My Girlfriend is emotionally cruel sometimes, any advice?

[Westertin]

My girlfriend and I are very close but she hurts me emotionally more than i can really handle. I love her, but i Don't know if I can stay to much longer. even Little things sting more than they should and whats worse is that sometimes she looses her grip and laughs as she crushes me, she feels really bad for it and hates herself for hurting me, i don't know what to do, she doesn't do this all the time but when she does i just want to run away... I don't how much i can take

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+1 y

*note* she has emotional Problems and doesn't mean very often

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+1 y

*Another note* remember this is a 2 way street and she's not all to blame

[bobair]

I have a couple thoughts...

1) We teach people how to treat us. This comes down to our boundaries. When someone treats you poorly, and there's no consequence or interruption to clarify, then that's you teaching them it's okay.

If you don't like something she's saying or doing first confirm she means what she says. It's super easy to misinterpret a woman's comments when it's about something we're sensitive too. I mean, I can't count how many times I've said something stupid to my girlfriend that hurt her feelings and I didn't even realize it.

But once it's clear she's being abusive it's your job to let her know that it's not cool and that it won't continue. And I'm not talking about being physical or violent or abusive in retaliation, because that's immature and hurtful, I'm talking about being willing to walk away temporarily or permanently.

2) We never let someone treat us worse than we're willing to treat ourselves. So the core issue here is that somewhere deep inside you're accepting this poor behaviour because you think it's okay or that you deserve it.

This sounds crazy but think about it. If you're willing to accept the poor behaviour it's because you see yourself as worth of that behaviour. So find your inner child innocent self that doesn't deserve to be hurt and start defending him... defend him against your inner negative talk, and any outside negative talk from others.

3) When ever someone uses the words "crushes me" in makes me think they enjoy being dramatic. There are plenty of emotionally satisfying reasons to act the victim in order to FEEL like the centre of attention. Make sure this isn't what you're doing, or that your ego is pretending to be constantly hurt in order to feel comforted by others as a way of feeling loved and accepted?

Best of luck dude! Take care of yourself,
~ Robby

(My Blog https://www.fullofhateandreadytodate.com/ )

[Westertin]

1) I am a drama queen. I felt a lot of pain (physical emotional, etc) but never like this 2) im really shy (like to hide in corners an stuff 3) i do feel like I deserve it. I dont think im trying to be the center of attention.. she can't control it sometimes, but i will tell her next time and try to talk it out with her (she is stubborn), Thanks for the advice man

[bobair]

You seem to have a really good grasp on your situation, which is encouraging. I suspect the more hard work you do within yourself (dealing with past trauma, addressing your need for drama, forgiving yourself for past mistakes, etc) the easier it will be for you to address situations with her that make you feel poorly. Unfortunately they don't always teach us about this inner work when we're growing up but this is the best time of your life to continue to build yourself up. You're worth it. :D

[B-rad]

She needs to understand that your there to give your support & assistance if there's anything thats bothering her... and she needs to exercise this option when its needed... but she needs to also know that if she doesn't desire help but rather an abuse dumpster that can use at her covinience to unload emotional stress... then she needs to find someone that agrees to fill that position because she creating more adverse results unto herself because one day she's gonna wake up to find her personal whipping post gone... then what will she do? if she's so fucked up that she cannot communicate her problems too you in a mutual & civil fashion... then she either needs to be alone... or seek many many fucking years of therapy... YOU NEED TO GO TO DR. PHIL. COM... or somthing... because it sounds like you tried everything in your power to absorbe her bullshit... and if you dont leave... the police will get a domestic disturbance call.

[Bunni3]

She emotionally insecure, she doesn't want to hurt you but she doesn't want you to get to close to her. If she uses the things that are you feel embarrassed about against you , that likely a source of insecurity. Find out what she embarrassed about without asking her, then tell her you love her for it, and she'll stop laughing at you. And remember when ever she cruel she not doing it to hurt you she reflecting her feeling on how other view her. And other trick would be to throw off guard, when she starts acting mean or laughs just say "what's the matter" real considered it will immediately take that action off you and back to her, it will be so unexpected she might open on what this all really about.

[Westertin]

that sounds right, she has a very hard time opening up

[Anonymous]

it's because she is dealing with emotional issues, it has nothing to do with you. When we love someone their words can easily hurt us even tho we know it wasn't meant like this it just really hurts. It sounds like it already brought down your selfconfidence cause I'm pretty sure you're not like that normally. She should get help, otherwise I don't see how you guys can make it work since you're really hurt already. Be careful and protect your heart! good luck

[Creole_Flavor]

This is bad for your emotional health if she is inconsiderate to your feelings then you deserve better and will not get it from her if you tell her how you feel and she still treats you this way.

[Westertin]

She doesn't mean to very much, i was an emotional wreck before, i dont want to leave her

[Creole_Flavor]

Has she made any effort to try not to seem so cruel?

[Westertin]

she tries but she loses herself (they probaly horrible but I to has issues)

[Creole_Flavor]

Now that you mention she has emotional problems i would suggest for you to run no seriously. I was with a guy that was pretty cruel emotionally i stayed because he had mental issues which could be tied to emotional issues and all he did suck the life out of me to make him feel better about whatever he was going through. I'm not sure what other issues there may be but don't let this drive you crazy because once your sanity is gone its hard to get back.

[Westertin]

All logic points at her and I breaking up, but I love her, id die for her, i believe our love goes beyond logic. she is such a kind girl, she just needs to find herself (i thinks a good word for this?) her emotions are all messed up, i can't just leave her and frankly i think i've lost my mind

[Creole_Flavor]

You remind me of myself a year ago. Lol you can't save her but you can try to help he-r that is if she allows you to. Have you talked to her about this?

[Westertin]

several times, she doesn't know how to feel emotions like a normal person so she goes through some mood swings and a lot times she feels nothing, I suggested the Pill since it can balence hormones out, but first month has been pretty bad, maybe she will get better... I really hope so

[PANDAmonium]

Listen if she is purposely hurting you its time to move on. No one deserves to be emotionally abused like that. It may be hard to walk away but you have to remember that you deserve better than that.

[Westertin]

she's a very sweet and kind girl but she has emotional problems, she doesn't mean to very often, I don't to leave her

[PANDAmonium]

Does she have some sort of disorder?

[Westertin]

its not diagnosed by a Doctor but there was this one that she showed me that explained her feelings.. can't remember it

[thtdiablo]

Couple counselling, really... It's way too late already, so go now and see if it can be fixed...

[DodgersGM]

What exactly does she do or say to you?

[Westertin]

I have a hard time thinking of exact examples (guess i just kind of block them out), its insults to things i care about and guilt trips

[DodgersGM]

If she has emotional problems that cause her to do things like this, then she needs to get help to deal with them better.

[Westertin]

she doesn't want to tell her family because its constant attention, an her mom will likely blame everything on me and she doesn't want that because she won't be able to see me as much

[DodgersGM]

Well, she either gets help and the behaviors change, or they don't change and you get to suffer from her cruelty.

The former option is the only sustainable and desirable one, wouldn't you agree?

[Westertin]

I have tried soo hard to get her to get help but she won't budge, I don't want to leave her

[DodgersGM]

I'm telling ya man, it's gonna be one or the other.

It sounds like you're gonna have give her a choice: she either gets help for her issues and things get better, or you bounce.

[Westertin]

Leaving her will just make her worse though..

[DodgersGM]

It might temporarily, yeah. But that's not a good reason to stay with someone and suffer through their cruel treatment, is it?

[devilINSIDE]

Leave her bro :(