Is it ok that my boyfriend is having lunch with a girl whom he used to like and she liked him back?

[Lucpol]

Sorry this is a long one, please read this before I explain my question, so you can have a better idea of why I am so uncomfortable with this. Here it goes: Around 9 years ago my boyfriend and that woman used to like each other (as told by him to me), we didn't know each other by then. Now they're around 28 and my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. A year and a half ago he confessed me that he had coffee with her without telling me, which I did not pay much attention to, but later on, I found she suddenly started going to the same gym he is without her actually living any close to that area, but some weeks later she stopped going. Also, when my boyfriend first started dating me, a friend of his told me that the other woman was saying bad things about me out of nowhere (I am a great girlfriend and I am very nice with my boyfriend, plus I had never dated anyone before so I was extremely pure and sweet all the time with him) so there's was no reason for her to talk trash about me back then, so I think that was a clear indicator of huge jealousy from her.

So, let's talk about Today, a few days ago my boyfriend got drunk and saw a tag of him by the other woman on facebook suggesting him to go out together and he texted the other woman and a friend of her to go for lunch without me. I find it not really wrong, but I have a strong feeling she keeps liking him til today, is just him for some reason has never taken that to the next level.

I think is disappointing and disrespectful from him to go see a girl who he knows talked bad about me in our early days and whom with he shared a romantic past even though they never dated. I need to do something with this relationship, we've been together for 8 years and he's never proposing and never talking about the future, he's been my only boyfriend ever, I feel like time is passing and I don't if this man is wasting my time even though I love him deeply. And now this awkward lunch thing. Please help me.

[dynamicyandere]

You’ve been together for 8 years and never talked about your future together? That’s pretty suspicious to me. He should know you well enough to have an idea of where he wants the relationship to go. If you want to stay, that’s a very important conversation to have.


Has he ever invited you to join them? If she’s really just a friend, then it shouldn’t be any problem. If I was meeting up with a female friend, I’d definitely let my girlfriend know beforehand. In fact, I’d rather bring my girlfriend with me so I can introduce them to each other.


It’s best not to jump to conclusions or make accusations as that may make him emotionally wall-up. But, it’s important to have some deep and serious conversations about where the relationship is going and whether he feels fulfilled in the relationship. You can communicate with him about your worries, seriously, but gently. See if he gives your reassurance and sincerity or if he feels very uncomfortable or gets angry.


After doing your best to assess everything. At the end of the day, trust your gut.

[dynamicyandere]

see if he gives you*

[Lucpol]

Something very similar happened a couple of years ago with another woman that he knew from college and it got to a point in which I had to ask him to stop her invitations to go for lunch together, he got extremely angry and went cold and tough for many days that time until he realized what he was doing was wrong because some of our friends told him it was actually wrong. I am a very loving, understanding and loyal partner, and I know if I tell him my worries about the current situation he will get mad and angry. I know him well. Yesterday I let him know that I believe this current lunch woman still has a sentimental interest in him (they liked each other when they were in college but didn't date, although they had a very close friendship then, but were attracted to each other as told by himself to me) and he did not get angry but I know if I prohibit him to go, he will hate me. I have been a great girlfriend, I don't know what else he wants from me, I had never dated any guy before him, never kissed any guy before him, I am so good to him. Honestly. And what hurts me the most about him seeing this woman on Saturday is that he knows she talked bad about me when him and I started dating (without any reason since she didn't know me and had no material to talk any bad thing about me).

[dynamicyandere]

It would be good to let him know how it hurts you. He sounds like he’s the kind of guy that likes to call the shots. Which isn’t bad in and of itself, but he needs to show you that your feelings matter to him, that your love matters to him, and that he cares. At the very least, he needs to give you some honest reassurance.

Do you know what she said about you? Does he know that you know? Did he defend you at all? How did she say it?

You may not know all the answers to all those questions but they’re things to think about.

If you can all meet up, that would be a good chance to really try to feel the energy between them. His energy towards her versus his energy towards you. Her energy towards him versus her energy towards you, etc. You would be able to pick up on so much. And then again, trust your gut.

[Jim___Blakes]

That's not at all acceptable. Keeping contact with ex is useless and would effect negatively in current relationship.

Ask him how he would feel if you and your ex have lunch togather.

[Lucpol]

Thank you. Although they never dated, they just liked each other in college and had a platonic relationship within a close friendship, but didn't dated. However, she seems to still like him and I'm sure he is a little attracted to her too. So, I'm basically an idiot standing between them and wasted 8 years of my life in love with him and treating him like a king.

[Jim___Blakes]

But talk to him and hear what his explanation is.

May they're just friends and it depends on your acceptance level. I can't tolerate any ex shits.

My girlfriend rarely post ig stories. Once, she posted her pic which is visible to only 5 people and one was her ex. Even I was not in the list. I got really mad and shouted at her as to end the relationship. But she cried a lot and apologized. :|

[Lucpol]

I don't accept ex shit either. I don't think any ex or any romantic past person (either they dated or not) should be invited to my partner's current life, specially if that person talked trash about me without reason (please read my question's description so you see what I'm talking about) and this woman I'm talking about has a "fame" of getting involved with men at work to get promotions and had a college scandal cause she used to be involved with a teacher. (I'm telling you this so you can kind of picture what type of person we're talking about). My boyfriend texted her drunk last week asking her to for lunch because she tagged him in a Facebook ad of an ice cream place suggesting him to see each other. They both invited a foolish girl dumb friend of the other woman who is completely servile to her (which in my opinion they invited her in so they don't look too obvious by going alone them two) and I was not invited to such lunch. I talked to my father about this cause he's told me many tlmes this man doesn't really love me, and he (my father) told me a man who loves his 8 year relationship would at leats include his girlfriend into the lunch thing due to a past romanticly involved woman being there that day. I honestly don't know how to proceed now, should I behave cold and distant? I have been a great girlfriend and I have been loyal and loving with him all the time. He's been my only boyfriend, he gave me my first kiss, I have been extremely good with him. I don't deserve this.

[Jim___Blakes]

Behave distant and let him know that you're against it. Tell him you're giving your 100% in this relationship and if this happens again, you won't hesitate to end.

[Lucpol]

I will. I'm tired of this. This is not the 1st time something like this happens, I feel like a fool to him, my dad is a 65 year old man and he told me my boyfriend only sees me as mere company, but not as a woman, and it really hurts cause I love my boyfriend and I have been nothing but loyal and loving to him. The funny thing is that if I want to have coffee or something with my guy friends (he knows them very well from a long time ago and knows I've never liked any of them or vice-versa) he gets angry, I honestly will do what you're advicing. Thank you.

[Jim___Blakes]

I can understand you. Talk to him and give him a last chance. Life is short. Stop sweating.

[Anonymous]

Not ok in the slightest. Tell him clearly that you want a stop to this. If he reacts badly he might be hiding something …

[Lucpol]

Thank you, I thought I was crazy and I didn't prohibit the luch thing to him because I wanted to be the "good" girlfriend, but now seeing your answers I can see I'm not alone and that I'm right. The thing is that, something very similar happened with another girl before and it got to a point in which I had to ask him to stop accept her lunch invitations and he got extremely angry and upset with me and became extremely cold and tough with me for days, it took many months to him to realize what he did was wrong once his guy friends told him it was actually wrong. He's very hurting when he gets angry and I know if I ask him not to go he will fight over it and make me look like a crazy toxic partner which I am absolutely Not. 😢 I am very loving and understanding.

[Opinion Owner]

Girl, you should honestly be thinking about breaking up with him

[Anonymous]

That's definitely not cool.

[Lucpol]

Thank you, I feel bad and disrespected. I've been a very great girlfriend, I don't deserve that kind of things. I've never done anything like that to him.

[Opinion Owner]

Honor the way you feel.