Why is the guy sometimes still expected to stick around if the girl won't commit or rejected him?

Question

Does anyone find this hypocritical? Tell any woman you've been together for 4+ years this and prepare to lose her: I love you. You're the love of my life but I'm not ready yet. I'm not settling down yet. I'm not sure if you're the one.  She's crying at this point. No women is going to understand ''You're my life but after 4 years I only want you as a girlfriend''. To any women, that wouldn't make any sense at all. Vice-versa (it's the girl that's wasting his time) and he still has to wait for her: Just because I said no to your proposal, doesn't mean I don't love you. I know it's been 4 years but I'm just not sure if I'm ready yet. Let me continue keeping you as a boyfriend. He's suppose to wait till she's ready, be understandable and be more patient. LOL

JustAnj · Accepted Answer

This means there is something you do not have as a quality or a lacking in emotional connection that she wants in a person.

Example: A partner that can not have a long distance relationship or move with a partners plans if necessary for both to have a secure relationship.

Example 2: Communication is lacking maturity and can not be easily expressed always ends in arguments instead of understanding and connection.

Example 3: Lacking in emotional connection, unsure if it due to end of honeymoon phase or wanting to move on from relationship because it's not the one. (In this case someone needs to look to ones actions and feelings for reassurance)

Example 4: Lacking in sexual experience and has not spoken up which could create confusion that can easily be resolved by communication.

Last example but there could be many: Has a set priority to marry at a specific age due to the freedom of being only a couple or fears marriage in general due to its commitment. (What are her fears?)

In general you need to remember that you exist as much as she does and your in fault for staying if you are not interested in staying in a stagnant relationship that may or may not go anywhere. It's up to you to determine what you want after the other person has laid out thier plans.

It's your turn to decide if you would be happier waiting to see if it could work out or she leaves you because you are not the one or if you would prefer to end the relationship and move on and find someone who is looking to move forward with you in thier plans and yours without needing reassurance to commit.

It honestly is just choices but the point is she does not expect anything from you she is just hoping you would stay knowing until she is ready or sure you are or aren't the one she can not marry you, may that mean splitting later in the future and just enjoying the time you have left in the relationship. It's in the end really up to you if you want to wait or go.

green122023 · Accepted Answer

Yes, it hypocritical,
I know a lot of girls will say that this is not true. However it is a fact that we as females want double standards, which means that when we like something even if it is wrong we close our eyes, however if the male does, we criticize. This is a reality.

ObscuredBeyond · Accepted Answer

Longest I've had a relationship was two years. Usually doesn't take me more than a few months to find out where her true priorities lie. Usually, she's plunging the daggar into my back, pulling something. Rarely do I have to be the one to kick her to the curb.

But most of the time, the proper "relationship" never even forms. Back when I'm still curious, and before anything official takes root, far too many of my intrigues go bust. I always seem to find the mentally unstable chicks. As well as woman-child types, brainlets, and sociopaths.

A woman who is right in the head is a treasure to behold. But I don't find a lot of diamonds. I find the rough, and almost nothing else.

Of course, that's just the ones who will pretend to entertain a possibility with me in the first place. Earlier in life, a lot of gals were downright nasty in their immediate rejection. It's one thing to say no. It's another to be going to the mental gymnast Olympics to find ways to crush a man's soul! It makes me think a lot of those nasty gals had some serious daddy issues, and I was just a convenient outlet for their inner rage.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The system we live in is savage and complex, think about it logically if life was simple there wouldn't be a need for many things. A man should give up his seat, yet a woman can sit all day. A man should ask a woman out. Some things are etched into our DNA. I was once caught in this trap, told someone I needed more time. In order to save up money to buy a house etc... Unfortunately that translated to in her eyes I don't love her... Guess where she is now gone.

weasley8 · Answer

Who is telling him to stick around? Of course it sucks if it happens, but everyone I know basically considers a rejected proposal to be the same thing as a breakup.

It's a bit more high stakes for women, as we have a much smaller window of time in which we can healthily have biological children, but I would consider it completely reasonable to either party to leave when they have different goals and ideas for what the relationship should be. It sucks, but sometimes you need to do things like that for the sake of your own happiness.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

There are ways of saying the same thing that are acceptable as well as unacceptable. It's not that its OK for one and not the other.. it's just the way they were worded.

If I was to say the 1st one to a woman.. It would be..

I love you more than life itself. but I have been in situations before where things were going great and as soon as anything more serious is discussed, it all disintegrated. I'm not prepared to let anything go wrong this time, so i would like to keep things as they are and maintain the status quo for the sake of out relationship. Can you do that?

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

It could go both ways. I've been told by many older ladies (all in bad relationships, lol) to stick around my exes when they were terrible partners.

Fortunately this time around, when my ex straight up lied about having his immigration lined up, my friends are all either more mature or people of colour like me who all encouraged me to break up with him.

No one should stay with a partner who isn't willing to match their commitment.

I have a 3 year hard limit. This is one more factor to why I broke up with my ex. If he's not ready in 3 years, then we're done. I don't have time to waste.

I'm going to try implementing an 18 month timeline similar to a friend of mine's. If I don't feel like the relationship is leading anywhere by then, I'm out.

I might end some relationships a bit too early, but I'm willing to make those mistakes.

globetrotter22 · Answer

It has to do with women being more wishy washy upstairs because of their “emotions”. Men are expected to tolerate it.

In some scenarios it’s “semi” understandable in the very early stages. Women take longer to fall in love. But more often than not many women want the “best of both worlds” wishy washy third option. They want the guy’s attention but don’t want to do their end because they feel entitled to a better deal somewhere.

If this wasn’t true than women would try to justify scenarios such as the friéndzone. That’s a typical wishy washy conceited choice that benefits a woman to the man’s detriment.

Panzer21 · Answer

I didn't know men were expected to stick around after she refuses a proposal. Thats fucking stupid though.

Personally if I were with a woman long enough to pop the question, and she says no because she's not ready yet, I know that means she isn't sure if she wants me or someone else. At that point Im wasting my time with someone who values me less than I do them, and that will be the end.

If anyone were to have a problem with that, I will kindly tell them to gag on these balls because its none of their ******* business, and my life and choices belong to me not them.

CP67at · Answer

I've seen a show with Steve Harvey... He answering to a question that someone in the show asked him about his friendship with women. Do he have female friends?

He answered: No! Reason behind guys being friends with a girl, Number 1 reason she's with another man now, in future if there and crack or a break-up happens he could get a chance to sneak into her life and take advantage of her.

Like- wise, reason men stay around girls is because once in a lifetime or a period of time she'll need something critical or a help from someone and he can use it to turn the PREVIOUS NO into 🔁 YES!

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Good point!

I guess I've just always felt like women should legitimately get some kind of pass and get more leniency and patience since they're more emotional and they don't know what they want. They have a harder time making up their minds that we men do.
Or am I wrong here?

MTC29 · Answer

I'm the guy (the fool) who proposed twice to the same woman (five years between the proposals). Why? because I thought that we had something good going.

When she refused proposal #2 and gave her reasons, I threw her out of my house.

MrOracle · Answer

Sure. It's one of hundreds of double-standards between men and women. But in most cases, men are supposed to suck it up and deal with it, while women are allowed to complain and get all upset and even sue about the ones that benefit men.

maximumpower · Answer

not where i come from.
if she says "no," "not interested," etc., then that's it.
she is sending mixed signals to 1) let you down easy, 2) keep you on a retainer for when she wants something, or 3) can't make up her mind.
sorry man, but counter to her statement, you are not the love of her life.
move on. there are more fish in the sea.

hellomellow7 · Answer

I don't know, i personally know right away wether someone would be someone I want to be with long term or not. Some people don’t know 🤷‍♀️.. some people just don’t prioritize they’re boyfriend/girlfriend enough to figure it out.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

Who does this? I won't even give a woman a second chance for a date if she wastes my time. Four years is insane.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

After 3 years I would know for sure if I wanted to marry someone or not.

Rebecka33 · Answer

I don't think this is true it's mostly the guy who doest want to leave.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

The depths of people's self-serving, shitty behavior will never cease to amaze and annoy me.

Creampiekarl420 · Answer

It’s disappointing how women defend women who do sht like this instead of holding them accountable

Anonymous · Answer

That sounds right lol. And yes very! But many things like that with women. Only applies to guys, not if it's them.

Freyke · Answer

Good point I am going to bring this up with my partner.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

There are men trying to marry women of their own accord? Why aren't they being treated for their severe mental illness?

baserunner611 · Answer

If the girl is the love ❤️ of your life, you take right there to church or the county clerk's office

Why is the guy sometimes still expected to stick around if the girl won't commit or rejected him?

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