What to do when mother behaves conservatively in my relationship?

[Anonymous]

She's my neighbour and relative. We're in serious relationship. Today I bought some snacks for us and them. She asked why i bought for them. I said it's for her.

Then we started some word fights and she asked "who are you to give her food, while she have her parents their".
I asked "would you eat something alone without giving to dad. That's the reason"

She was like "how dare you compare her with us. We're married and you're not" i said "love is important for unmarried couples too". Then she started raising her voice. Speaking so much against me, started crying and slammed the door.

What should I do 🙂

Updates

+1 y

Mother have no problem with my relationship. But she's very conservative. She thinks only married people love eachother and only they can live together, have physical relationship, travel together.. kind of.. Indians can understand this

[SueShe]

Do I get it correctly that you are in love with your relative?

Your story is a little confusing. My guess is that your mother disapproves of you getting involved with a relative. That is not really the best thing to do and in a way, I do understand your mother to be upset about this affair.

However, seeing that you are in your mid to late twenties according to your profile, your mother should not have any business telling you how to behave even if you live at her place, as long as you share rent and other services.

You should make it clear to your mother that your life as an adult is your sole concern and that she should not interfere with you on that topic.

[PrettyPriya]

I was confused as well and therefore did not comment. I will hitch a ride on your opinion for some info if you don't mind. 😊

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya koee samasya nahin :-)

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya look what just popped in

Which would turn you more? ↗

Perhaps that you have a good reply that has never been given before on that original question

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe Oh goodness me. I will have to think on that and see what I can craft. I have used so many replies to that I'm not sure what I have left. 😞

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya You will have to dig very deep in your secret bag of original replies

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe I have taken the poor grammar route. Best I had at this hour.

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya You must be exhausted from the heat of the day, the heat of the stove and the heat of those original questions...

[Asker]

@sueshe @PrettyPriya I'll update in short. Thanks for showing interest. Please check update

[SueShe]

okay, I will. Thanks

[SueShe]

My guess is that your mother was brought up the old fashioned way and she does not endorse your way of living.

Besides trying to tell her that society has changed, there is not much you will be able to do. Also, you have to make her understand that you are entitled to live the life you have chosen and if you want to love a person that is not married, that is your prerogative and that she should not interfere.

[PrettyPriya]

@asker Can I venture a guess that your mother grew up in a rural area and not big city? I know exactly of what you are talking about, to an extent. My family was far more liberal when it came to dating and relationships.

That has a lot to do with growing up in a big city that is diverse and changes with the times much quicker. @SueShe is correct that your mother is not going to change her mindset. I know this all too well.

[Asker]

@PrettyPriya yes my mother grew up in a very rural area and lived old fashion way. I'll slowly try to make her understand. Thanks a lot Priya and SueShe

[PrettyPriya]

I thought so. Yep, best to ease her into the idea. If there is anything I can help with, let me know. You are more than welcome. If you liked SueShe's advice, you may want to consider it for most helpful opinion when that option is available to you.

She does give good advice. Take care of yourself! 😊

[SueShe]

@PrettyPriya so much praise, my ego is boosted and I might fly away if I only get a little more. Thanks but you have much better insight in that culture than I do. While I love Indian food and cooking, I cannot compete with your first hand experience.

[WonderBell99]

I don’t fully understand what you mean, but I’m guessing you’re saying that your mum is interfering in your relationship with your girlfriend. You have to make her understand that what she is doing is vexing and that she has to stay out of it. I’m assuming she was brought up the old fashioned way in the rural side where even dating was frowned upon?

You can’t do anything except to have a conversation with her. If she is not understanding, you cannot do much. You can only slowly change her mentality, but it’ll take some time. She likes your girlfriend.. so that’s one worry less. If she cries, let her cry. Give her some space. She will come around. I can’t believe she is making a big deal out of nothing. This is quite unusual but I’m guessing it’s common among Indian parents. I’m of Indian origin as well, by the way.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for the opinion. Yup grew up in an old fashioned way and can't realise that the world is changing. I tried to talk to her and we ended up in an argument lol.
Hope she slowly change her mentality as you told. Thanks bud

[In_Trance]

You need to have a conversation with her

[Agape93]

What in the god damn

[flirtatiousgirl]

Don't care