My girlfriend uses emotional intimacy as a punishment. What should I do?

[rehanQ]

Whenever I express myself and I say something hurtful but needed, she then refuses to communicate with me and closes up on me. This goes on for months before she opens up again and then another conflict happens after which she closes up again.. how do I break this cycle? How can I make this work? She says she will never open up to me again because I only hurt her when she does. Help!

[Honesttguy]

First of all, what she's doing is called manipulation. She wants to get away with disrespectful behaviour and when called out doesn't like it and tries to manipulate to win that battle so she can do it again.
I've had girl stop talking to me for half year and then she gave me back massage after when i asked.
You have to stand your ground and respect her boundaries if she doesn't want to talk, okey, doesn't want me near, okey, wants to break up, okey everything she wants is yes from my side.
You can't ask for respect if you dont respect in return.
But these girls require strong understanding, i can already sense few weaknesses from you so you be better of finding girl that doesn't do manipulation or you will end up like Jhonny Depp in court for abuse. Stay safe

[MC1100]

Love your response...+++

[MC1100]

Its passive aggressive, unhealthy, toxic. She might have narcissistic personality disorder. Its a game to her. Turn the tables. Healthy relationships, have it out and done with asap.. So you can both enjoy life! 3 year olds act like this. And adult 3 year olds..

[rehanQ]

How do you mean "turn the tables"?

[MC1100]

Its a game, she has all the power and you don't. She wins. she's really smart. Signs of a Narcist. Learn how to play the game she is presented. she's showing you who she is, accept it. Flip the tables.

[MC1100]

Find any girl, showup, watch the horns come out to prove... she's playing you as a fool.. Then realize it. she's a bottom feeder.. Trash..

[jennifer_bloom]

You need to break up and block her number and show up in her face with another girl to seal the deal

[MC1100]

Blam.. Yes, exactly..

[Little_Bumblebee]

You say hurtful, but needed? What is that and how do you say it?

[rehanQ]

Like when I get angry or display negative emotions to her actions

[Little_Bumblebee]

Elaborate more

[rehanQ]

For example she drew similarities of me to an old toxic friend of hers and i got really angry at her (over text) and told her not to do that again angrily
She said that she doesn't allow anyone to talk to her like that and that she won't express herself again to avoid it

[Little_Bumblebee]

How you say things are very important too, especially when you say you were very angry.
It's best you work on that, and not just blow up instantly. But tell her firmly that she should not compare you to someone toxic etc.

[rehanQ]

I did. But she sees fights as a signal to close up rather than mend things afterwards. That's the problem

[Little_Bumblebee]

Might have something to do with how she's been brought up etc.
Talk with her about it, that when you argue, you are not just going to leave the relationship.
When you argue in a relationship, remember to still care about the person.
Don't just blow up on them.

You are only 18, so my initial thought is you're not mature enough for some things (not just you, I mean ' you' as in both of you)

Sounds like she's responding to how you say things, your temper, and your tone, which might give her some trauma response or something, so she shuts down.

[rehanQ]

These shut downs aren't short either
It takes months for her to open up again and then it only takes a moment to ruin it all

[rehanQ]

She doesn't want to talk about it or get some help (both of us involved)

[Little_Bumblebee]

Then she doesn't sound like she's ready to be in a relationship.

[rehanQ]

What can I do here? She's also recently asked for a break from the relationship so we're aren't officially together right now

[Little_Bumblebee]

Sounds like a lot of work for someone who doesn't seem to be ready to work with you.
I would consider the relationship, is she the right one for you? Do you truly love her? Are you happy when you're with her, etc

[rehanQ]

Yes I do love her and yes I want to make things work but it's so one sided and that frustrates me

[Little_Bumblebee]

A relationship shouldn't really be that one-sided though, if you feel like you're the one working on the relationship, then of course it's super hard.
Same if you were lifting a couch, you know?

[rehanQ]

So should I consider breaking up with her? Or anything else?

[Little_Bumblebee]

That's up to you.
But if the communication is lacking, then it's a pretty big issue, especially if she doesn't want to talk about it or work on it with you.
She might have personal issues, I don't know.

[slatyb]

This is abusive. Get the hell out. Then get some counseling to figure out why you have put up with this behavior for so long.

[Daniela1982]

Dump her, her behavior is toxic.

[NathanDavis]

leave her