popular.

[nachosaresexy]

Interesting stuff.

I wish I paid more attention to history during school but as far as basic human history, I've read stuff that it was common in early history for humans to travel in small groups and that within those groups it was completely normal for females to be shared among males. The females didn't *belong* to a male, they moved 'freely' and it didn't make the female 'cheap' ... it was an accepted part of the group's structure and basically empowered her in some ways.

Do I think that's the perfect version of society we should all strive for... nah probably not. But as I learn more about history and gain more life experience myself, it becomes more clear that just because things have been done a certain way during my life doesn't mean it's the right way.

[Opinion Owner]

@nachosaresexy

You're right about that. Here we are talking about WWIII. For what?

Let me tell you about something similar that I just read about. It would be a good Mytake for another site that this.

Have you heard of a poly tribe? Most people have heard of polygamous relationships, where the wife might have more than one partner or the husband might have the same.

A tribe is a group of like-minded people who are sworn to be monogamous to the tribe. They are voted into the tribe and have to abide by the rules. The main rule is monogamy to the group. This allows for safe sex, and not having to be in a one-on-one relationship.

If you decide you want someone outside the tribe, you have to leave the tribe. Is this real? I have no clue, but you can Google it. I just like to talk about things that are different, and not "what's your favorite color." No one gives a fuck about your favorite color. lol

[nachosaresexy]

I haven't heard of it specifically but makes sense. The stuff I was talking about goes back to the earliest stuff of historians trying to piece together anything discoverable to understand how humans interacted, how they survived, stuff like that.

Is at least some of those early groups, it was perfectly normal for sex to just happen and there was no time to be too worried about jealousy because the next day you're hunting/gathering food for survival while also relying on each other to avoid being eaten by larger animals. Which is a whole different topic... in early history humans weren't sh*t on the planet compared to other animals, that only happened after we figured out how to cooperate and systematically destroy other species.

(tried to tell you i'm rambling haha)

[nachosaresexy]

pretty far off topic but check this out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzj7Wg4DAbs

[Opinion Owner]

@nachosaresexy

Interesting

[checkingavailability]

Go with the flow.

[JoyGirl]

Couple counseling.

[Uptowngirl88]

Gurl bye

[fred_durst]

yes , time to leave