We are exclusive, having sex and dating, but he says he is not ready for a relationship yet, nor is in a hurry to be in one. What is happening?

Question

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

You weren't dating with "intention" - meaning you never made being in a committed relationship an up-front requirement. Thus, you knowingly entered into a casual sex relationship HOPING that it would "evolve" into a committed relationship - but that's not how things work.

That would be like if you went to a restaurant every night and were served a free dinner of your choice, because the restaurant was hoping that you'd eventually decide to pay for the dinners. What would be your motivation for starting to pay if they're going to continue to bring you free meals as long as you keep accepting them?

in my opinion, if you are an adult and you want to have casual sex, you have every right to do that, but you shouldn't be so naïve to assume that a casual sex relationship is going to become a committed one; most do not. The reason HE wanted a casual sex relationship is because he didn't want a commitment. If you WANT a committed relationship, then you need to make that an up-front requirement, and you need to be prepared to pass on any guy who doesn't agree to that from the start - EVEN the hot guys that you REALLY like.

It's no different from anything else in life: if you want something, you have to find out what it takes to get what you want, and then you have to pursue the goal of meeting the various requirements to achieve it. It's true for a diploma, it's true for a job, and it's true for a relationship. If you went to college to become an engineer, but you spent 4 years taking theater and psychology and modern dance classes, but no math, chemistry, or materials science, would you expect to end up with a degree in engineering? Because if you did, you'd be VERY disappointed, especially considering all the money you spent in the process. If you want an engineering degree, there is a series of things you MUST achieve, and that list isn't negotiable - missing even a single requirement means no degree.

That's how serious relationships are - they take knowledge and planning and effort, a lot of it up-front. If you fail to do that work and do it well, then by default, you fall into a simple casual sex relationship. Those are super easy to get into, but much like a finger-painting degree, they won't take you anywhere in life.

It's too late with this guy - he likely wouldn't have agreed to a relationship in the first place, but even if there was a chance he would have them, he's certainly not going to now. So if that's not what you want, then end it with him, and the NEXT guy you consider having a relationship with, you need to make your goals and requirements crystal clear from the beginning. And, yes, you have to be prepared for that guy to walk away - and maybe he will. But, maybe he'll agree and then you can establish the kind of relationship you really want.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Here’s the thing , No relationship will work when 2 people can’t remove selfishness for each other , You are wasting your time being with this guy if he can’t give you a hundred percent , He is only thinking of himself , You need to stop spreading your legs for him and put your foot down , if he doesn’t want to be committed to you then you need to walk away and realize you deserve better than that , Now listen to me now and drill this in your head , If he does commit to you and wants only you , that means you can not turn around and be selfish to him when things don’t go your way , That’s the problem with most relationships, You can tell someone to do something for you to get your way but if you can’t do the same for them it will not work , Most girls are selfish I hate to say but it’s true , You latch on to a guy and the second you get his heart and he commits to you , you turn around and pull the same shit on him after you get bored and feel you deserve better , Most girls do not know how to remove selfishness bottom line , Remove selfishness

its_amelia_c · Accepted Answer

He is not committed to you!

So he gets all the perks of say, being in a relationship but without having to be in a relationship!! He doesn’t have to have the $hit parts of it!

Why… cause he’s not that into you? Cause he’s not afraid to lose you?

You are letting him have this. You are accepting of it. You have gone along with this for 12 months, so he see’s no reason to change things. Because you are not asking for it, expecting it, making it happen.

If what you want is a committed relationship, then say this. And if he says that he doesn’t want that, isn’t ready for that then, it’s your turn to put your foot down and say if you are not ready after 12 months of being with me then it’s obviously not going to work out etc.

You need to walk away. It will either show you that he wants you or he doesn’t. Then you can find someone who does. Better than wasting your time with a guy that dies t share the same values as you!!!

Daniela1982 · Accepted Answer

Geeze Louise. Why is every other woman on G@G falling for this bullshit. You all can't be that dumb, yet the same questions keep coming up every day. When a guy is getting sex and other benefits, without a full get-married -type relationship, he is getting what he wants. No real committal, sex whenever he wants it, and no strings attached. He can call it quits anytime and there isn't much a woman can do about it. I always think when I read these - he is just waiting for a better offer and then it is bye bye. Why can't any of you see this? ALONG SIDE THE HEAD!

MzAsh · Answer

Exclusive, having sex, dating. Sounds pretty much like a relationship to me. A newer one at least. What is he trying to hide or avoid here, that’s the question?

TonyV · Answer

So you guys aren't boyfriend girlfriend yet but you fucked him? Why would you do that?

What's happe ing is you are projecting your wants on to him and you aren't listening to what he is flat out telling you, he likes sex but dosent want a real relationship, it's not rocket science.

YOU think sex means he wants to marry you, YOU see this as some kind of mixed signal even tho he's being pretty clear about what he's doing, he's getting commitment free sex, no strings attached. And now you think you can attach strings after the fact, it don't work that way sorry.

Why would he give you more if you have nothing else to give him? You shouldn't have given it all up if you wanted more, you've got nothing else to trade now.

ohshee · Answer

What is happening is he showing you his true colors he's manipulating you he is making it all about him and he wants you to go along with it so the next time he wants sex you can either say yes are you can say well that's an awful big step I don't think I can do that since we're not in a relationship no he wants his cake and wants to eat it too and I'll tell you what it's just going to get worse from here you showing you exactly who he is you need to make a choice on if you're going to allow it or if you're not going to allow it and walk away I would

virtue2332 · Answer

More context is needed because he could be saying that because he is out and about doing his thing and if you caught him on it could be like yeah but I told you I didn't want to settle down. He also could have had issues where in his past relationships he was with someone that was controlling or jealous and made his life difficult so if that is what he thinks relationships are about then can you blame him. Besides he has what he wants right now sex dating why complicate it with titles right?

Anonymous · Answer

This is what he is thinking:

She is great. I need emotional connection and sex but I am not willing to deceiver her in order to get those things. If I date her, I would be cross a moral line. She's great but I don't see a future with her but I don't wanna lose her because she is all I have. I truly respect and adore her but there is just 1 or 2 things missing.

(That is what he is thinking)

Ask him this: Do you truly understand the emotional hurt you're causing me on a consistent basis?

The truth: He doesn't.

My advice: Leave him and just be friends with him at most.
Hopefully you read my comment.

lightbulb27 · Answer

he's afraid of what's next... pain, risk, tied down, kids. he just wants the pleasure and good times to feel good. he's not grown up or mature male.

you'll have to dig through his childhood to find the emotional wreckage of relationships he's witnessed to encourage him out of that fear. Fear is strong. Push him, and he shuts down. Cut him off and he moves on.

you're in a tough spot in the game of relationship chess. you aren't in checkmate yet, your move... Honesty sometimes work, combined with listening and patience.

Anonymous · Answer

If you're having sex, sounds like you're a fwbs for him. And I'm guessing you've started to develop feelings? Better have a talk with him and make sure you're on the same page? Might be time to move on for you unfortunately? Doesn't sound like he wants anything serious, and after a year, I wouldn't waste your time "waiting" to see if it's not already happening for him.

MissEm96 · Answer

Girl you obviously want a relationship so why are you wasting time on this dude. You need someone who will be there for you. I know it’s hard. I’ve been in this situation myself and it didn’t end well. I dumped him only for him to realise he suddenly wanted a relationship but he didn’t actually. He just put the label on it and then carried on using me. But I was happy at the time because I was young and dumb. But in the end I got fed up and you will too. Trust me, if the right girl came along, he would find he was ready for a relationship. You are not that girl and I know it hurts but you are missing out on your blessing right now. Three years after I got rid of that idiot I’m happily engaged to the love of my life. It was absolutely heart breaking getting over the other guy but I made it and so can you. Let me know if you want any advice x

hypojoe · Answer

For me when i met my girl I knew right away I wanted a long term relationship because i was in love we did not talk finance or anything like that because when we were together nothing else mattered we were living together within months its gonna be diffrent for other people but when you have what you want you hang onto it so i would question what the relationship that you have with him really is then

juniorJack · Answer

Your a steppingstone, friend with benefits, a quick sexual fix, a safe haven if his new love isn’t what he requires, get rid move on to someone who you can build trust and a loving caring relationship with..
sorry I know that’s very blunt and I honestly hope you find someone who loves you for you.. x

Subarugirl · Answer

It means he wants the benefits of being in a relationship with out the commitment and effort it takes to be in one.

Anonymous · Answer

Lack of commitment. He's content with everything he's getting right now but has freed himself of any expectations. When you get upset down the road that things haven't progressed, he has an out - "well, I told you I wasn't ready for a relationship". I don't mess with that crap. Only a recipe for heartache. Either you matter enough for him to commit or you don't. It's really as simple as that.

SunnyCaliGirl · Answer

I pretty much just sounds like he's keeping you around for sex, as exclusively dating means you're both in a committed romantic relationship and you wouldn't have to be wondering

If he's making you question where the relationship is going or not going, he needs to be dumped and you're better off finding someone better

Mangospacho · Answer

Regardless, he’s in a relationship with you. If you want to call it quits, you’re well within your right to do so. What you can’t do is sit around and complain that you’ve given him sex and he doesn’t give you legitimacy regarding the relationship. Pick yourself back up, find someone better, and move on with your life.

Anonymous · Answer

If you want a relationship you don’t go and give him ALL OF YOU. Outside of a relationship.
You give him bits and pieces, but not the whole cake.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Q_ec7ZjiWTM

I suggest you watch MELANIE KING , she is blowing up, cause she speaks truth.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

Sounds like he's not emotionally invested

To him you're probably just a f*** toy or he's debating on whether or not he can have chances with someone who's better or maybe he already knows he has chances but he doesn't know if they're better or not yet

He's either got options or wants other options or he's just not interested in you as a person and just likes your body

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

He is a manhoe who propably use you for sex. It is obvious thst he does not want to commit as other users said. Tell him how he feels when other men would do that to his sister- if he avoid this question, he is a confirmed fboy/hoe. Who knows how many stds he has. Can some male gagers explain to me wtf free pussy is? So women should expect from their partner/husband to pay her for her pussy? Is that not what gold diggers do? Lol

Elony · Answer

You should live him, you only are used as his side job (side blowjob, handjob) and free pussy without needing to damage his wealth like gold diggers somewhere else, and you are made by him as his side chick where he only wants to spread his gene, sperm (donation) but freely so he can still sleep around after doing it with you so many times until it reaches his level of boredom with you, becareful, we care for you 🙂🙂

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

He's afraid of commitment and isn't mature enough to be in a relationship.

If you want a relationship, dump this guy. He's not ready for you. He needs to go fuck around a bunch more and he's too afraid to lose his current fuck (you) to openly pursue others.

Let him go. You deserve someone more certain in what they want.

LemonsAsks · Answer

i feel the title of "relationship" is over sold. i feel you should be able to exist with one another and love each other without the superficial values such as a title. it also bring expectations.
also if things are good and he isn't seeing anyone else. why ruin a good thing?

NZGirl07 · Answer

I think that despite his intentions you obviously want a relationship and you deserve that. Tell him that you need to be in a relationship to be satisfied right now otherwise it is over. If he won't commit he is not worth it. I also think he would likely not believe you guys are dating since it is not a relationship, and I wouldn't trust that he thinks it is exclusive then.

Kaamraj · Answer

You are in the female version of the Friendzone. What he's doing is leveraging his power and interest. Men typically want sex and women relationships. If the man is getting all the sex without the obligation of a relationship, then it is a win lose interaction.

PhenomenalQueen · Answer

Leave!!! Been there and done that.. You’re committed and he’s not.. he’s still seeing other women and telling them the exact same thing. (That how it was in my experience)

Waldoe · Answer

you are just a "booty call" If that's ok with you, then enjoy yourself... otherwise Demand better, date a better Man.

iamjustaman · Answer

Here is a news flash for him. You and him are already in a relationship. If he doesn't realize that by now than he wants to be free to leave you if something he likes more comes along.

Its like You are giving the child his desert before he has eaten dinner and showing his appreciation for your efforts. Put the cookies back in the jar if you want a real man who knows what a relationship is.

Dargil · Answer

He is content with what he is getting. He is settled in. What do you want?

Paul09 · Answer

Do you want a serious relationship? Don't have sex early on. Or you'll just be used for that, sex! Seems like that is all he cares about. Man these lucky dudes finding women that don't deserve them, blows my mind

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

What is happening is rather simple.  If you want a relationship and he doesn't, then you have to re-evaluate what it is you DO have with this guy!

Sincerly_KittyCat · Answer

He just doesn't see you as the one i. e he doesn't like you. Dont waste your time if you're looking for a serious relationship, leave him now its not worth your youth, sanity and time.

TruthBringer · Answer

This is what happens when you don't make a relationship a requirement for sex. A big mistake so many women make is hoping sex buys them commitment.

Anonymous · Answer

You, like most women have weak boundaries and this gives someone else an opportunity to enforce their own ones that only serve their own needs. When you are sure of yourself, self worth and who you are, you set strict boundaries and enforce them. Without the sex, you do not know what it is you have to offer hence your boundaries were weak in that area allowing him, the gatekeeper' of relationships to block you because you failed to correctly do your duty...'gatekeepers' of sex.

dustybiker · Answer

Do you want to be with someone who might be wasting your time?

BraveRiver · Answer

One of you is purposefully exclusive, while the other is open to opportunities… though they don’t come along. I’d bet when he talks about “being exclusive” you say the words and he says he hasn’t slept with anyone else…

Men aren’t complicated, women just like to hear what they want to hear & be the one to settle us down.

spartan55 · Answer

How can you be exclusive but not in a relationship? That makes no sense. I think YOU believe it is exclusive and he does not.

SkyCastle90 · Answer

You're in the relationship, and he's not. Take it how he said it and leave.

Gloree · Answer

You're stupid for opening your legs cheaply for him when there's no commitment. Learn your lesson and walk away. Maybe when he sees you have sense, he may come back.

Emilyis · Answer

He is playing Friends with benefits. If you aren't, get rid of him.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

He is being honest, however he is being honest about using you for sex. if you want more, then you need to leave and look for someone for a relationship.

GMANN56 · Answer

He is looking to "better deal" you. He is with you only until a better deal comes along. Don't get too attached.

Tonedosprey541 · Answer

Short answer. It's fucked up but true. He keeps you around for the sex and that's it. Wants nothing more. A guy usually knows if he wants a future with you from knowing you about 1 to 4 months in.

Moose304 · Answer

Sounds like you are in a relationship and he is not. Careful, you may be involved with Chad or Tyrone. These guys are notorious for pumping and dumping.

xJayleenx · Answer

Girl just forget him he doesn’t even know how he feels about you you deserve better than a flaky boyfriend

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Makes sense. I mean really... what is the benefit to him getting locked down? I'm not saying that means cheating or some BS like that... it's just, what would get better?

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Talk to him about what you want. One year is long enough to decide if he wants you to be his girlfriend/long term … future wife.  So that you know. communication is key.

DARKCLOUD1945X · Answer

It is called free pussy as soon as he finds someone, he likes more than you a new pussy to play with you gone because there are no strings attached. I hope you have not given him money or loaned him money because you can say bye bye to it all.

one1wild00 · Answer

Sounds like you two are in a full blown relationship, But the title scares him a little. Doesn't make sense to me.

kinggeorge007 · Answer

From a positive and healthy stand point, he may be confused about himself and still figuring out himself. Or even he might have some obligations to fulfill before entering a new phase.

Toldol2 · Answer

So what are you then If not in a relationship? How does He deal with engagment in his Life in general?

Anonymous · Answer

He is an asshole. You have advantage of not ‘’dating’’ an asshole. But you have disadvantage of fucking him. You can find many guys who can both date and fuck you at the same time. Why are you being with an asshole?

Squaresquirrel · Answer

If you are like that, he is in a relationship whether he wants it or not. Not putting a label on it, doesn't make it invalid

RSav4013 · Answer

Sounds like he's just having some fun until someone that he really wants to be with comes along.

Fromdusktilldawn · Answer

Many men are scared off by commitment, love doesn't matter, some guys just prefer their freedom. A relationship means: less privacy, possibility of control, rules, (monogamy), compromises, sharing/giving money

mobiusforniner · Answer

I stopped reading when you said "he lives with his parents"...

amyisme · Answer

At least he's honest now you have to decide if you need more or can live with it the way it is now just be honest with yourself

CubsterShura · Answer

Leave him sis, he's probably just using you as a placeholder.

gabby100 · Answer

I can see his point of view. You going steady, marriage and children are big things. Money wise and emotional , they need to be and feel right. Taking your time is the best thing to do..

nawtee_me · Answer

He has got what he wants, sex without commitments friends with benefits

Nine0wl · Answer

Wants options and or doesn't want to be tied down. Or he's too busy with other things going on. It's really hard to find a woman that's truly relaxed and easy going.. Especially when things get serious.

Anonymous · Answer

You’re already giving him everything he wants, why would he close up his future options? If he decides tomorrow “that girl I always see at the gym is hot, I’ll go ask her out”, then he can use the excuse when you get mad at him for “cheating” on you

Brittanyroseee · Answer

Hard to say honestly… im in a similar situation too

We are exclusive, having sex and dating, but he says he is not ready for a relationship yet, nor is in a hurry to be in one. What is happening?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We are dating and having sex, but he says he is not ready for a relationship. Is he ising me?

We are exclusive, having sex and dating, but he says he is not ready for a relationship yet, nor is in a hurry to be in one. What is happening?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We are dating and having sex, but he says he is not ready for a relationship. Is he ising me?

We're glad to see you liked this post.