7 Years Dating, Should I Do Something More To Become a Fiancee?

Question

We met in college back in 2011 both graduated in 2013 we dated since 2015 His parents purchased a house for him in 2018 His dad got him into a really good paying factory job that he makes 90K a year He got a new car from his grandfather for a birthday I went further in education while he was working.

Icompleted 3 degrees and have a ton of school debt but secured a great job that pays (starting 70k/ year) I split my week as I'm in health care, 12 hr shifts. I work 3 days a week that i stay at home with my family as is 5 min drive to the medical centre i work at. the other 4 days i live with my boyfriend i do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, groceries any chance i can. We are equals, we both pay for bills, etc.

- My boyfriend told me he wants to marry me but first wanted to finish school and get his own house. He did in 2018.
- He then told me he wants to be financially stable enough to afford a ring, yet in the past 3 months he has dropped over 25K by purchasing new gaming computer, modifying it, custom case and cover, lights, the works. He dropped 300$ on a gaming keyboard, and nearly 150 on a gaming mouse. We both game, i get it. He wanted to treat himself which is fine.

I've tried to discuss marriage multiple times, as we have a great relationship and he says he wants to marry me one day, but we've been dating for 7 years, still just. His two reasons were originally a house and being financially stable. He knew i wanted to get engaged and married one day, as that is MY wants from a relationship. He assured me he does too. But here we are, year 7. And still nothing.

I am having insecurities because i constantly an stuck wondering why hasn't it happened yet? Why did he say those things if he didn't mean them? He got upset and became sad when i told him im disappointed we aren't engaged yet and that i feel like im not special enough to even be a fiancee to him. He knows my traditional views.

Do i need to do more as a girlfriend? Any ideas?

Kkstarzz96 · Accepted Answer

I don't know if this helps, but I'll tell it. so there's someone on YouTube who also dated someone for 7 years. she had everything and shared it with her boyfriend. that man had every financial reason to marry her because he didn't have any kind of career unless he goes to school and gets credentials like most of us, our name alone isn't making us thousands a month. but from what I heard, in the 5th year they were dating, she bought the ring, and he proposed. I never got the genuine feeling that he wanted to marry her because he felt pressured as dating someone for so many years and living in her home and she bought him a car and they went to Paris, they sang cover songs, he had some opportunities to make money from being with her, like dude are you not thankful? she wanted the dream, and that is the dream for us, we do life together with our boyfriends and he is so grateful he makes us his wife. we finally found the love of our lives and we will never feel not good enough ever again. but, on the 2nd year of them being engaged, the year they were supposed to wed, they split. and I think, as a young guy, he knew everything he had was too good to be true, but in the end, he was barely 18 when they dated and now he's like 20 something, and he's never been with anyone else in his young adulthood. he will have an insecurity in the back of his mind, that he married for stability, and not because he's done the work to prove his love for her, but again, he didn't have to, he was never going to one up her, unless it was something sentimental that can't be bought. you owe it to yourself to know that you're in the right place in your life to handle who you're inviting into it. just because you guys met and fell for each other way back in college etc. the whole young love thing, doesn't mean that this is the man who is going to take you into your 30s and beyond. we love to look at our history, how we met, where we are, to JUSTIFY EVERYTHING in our relationships. its such a bad habit to have where you no longer live in the present cause you're wrapped up in who he used to be and what he said before to where you could go if he becomes this and that. the truth is, he may be "sad" but you probably feel betrayed, and I understand, it makes sense. and everyone will always goes "it was that moment, if you hadn't done that, he would've done it by now" look, we can't analyze every single moment with our partners, we aren't justin and britney or selena and Justin, and even they were filmed from beginning to end, and we still don't know where it started to go bad. they are just as confused and only remember the aftermath, cause it amplifies the trauma and physically proves that this person did not have your best interest at heart the way someone should if they want to see you glow with joy and succeed in your personal efforts to find yourself and love who you're becoming. guys, are way too simple and will never understand, ever, what this all means to us and how it's not like we were born thinking that, we were taught to anticipate our happy endings. but what you have, and every other girl has, is a normal dude, not prince charming. and they're going to do stupid stuff like buy video games and dismiss our feelings, and you did nothing wrong, they are that way with every single woman. no matter how much money she has or how big her butt is, a guy grows comfortable and stays planted in his seat, not planning on changing the scene, just the channel on tv. you deserve so much more hun. I hope you find the courage to demand it or keep it moving. it's not fun but neither is being trapped for the sake of not being single. good luck to you dear

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My dad once told me that men want to be able to provide to women and be their support not only emotionally but also financially. If a man wants this woman beyond any material stuff, he will do the impossible to be with her and achieve whatever needed to provide to his woman. Now it sounds like your boyfriend has been given all things and so he has not really fight for them. I think he is very comfortable because he knows you’ve invested so much time in your relationship and you still there without setting boundaries or giving him an ultimatum. He needs that because he has been given most valuable things he has by his family. Honestly if he prefers to buy games and computers instead of your ring, girl then you’re not his priority because he knows he has you no matter what. But try having a sit down with him, tell him all things you’ve said here and give him the ultimatum because it must be f up that he is your priority but you’re not his. He can’t be playing with your time and best years like that. Ultimately remember you are feeling bad for someone you chose, you can always un-chose him. Remember if you show self love and self respect, everyone will see it and feel it. Good luck dear.

CaptainOverthink · Accepted Answer

You know him best.
But if I am to be presumptous..
It sound to me that he's had it easy in terms of growing up with wealth and then has slid into a job via his curling-parents. And then to note he's a gamer.

I'm not as wealthy but I did grow up lazy for having too nice parents and had a safety-net all my life coupled with gaming. All I am saying is I know some of the worse sides of growing up with that security. That is not to say I can't be wrong.
Gaming is designed to give you short-term dopamine-kicks for tasks accomplished in the game's simplified systems of behavior. Rarely do you need to actually put in hard, boring workhours to overcome challenges. Usually it's fun along the way. That's rarely how real life works..
That, coupled with his family giving him stuff speaks to me that he might not know what he has in you and might not know what it's like to commit to a real mission.

Does he ever commit to working hard at anything long-term? I'm saying maybe he's not having cold feet but he's afraid of making it a real commitment. That step into the unknown could run him scared.
Question is what to do about it..

If my bias against him is correct then I'm not sure he would react so well to withdrawing things from him (like I read some others had advised), he might just think to look elsewhere for company. But then maybe he's not the most secure guy either, in that case it might work to set down your foot and say commit or else.

But like you say you're equal and all..
You could propose to him, right?
That would be a way to set the foot down as well. You've already talked to him about marriage. He needs to make a decision.
And he needs to know the wait is making you feel like maybe your time should be elsewhere.

Also if there is more to marriage that he hasn't mentioned then he need to tell you that. Consider signing a prenup, make the marriage about your personal symbolic commitment. Not about what the law says. Like you said, you have a good job as well, it's not like he's carrying you anyhow. It's not about the money.. It's about sealing the deal.

Good luck.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

So, you started dating when he was at his lowest value and right now he is probably just starting to get into his highest value or that is still to come.

If he is good looking and a good fun guy etc he basically has his pick and could replace you easily.

It is unlikely that you are going to find another unicorn guy who earns more than you etc so if you trade out now you might have to accept that you are going to be the breadwinner.

He isn't in a rush, you are, so you need an honest answer from this guy about whether or not marriage and kids etc is going to happen or not but it seems to me that if that was what he wanted that is what would be happening.

Maybe he is just scared? Having kids etc is scary and very few if anyone is really ready for it.

You are absolutely not equals by the way, Im not sure where you get this idea from, you both earn good money, but he owns a house and you quote 'do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, groceries any chance i can' and are asking 'Do i need to do more as a girlfriend?' you want to do more than you are already doing in order to justify a position or earn a position that you don't have.

Maybe you should get your own place or in some way start living your own life and see if gives a shit about involving himself in your life.

Right now he has everything he needs, why would he rock the boat for no reason?

It is so hard to know what to do, you obviously dont want to give up or lose a good thing if you have it but if nothing is going to come from this he will be completely fine and you will absolutely not be fine. So the burden is on you to figure it out.

You are the one who has to live with whatever the consequences of your choices are, either way, so you are the one who has to make them.

It seems to me that he is essentially a child, you have to force him to be a grown up or at least be honest that he isn't willing to be a grown up so that you can try to find someone who is.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

What you need to do is tell him that seven years is an extraordinrily long time to date without being engaged and the prevailing wisdom is that if it hasn't happened in 7 years, it is never going to happen. And that you will not be content with simply getting engaged and being his fiancee for another 7 years. Tell him that the possible solutions are for him to honor his promise (getengaged AND set a wedding dat within the next 9 months) or for you two to call it quits and for you to then start looking for someone else. Ask him which choice he wants you to make.

MzAsh · Answer

You need to do  less. A lot less.  He’s already getting benefits of having a wife for nothing. He sees no incentive because you’re already giving it all away.

Nawlins34 · Answer

Dump him.

I'm not going to be vague, let's dive into it.
I want you to read this next statement and commit it to memory.

When a man's ACTIONS and WORDS do not match, go by his ACTIONS. This will never fail you.

Now let's go back to your post.

"My boyfriend told me he wants to marry me but first wanted to finish school and get his own house." - WORDS

"He did in 2018." - He didn't propose, that's an ACTION.

"He then told me he wants to be financially stable enough to afford a ring," - WORDS

"yet in the past 3 months he has dropped over 25K by purchasing new gaming computer, modifying it, custom case and cover, lights, the works. He dropped 300$ on a gaming keyboard, and nearly 150 on a gaming mouse." - ACTIONS

"I've tried to discuss marriage multiple times, as we have a great relationship and he says he wants to marry me one day," - WORDS

"His two reasons were originally a house and being financially stable." - WORDS

"He assured me he does too" - WORDS

"But here we are, year 7. And still nothing." - ACTION

"I am having insecurities because I constantly an stuck wondering why hasn't it happened yet?" - because it doesn't have to, you've proved it. He has 7 YEARS of body work telling him if he just says something, that'll hold you in place. He doesn't have to.

"Why did he say those things if he didn't mean them?" - Because he knows you won't penalize him for it. (dump him)

"He got upset and became sad when i told him im disappointed we aren't engaged yet and that i feel like im not special enough to even be a fiancee to him." - He got upset because you're trying to hold him accountable!

You have to understand, guys are like pouring concrete, the quicker you address an issue, the easier it is to correct. This "concrete" was poured 7yrs ago... nah.

"He knows my traditional views." - Stop, He got you via non-traditional ways and you were complicit.

The warning signs were there:
"His parents purchased a house for him in 2018"
"His dad got him into a really good paying factory job that he makes 90K a year"
"He got a new car from his grandfather for a birthday"
"we've been dating for 7 years"

- He got all the above with little to no effort on his part.
What did he put the MOST effort in?

"He has dropped over 25K by purchasing new gaming computer, modifying it, custom case and cover, lights, the works. He dropped 300$ on a gaming keyboard, and nearly 150 on a gaming mouse. We both game, i get it. He wanted to treat himself which is fine."

I own an IT business down South - You don't buy $25k worth of PC equipment without coordination, forethought and planning. All of the aforementioned took EFFORT.

So he just demonstrated to you, if it's important to him, he'll get it done.
You're not important to him, that's why you're not married to him.

You're confused because he's holding you in place with his words; go by his actions because he's speaking quite clearly - you're not important.

Dump him. Don't marry him if he offers to after the fact, because that's the only reason he'd marry you and do you want a man who marries you because he LOVES you or do you want this?

I just needed you to see what you're dealing with. Be safe and good luck.

The right man would've had a ring on your finger in 2yrs TOPS.

Screenwriter · Answer

People say LOTS of things to keep a relationship going that benefits them. If he was truly interested in marrying you, it shouldn't have taken seven years to do so.

If someone is interested in marriage, they will marry and neither a house, nor a certain salary, or a ring will stand in the way. His excuses sound lame. He has a decent job. He was given a house and car. And he has a maid: You! He's dragging his feet for some other reason.

Personally, I'd move out and back in with your parents. Save that money. Why split expenses with a man who can't decide that he wants to be married to you. Tell him, when he finally decides, you can make plans to be man and wife and to live together. He's playing house and after seven years, who knows if he'll ever go further.

If it were me, I'd start looking elsewhere. You're wasting your time waiting on this guy. Most couples marry between 2 and 5 years. You could have a sitdown talk with him and ask what the problem is. If he says nothing, that's an answer. If it's another THING THAT I HAVE TO HAVE BEFORE I MARRY YOU, that's another put-off.

Get on Match and Bumble and some other sites and move back home. He's REAL comfortable as things are and sees no reason to commit further. It doesn't seem to matter that this isn't what YOU want. It's what HE wants and that's more important to him.

Move out and move on. He makes enough money to live in that house alone. He didn't pay anything for it, or his car. In fact, this seems to be the problem: He's gotten EVERYTHING for free and didn't have to work for it. You're just another "free" thing he's gotten. There's NOTHING else you can or need to do. But, you should take care of your feelings and stop letting time pass by. There's someone out there who will value you.

This guy isn't the person.

Seinna · Answer

He's wasting your time, unfortunately it happens more often than you think. He sees no incentive in getting married or getting married to you and is content just stringing you along with no regard for your time or feelings. I've been in that situation (albeit not 7 years) and I've seen it many times... there's nothing more you can do and the excuse will always be either something external or even you. My honest advice is that you leave him while you still can and have time to find a decent partner who will give you what you want. Even if you find a way to make him marry you, you won't be happy because he won't do it for the right reason. After all, you're giving him everything he wants, everything you have to give and he doesn't even respect you enough to be honest with you and let you move on with your life while he's waiting for someone better to come along. I'm sorry this has happened to you, in my opinion this situation is the biggest trap of dating for women and it doesn't even end at marriage. I personally know two women who married and were told by the guy that they want children only to avoid the topic later and string them along for many years until one finally divorced after 10 years of marriage and the other one is seriously considering it now...

Jabberjaw · Answer

My two gut reactions:

1. There's (potentially) behaviors he's seen from you that perhaps makes him weary of making that move forward with you and hasn't said anything about it/ or something else he is not telling you

And/or

2. Financial stability might mean something different to him than simply having enough funds to get a ring and having enough funds to get married.

Financial stability might mean he consistently makes a certain dollar figure and is comfortable to the degree that he has imagined for himself

Like a guy can make 50k a year and still get married if you really wanted to. A guy can make 50k a year and be stable enough to get by. But you're going to be limited on the type of Lifestyle you can live on 50K even if you're "stable" enough to marry.

You should probably spend some effort finding out what that means and looks like to him. For all you know you being out of school debt is part of it, because if he gets married to you your debt is now legally his debt too... is he okay with that?

Then all of a sudden his 90k a year paying job is nowhere near as stable as he thought because now he has to pay for your debt

If I had to guess, the amount of debt you have from school is part of the reason. He doesn't want the weight of that on him. Is that the main reason, or the only reason? I don't know, but it's possible

Go talk to your man about it

EyeKnowMeNahYou · Answer

I get it many of us will talk that everything is a matter of time and that you shouldn't be wasting your time and somehow you have to make a person commit or the things that an individual does makes another person commit. That's not the case when the person wants to commit the person will commit. There's also a saying if it's not broke don't fix it I know you may feel like okay well what do I do to get to whatever end goal which is to be married but then again it's being married the only end goal or it is just a goal because most of the people that wish to be a wife or a husband and you get there and you realize that just being a wife or husband is know that it takes. Matrimony marriage it is an eternal engagement so therefore when you do it you must be ready you must have all factors considered and know that this is something that you want to make permanent with the person. Too many people have done with society says that you might be ready for or should be ready for or whatever movie and TV series or suggestions from a single friend or maybe even a married one but then again, even married individuals will tell you the same thing be sure there's something that you both want but not only that do you want to be married and know what it entails versus just being married and falling in love with the ceremony or the fact that you are married it's so much deeper. But what definitely should happen is a conversation about marriage and beyond please think beyond just marriage alone or the fact that you just invested time and now you want something for time invested that you willingly gave

Moose304 · Answer

I recently was asked this same question by a young lady who is the daughter of a VERY good and close female friend. This lady is a medical doctor like her mom. In her case, she dated another physician during most of her residency and they are still dating. When asked this question I told both of them she needs to ask this guy where he sees their relationship going over the next few years. Carefully put him on the spot and watch how he reacts. See, I am a man that has clearly told ALL my friends with benefits that I will NEVER marry and if this is what you expect I will disappoint you. Some males are going to be as I am. If a female is in a relationship looking for it to lead to marriage she needs to make sure she is with a man that feels the same way. If he is not then you have a choice to make. Honestly, this is not hard to understand. It goes to communication. This communication subject is the one thing that to this day frustrates me to no end. If I may be a bit critical. Why are you asking this question here and not asking the man?

Anonymous · Answer

Assuming what he says is true, that marriage is something he eventually wants, everyone's time table is different. But how do you feel regarding how you are as a girlfriend? After 7 years, he knows you really well by now, so "changing" isn't going to be the real you at this point (it would be like him all of the sudden changing). And it's not a "you" issue most likely, it's his want or comfort with marriage in general probably. I suggest more talks with him. Don't put pressure on him as far as "right now" kind of thing (might start a fight and you don't want that or to get his defenses up), but about what he's thinking and time table. Maybe he feels marriage isn't "necessary" for a "happily ever after" life? (I know that's how I feel). In my opinion marriage doesn't "prove" anything, and I always kind of question why women want it SO BADLY (as in, a must?). Guys also tend to think logically, so for example if he knows you want to have a big wedding, he'll be thinking about the expense of it most likely. And with how badly guys fair in divorces and how many women take guys to the cleaners (not just in the divorce, but for the rest of his life - literally), guys are so happy about rushing to the alter (as in it's a HUGE risk to us). Of course, nobody plans on a divorce happening when you're thinking marriage, but to be realistic and look at the divorce rate, it's a very real possibility.

But bottom line, just more talks with him. Try to get a better idea where his head's and what he's thinking, and/or believes about marriage.

APrettyLittleLady87 · Answer

His father got him a job. His parents got him a house. His grandfather got him a car.

Sweetie. You've wasted 7 years of your life with a guy who doesn't know responsibility & never will. If not for his parents, father & grandfather specifically, he'd be nothing.

Instead of wasting any more of you life on a guy who, very likely, won't be a good husband or a father... find a real man. One that's actually achieved something with his life and will continue to try and achieve something with his life. Money isn't everything.

Not a child trapped in an adult's body.

AviatorTom · Answer

He's been spoiled all his life... father got him a job, grandfather got him a car, etc. and he always gets his own way. He does what's best for him, and there's no reason to marry you, he's got you for 7 years and counting...

If you really think you and he would make a great married couple, give him an ultimatum: Marry me or I'm leaving. That might shock him to understand what he really wants in life (you) or not. And follow through with your ultimatum if he doesn't.

You deserve someone who puts you first, and he's not doing that... at least not now.

Reaper1985 · Answer

could try offering him the option for getting a spiritual marriage that is non-legal. so your only married under the eyes of your religious beliefs and not under the eyes of the government. that way if you somehow breakup in the future your not legally bond to each other. but if he says no to that then he most likely has no plan to get married. however then if he someday decides to make it legal you can just go to the local court house or have another wedding/vow renewal.

aside from doing that however it sounds like he might have reasons why he rather not get married. so might want to bring it up with him and see where it goes from there.

possumpi26 · Answer

It's very clear why this guy won't marry you. You're living with him, when you don't stay with your family and already acting like his wife by cooking, cleaning, splitting the bills with him and supporting him his expensive gaming hobbies, he's got a pretty good deal with you and figures since you've put up with it for seven years he doesn't have to marry you. I know that it sounds harsh but this is how men think. If your behavior and things you accept from his behavior gives him the option of committing to in Holy matrimony or keeping his freedom, most often a man is going to choose his freedom AKA staying single but dating. Besides, he's already getting the best from you already, love, relationship, committent, sex, equal responsibility for bills, cohabitation etc.

Adaeva · Answer

Since you graduated from college 9 years ago, you are age 30 or 31. Compared to women in their early 20s, women in their 30s don't have good marriage prospects except to older, generally divorced men. If he was going to marry you, he would have married you when you were younger, prettier, and more desirable. The fact that he hasn't implies your prospects for marriage with him are slim to none.

Furthermore, why should he? You are living together, he is getting all he wants from you and from his perspective, there are no advantages to getting married. However, there are disadvantages because when he wants to replace you with a younger and in many ways a prettier and more desirable woman, marriage would be a big impediment. I suggest you accept things they way they are for as long as you can or else part ways and look for another guy.

Tinana · Answer

Talk to him seriously and tell him how much you love but remind him how much you value marriage and you decide if you’re willing to keep the relationship with no marriage involved. Or if you’d leave him you need to make up your mind. 7 years is a longggggg time. If we were financially set I don’t think I’d wait that long you must really love him. But remember sometimes you have to put you first. If he doesn’t see the value in marrying you maybe you should find someone else that values you enough to want to marry you

BigWhiteWolf87 · Answer

Why should he marry you?

You said yourself > the other 4 days i live with my boyfriend i do the cleaning, laundry, cooking, groceries any chance i can.

You're already bending over backwards for him & smiling while you do it. Absolutely no reason whatsoever to marry you. You'll keep doing all this on vacant promises until he finds a woman he WANTS to marry and then you'll be out the door. I say that because if he or his family did consider you marriage material you'd be married by now.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

It hasn't happened because he doesn't want it to happen. He seems to be content with the way things are. You do not seem to be.

I don't think there's something you can "do more as a girlfriend". Either he doesn't want to get married, or he doesn't want to get married to you. I'm sorry it seems your needs/desires don't seem to be matched up.

It also doesn't seem like he's being honest about his feelings, since they don't line up with his actions. It's pretty obvious he doesn't want to marry you, and is avoiding it but not being honest, just "putting it off" and "putting a pin in it".

I get some red flags from his family buying him a house, and from how much work you are doing. It seems he might be traditional too, in the sense of having his parents, and then his partner, take care of him.

Dargil · Answer

Your body clock is ticking. He seems to have everything he needs including high quality pussy. Here's the problem. His lack of willingness for a life commitment is a warning bell that you are replaceable, that you are just one "account" in his life. Tell him you have waited long enough and do not believe anything will change other than your getting older. Gently give him an ultimatum. You expect a ring and a date in 6 months or less and wedding bells in a year or less. Then, build your savings be prepared to call a suitable moving company.

Quigly · Answer

He graduated from college and needed his parents to buy a house for him and needed nepotism to get a decent job? Sounds like a loser.

You aren't doing anything wrong.

Religion teaches us balance. His parents are deliberately putting him in a position financially above you. In this position, he has no respect for you any longer.

You are someone that wasn't given everything in life and he is.. You are better than him You shouldn't be at his feet all the time and that's the type of relationship some people want. The proof is that you are asking what you did wrong and you didn't do anything wrong.

It's time to move on and have some respect for yourself.

ronaldo75 · Answer

Don't listen to MzAsh. You're already finished in this relationship and it's up to you if you want to keep either being a good girlfriend or breakup with him. 7 years is long enough to decide to marry you and let me let you in on a little secret - he's already decided not to marry you - holding back sex and housework will only make you less attractive than you already do.

So again, either you want the current situation to last longer or you leave him. Dont push or manipulate for marriage. You want a husband you had to manipulate and mindfuck in order to get a ring out of? No right? Right.

bush123 · Answer

Girl he don’t want u anymore get up and leave ur wasting ur time he’s leading u on he doesn’t want to marry u and also doesn’t want to lose u so he leads u on he’s useless honestly ur wasting ur time it takes a guy at least a year to know if he wants to marry u 7 years later making excuses girl u wasting ur life at this point u independent making money boss bitch if he genuinely loved u he would be paying all the bills babe the fact that u both take turns paying the bills is honestly disgusting if u ask me I don’t want to hear oh this and that take my word and leave him I’ve been in relationships like this and ik how it ends u ain’t going to get nowhere in life with a guy like that. If U still choose to be with him even after reading this then I feel bad 4 ya he will end up cheating on u.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

You're either going to have to give him an ultimatum and walk if he doesn't propose or just be content as girlfriend. You have to understand there is no reason for him to marry, all negatives and few positives. Some of which are from society ie alimony and divorce laws and others are from you ie didn't wait until marriage for sex or cohabitation etc.

So by now he just isn't going to want to. Or he is so desperate for you he will do it if thats what it takes. But fyi id bet he's more likely to let you walk than propose. And on top of that i think you will be more disappointed than he is about being single if that were to happen.

Id personally just ask for a compromise. Get a ring and skip the papers and the wedding, the two things he's im sure least excited about.

Anonymous · Answer

He’s got some other insecurities about getting married that are holding him back. I don’t think it’s about his “freedom” though. If he wanted to continue to “play the field” he would of broken up with you a long time ago.

You have been patient (very patient) so this isn’t fair to you. Maybe he’s comfortable where he is at. There are major risks and downsides for men who get married. Alimony usually goes only one way.

You need to give him a ultimatum on this. Give him time to think it over though. Tell him he can be brutally honest about what he fears most about marriage (e. g. getting burned in a divorce)

Tell him how you feel but also tell him he needs to think things through on where he’s going in life. You also need to be mentally prepared for the possibility of him saying he wants to move on.

You have a lot more patience than the only girl I ever thought of getting serious with by the way. I have never been this lucky lol.

Anonymous · Answer

If you want to marry him, the advice given here by @MzAsh is the worst possible advice you could take. And that is typical for her. It's ego and misandry driven and impractical in real life.

He is a high value man and the worst thing you can do is lower your won perceived value to him. What you need to do is get him to realize he has a good thing in you and that it isn't guaranteed that you will always stick around. Tell him you want to to get married and you want it to be him, but if he doesn't do it you'll find a man who will. But the last thing you should do is lower your value and play head games. That is always a turn off and very likely to have the opposite effect you want it to have.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s always a bad idea to move in with a boyfriend and have sex. You both are living together, having sex, and working. Only thing you are missing is kids and a ring. You are technically already married depending on the state. There is something called a Common Law Marriage where after a certain period of living together, you will technically be considered a married couple. Honestly this has more to do with modern dating and society. Marriage doesn’t hold the same impact as it did a long time ago. It’s just a contract that signs away half your belongings if divorce happens. That’s how men see it nowadays. Maybe you can sit down and talk to him about how you feel so strongly about it. Or maybe you could just ask him to marry you. He would most likely say yes. I don’t understand women wanting complete equality in the modern society yet still want traditional values like the man needing to be the one to propose.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

"Do I need to do more as a girlfriend?"

You're already cooking, cleaning, shopping for groceries, and doing his laundry. I assume you're probably having sex with him as well.

What more could he possibly want?
Why should he marry you if he's already getting everything he needs?

Anonymous · Answer

Why would he marry you if he gets all the benefits of marriage without any of the commitment? So how are you equals if you do all the cleaning at his place? He is not having you live there full time so you can't claim a common law marriage which you can do after 7 years living together. You are being played. I have heard this scenario before here on G@G. Seems like you aren't the only one to fall for this. You need to get together with the others to form a "Sucker Support " group.

Hairylegs222 · Answer

In my opinion it takes couples at least 1-3 years to get married I've noticed on average. That amount of time you can really know someone and decide that person is for them. 7 years dating and saying he'll marry you but still hasn't... Hmmm... I'd say maybe you should propose to him. If he declines or accepts than you have your answer. Nothing wrong with a woman proposing.

jammcm · Answer

Dang, I wish I had meet a live in maid. Saying that, my point is you are being taken advantage of. He may think and say he loves you, but I think he is just too comfortable with the current relationship. Now is the time to break it off. You will meet the right guy and have a family and put this all behind you. Good luck my friend.

Adivabbaby · Answer

Follow your heart and I’ve had guys talk about marrying me and then ended leaving me for anonther woman a month later.

you can manifest marriage if that’s what you really want I know you are marriage material and you can find someone who sees your value that way.
remember just because someone doesn’t see value in something doesn’t mean it’s not there.
some man would love to wife you up trust

midnightmoon05 · Answer

He is getting what he wants, you are not. What do you think is the next step? Wait? Feel sad… till he dumps you?…. Orr wait till your prime time is over at 35? 40?
a man who truly lives you will not want you to feel this way.

RuthlessAggression · Answer

Is he your first boyfriend/virginity. I feel like if he is, that's a bad sign but if not then I think maybe he's just scared of marriage and marriages failing as divorce is up to over 50%. I hope you two sign prenups by the way, if you two ever do tie the knot.

Caunsos · Answer

Did really spend 25,000 on a gaming pc? I mean what fuck did he do? Get the case covered in gold and diamonds? After 5k you are looked a dimension retruns, mean you won't see any noticeable performance gains. If you want to marry a man find someone else and treat the last 7 years as a learning experience. Find someone that want be your husband so much they pay rent and eat Ramen to do it.

Anonymous · Answer

Do you enjoy your life? Do you think after SEVEN years he's going to split and find someone new? Put your insecurity to one side. Marriage isn't a requirement no matter what Disney taught you.

Shamalien · Answer

As opposed to the passive aggressive BS some incredibly egotistical so called “dating coaches” will tell you, why not have a serious conversation about this matter with him? Ask him what he’s afraid of? The institution of marriage is very one sided these days, maybe he wants a life partner but not the government paperwork?

lofii · Answer

He'll probably marry you only if you sign a pre nup. If he thinks your after his fortune.

Other than that no you don't need to do anything more. He knows your expectations as you are a traditional woman.

Maybe he's planning a special wedding, who knows

At the end of the day it's your life. You decide your path

Lookingforthetruth · Answer

Women dates high value man, who comes from a well off family and is hesitant of getting married due to divorce stories. Women approaching 30's and wants to lock down her man who SMV/RMV is moving upward while her own is beginning to move down

jshm2 · Answer

You're only girlfriend material, not wifey material. Get the hint.

Leasing a car for three years you'd know whether it's worth holding it or handing in for a new model. Your idiot is extending the lease as he doesn't know how to know.

Anonymous · Answer

Red flag.
If he buys gaming equipment instead of a ring & you've been waiting 7 years, dump him.
He's just saying one day as an excuse for you to stop asking.
Even 5 years is too long.
You're now making excuses for him about him buying games as a treat.
That can go to your ring.
Find someone else, he'll just keep saying one day over and over

boldlyblu · Answer

communicate that is the key.   Find out why or why not this isn't happening. Maybe it's not you or anything you can do but it maybe able to be minimized.

Aerosport200 · Answer

Hmmm it's not you I believe you're kind and good woman for asking marriage. Maybe he have fears these days there's so much divorces and honestly if i was him I would be careful before sign marriage he has lot of cash and his life on spot. Try to talk again and make it clear that you want spend your life with him and want happy family and peace. Logically I think he's not into marriage at all but give it last shot if he said later and didn't put serious effort pull yourself

Flower7 · Answer

You’re already living with him, so he probably sees no reason to make things official.

DermalPunch · Answer

Seven years dating? I'm sorry honey. You did this to yourself. You need to be getting gone and staying gone if you want to really marry this guy.

Anonymous · Answer

it hasn't happened (and won't) because he's immature and acts like a child. i mean... the signs are there.

BeMuse · Answer

No one who spends $25K on a gaming computer will ever be financial stable.

D4nielv · Answer

In what world does a gaming computer take 25 grand to build?

serious_miss419 · Answer

People grow apart.  Marriage isn’t the answer tho. If you’re both happy and content, why make things more than they need to be?  Don’t change yourself to ajust someone elses liking of you.

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

never understood why women are so desperate to get married  what's so special about marriage I mean I get that women takes everything when the divorce paper are filed.

DiegoO · Answer

Why you want to married anyway? The global economy is going south and you both have debts to pay. Marriage will only make things worst.

Anonymous · Answer

My guess is, what you need to do is find a guy who's interested in getting married. It's not clear this dude is. Do you plan to have kids? Does he? That usually sharpens the mind around marriage.

Waldoe · Answer

you can tell him how you feel... "if this isn't going anywhere, I am going to move on, I want a family and a lifelong partner, I don't want to "play house"...

Jessicajones4 · Answer

No you’ve done enough and if he isn’t fulfilling what you need after 7 years maybe it’s time to move on so you can find someone who wants the same as you. Actions speak louder than words.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Only a foolish man gets married. Why do you need to have a marital gun to his head?

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Sounds like things are going fine as they are. No need to bring contracts and the government into it.

RandomGuy1030 · Answer

you're not traditional. you're a bimbo. How? Gee. It couldnt be you love a idea of a marriage more than the dude.

jimmy2 · Answer

Wow most women would love your problem. I understand you want more that's worth much more than money it's love, being there , an commitment

TenkRealist · Answer

Yes. Stop dating a jackass/manchild.

Anonymous · Answer

If he wants to have kids and start a family, then he should want to marry you. doesn't he want kids?

dustybiker · Answer

Sounds like he’s happy the way things are.

Crankor · Answer

Have him be honest with you about what's going on

7 Years Dating, Should I Do Something More To Become a Fiancee?

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