Why is using ''old age'' a common method manipulative men use to make you stay?

[Vesuvius87]

I was 34 when I finally broke up with my toxic, money hungry ex boyfriend. Ever since I've found someone and now it's been 5 months.

I've read other stories of men that tried to make the woman stay by throwing the ''but you're 30+ now, you'll never find better, you just hit the wall'' old age card.

Lets say in the worst case scenario where I didn't find anyone else after dumping him; well at least I got my mental wellbeing, dignity and self-respect back. Like those men in the stories, my ex boyfriend threw me the ''You finding someone else, someone better, LMAO (he was laughing so hard), you're now 34. I''ll give it a year. LOL, LOL''.

Updates

+1 y

I don't mean to brag but this is a coincidence:
After dumping him, I've gotten hit on by other men and I met my current boyfriend right in my Judo classes. I've been looking much younger than before. A couple people think I'm still in my 20's.

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Because it’s little dick energy. My current girlfriend is older than me but if she wanted to leave me? She would clean up in the dating market regardless of her age. The past 3 years I’ve been interested in dating older because with age you have wisdom, experience and not shit ton of drama.


Guys or people do that to project an attempt of dominance over someone which is unhealthy way to approach life or people in it. I believe the mindset you have determines your future soooo he’s going to hit you with that “you up?” Text at 1 in the morning hoping to get your attention while you’re in bed with your awesome new guy

[Anonymous]

Every woman I’ve ever known got over a break up very quickly. They dropped 20 lbs at the drop of a dime and suddenly started dressing better and fixing their hair and they have a new boyfriend before you know it. It’s very easy for a woman to find a new man. Very easy. And it doesn’t matter that she is 34.

[Vesuvius87]

Well he was really a real life narcissistic-sociopath who even our whole initial friendship, relationship and even a future. There is nothing to miss about a horrible person.

[annabananna]

He is insecure and is throwing whatever out there to make you stay. It’s kinda weird because why he would want a girl to be with him because she thinks she can’t get better since she is old is beyond me. Also, I’ve noticed that they guys that say you won’t get any better are the ones that always has the girl get someone better

[Vesuvius87]

Come to think about it, that statement makes sense. Why would any man want to be with a woman that's only settling for him because of her age? Anyone with self-respect and security wouldn't want that, not even if it meant being alone.

[Anonymous]

I've had that happen to me with my ex boyfriend. A year-ish latter I met my husband (who, interestingly enough, is a lot younger than me yet still very attracted to me)

[jasco]

More than likely its due people saying your over 30 and can't find a husband. Its your fault. which may be true for some cases and for others like yourself it isn't

[Vesuvius87]

It might be more difficult but not impossible. One of my female cousin got married several years ago at the age of 39. She could never have kids (not even in her younger years) so they adopted a child. A couple women in the family didn't get married that young.

[jasco]

Congratulations to her

[Anonymous]

I'll never date a woman over 25. So maybe

Your dating range will now be 55 men maybe 50.

Or some simp man.

Sounds like you were dating a hobo -sexual for years because he was attractive. And you like the crazy back and forth

[Vesuvius87]

The thing no in my family nor friends ever found him attractive. I admit that nope, he wasn't that attractive either. In the end, he really had nothing good (no car, no wealth, no 8/10 in looks, no nothing) at all. I just fell for the fact that he told me he never hit a woman ever and never would. He never hit me and I thought that was the most important quality in a man... ignoring the fact that is just the bare minimum. He still was rotten in other ways (just as bad or worst), just not the hitting part.

[Vesuvius87]

**The thing no one in my family nor friends ever found him attractive.
Oh and I forgot to mention.. nope he wasn't even tall either. Ok, that was silly of me; getting involved with someone that had nothing good except never hitting a woman and tellling me he wanted kids.

[bamesjond0069]

You will always get hit on sheesh. Good luck finding a commitment. Even a total hottie is going to struggle to get marriage for example or similar commitments from top notch men.

[Vesuvius87]

Well it doesn't have to be a top notch man but a serious family oriented man, not into parties. Things are going good with my current boyfriend. Neither of us are wealthy but we have several things in common. There is no lovebombing (''oh you're my soulmate, you're the life of my live'' BS) and we haven't had sex yet. We're taking things a normal, regular pace. Sounds right to me.

[bamesjond0069]

Just seems you're fast to claim success when you didn't even have sex yet. Good luck.

[Vesuvius87]

It was an agreement we both made about waiting till marriage, that during our relationship I would never feel that pressure to have sex with him.

[bamesjond0069]

From a male perspective thats so many red flags it shoots your point in the foot. Id literally bet money he has serious issues or that something unusual is going on behind the scenes. No normal man would behave that way. So something is not normal and at some point you will find it out. I wish you the best but like i said id bet money against it.

[Vesuvius87]

You do know that from a woman's perspective, having sex many times in the relationship doesn't guarantee commitment (esp marriage) either don't you? Just like moving in together doesn't guarantee that. If commitment (marriage and kids) doesn't happen in a sexual relationship or if the woman moves in together... if she's just another forever girlfriend... she's losing; getting nothing out of that.

[Vesuvius87]

I know it's easy getting hit on... yes big deal. Just like it's easy finding a man wanting sex (whether casual sex, friends with benefit or in a relationship)... it's still the same result: just having sex without a commitment and it doesn't progress to marriage, which is my main goal at this moment.

[Vesuvius87]

My father actually said something different than your ''Just seems you're fast to claim success when you didn't even have sex yet''.
He said along the lines of ''While there is no ring yet, there is nothing to celebrate. Don't waste too much time being in the dating stage''.

[bamesjond0069]

From his perspective he wants to see you taken care of regardless if the man isn't your cup of tea. At this point thats probably the best he can hope for. You got to use common sense here though. What kind of man is going to wait for sex until marriage with someone who has the baggage of premarital sex and at a much older age? Would he do this if he had tons of options of every kind of woman out there? Younger older hotter thicker thinner this that etc. You really think you're like the obvious choice out of 100 women you're like the top one men dream out and wish for? And ok thats fine, you dont have to be perfect. Most men aren't perfect and therefore done expect perfect. However, if you dont know whats the stuff wrong with man, there HAS to be something thats not desirable about him or why wouldn't he choose someone younger hotter fucks him etc? Why you? I mean its just common sense.

[Vesuvius87]

I think our ages are ok. I'm now 35 (my b-day was on April 7) and he's 42. I don't know too much about his relationship past other than he hasn't been in a relationship nor dates for 7 years. He doesn't ask too much about your past relationship nor details. He just wants to focus on the present.

[Vesuvius87]

He's an Aikido instructor, Arts professor, comic book writer, and Judo student (the martial arts I'm current in). I think it's likely he just couldn't find a woman interested in martial arts nor in his conversations about arts and paintings. Otherwise, I don't think of anything else. He seems ok to me. It's good to feel a man that doesn't make his move for sex in the relationship nor pressures me.

[bamesjond0069]

I mean he seems like he should be able to get a woman easy enough. And i guarantee talking about art is not the reason he's single for 7 years. Thats crazy long. I guarantee there is something more than meets the eye. It could be an anger issue once in a blue he goes crazy off the handle. It could be sexual, maybe he has a very strange fetish or performance issues, it could be bad history cheating or something. Im sorry to say but no normal decently attractive man just goes without for 7 years without a reason. Ofc there are exceptions but id put him on the spot and grill him before you get in any deeper.

[HeartFullOfGlue]

34 isn't even that old

[Vesuvius87]

It's not. Actually it's how you feel about yourself mentally. I feel young and happy now.