Why don't male victims of female violence defend themselves when they are way stronger than their female intimate partners?

Question

TonyV · Accepted Answer

Why so she can bruise like a banana like most women do, lie, claim I started it and then I'm stuck with no proof or evidence to defend myself.

It's not as easy as you're pretending it is.

How many videos are out there of women starts it, guy defends himself, then some random "white night" comes to protect her cause he has no idea what really happened?

Yeah I could physically put a girl through a wall, now she's bruised and looks beaten while I look fine. I don't bruise, I barely bruised in a atv crash, so I'm pretty confident she could break a chair over my back and I'd have zero marks to proce what happened, I'd just end looking like a wife beater.

Bad women like that are manipulative and on top of that everyone just believes women by default, the police, her family, her friends would all believe her without a doubt as she lied through her teeth.

I'm sure you mentioned this cause of amber turd, well she refused to show prove of her "abuse", told flat out undeniable lies, and there was evidence that she abused him... and we still have people who thinks she's the victim, it's fucking ridiculous.

The bitch thinks whatever she does isn't abuse just cause he weighed more at the time, like what the fuck?

So defending yourself against a woman is almost a loose loose situation, she I could overpower most women but after that I'm fucked legally.

Well_Wisher · Accepted Answer

The reason why male victims dont take a stand from female voilence is the society pressure. As patriarchy has always been running through the ages, it makes a man look coward and timid when he is abused by a female. In a world where men are believed to be more powerful than a women, when that same man is a victim of female voilence no one respects him. He is considered to be less manly. Everyone will make a fun of him. When a female is suffering from male voilence she is supported and encouraged by the society to open up or fight for her rights but its not the case for men. The another reason might be that if a man is victim of female voilence it is less likely that he is heard by the society and someone will take his suffering seriously. Also these days the number of fake cases by females filling a fake case against voilence by a man has been increased. The number of supporters to females getting harassed is way more than men. Men are mostly considered as a criminal in every harassment and voilence cases. As most of the things doesn't favour men in voilence cases, men are mostly silent victims and supress their voices. Thats what I feel might be true.

Hrumf · Accepted Answer

Because he will likely be considered the abuser because he defended himself.

It’s not about who starts it but about who finishes it unfortunately. Who will believe a big strong man is being abused by a petite little lady when she is the one with a black eye because he defended himself from her physical assault which left him without bruises because she is a weak little thing?

She still physically abused him but she is the one with the physical signs of abuse although he defended himself.

The scenario above is a generalization and I understand it can be a lot more complicated than that. But this scenario paints the picture as to why a man cannot physically defend himself in today’s society and I do find it to be a problem…

Smoke-n-Growls · Accepted Answer

1) They know the law is skewed against them - if they defend themselves, they are likely to be portrayed as the attacker, even if they are just defending themselves.

2) There is significant stigma against male victims of violence. Police ignore them and people - even their friends and family - tend to make fun of them instead of support them.

3) There's significant stigma from toxic masculinity that encourages men to (wrongfully) just "suck it up and be a man", resulting in many men believing they shouldn't need to speak out. Which is utter bullshit.

There's also so many more reasons. Absuive situations fuck with our brains and it can be extremely hard to get out even if you know you should. This applies to everyone - not just men.

EyeKnowMeNahYou · Answer

Because that's the type of thinking that they are taught you are not to defend yourself against the woman or hit a woman back because size matters when it comes to these cases you're bigger you're stronger you're a man, therefore you're supposedly I just sit there and take it or walk away. You have to be empathetic towards the fact that she's an emotional being and what she's doing is just out of her emotions not logic. But this is backwards thinking that we're taught. What is supposed to be talking to both sides is that you ought to keep your hands to yourself, and if you have any discrepancies you ought to articulate with words not physical violence.

Overall, men are taught not to hit women because worst case scenario is even if it is in protection and you hit her and she has bruises and she's able to show the police you will get sentence for abuse. Sadly trying to prove male abuse from women is almost as tough is trying to pull male rape from women. Almost no one will actually believe it because you're a big guy and that's sad

RotOfStars · Answer

... because men are not supposed to hit women. That's pretty deeply ingrained in most men almost as deep as don't rape and don't molest kids.

It can really throw a man of balance when he starts to get hit because he knows that turning the violence around is wrong.

In my opinion, men who do not see enough value in themselves to set a violence boundary with women, or say that hitting me is absolutely unacceptable, have a hard time dealing with their more Dominant significant other.

What are you willing to put up with. If you see yourself as worthless, you will tend to accept being treated as worthless.

Birdlegs · Answer

I’ve seen I think on Instagram this exact thing where a girl was hitting a dude yelling at him and I believe she even spit on him and started wailing on her and people were furious in the comments talking about “he should’ve just restrained her” and “he didn’t have to do all that” it’s wild how some people think sometimes

Whatever2929292 · Answer

Some men think that they have to be a doormat to a woman. I never understood this. There is a difference between using the necessary amount of force to get someone from hitting you and going to the extreme like she tries to slap you and you bash her face in and throw her down the stairs... Not really reasonable. Holding her back from hitting you or pushing her onto the floor. Yea...

As well as calling the police and reporting domestic abuse and leaving her ass.

But don't get me wrong many women do the same thing they just take abuse from someone

Jabberjaw · Answer

Because men instinctively are protectors of women by nature, on top of being raised from a young age that any physical violence to a woman is EVIL Not just wrong, but evil.

Add that to the fact most guys never think it's even a reality that it could/would happen to them and it really is a shock when it happens.
Put yourself in a man's shoes for a moment.

You know deep down you are not to hit a woman. You have a built in habit to look out for and protect your woman. Now that woman is hitting you. With all of that in mind, what do you do?

And you've never been taught what to do or planned ahead of time.

NZGirl07 · Answer

Often female abusers will verbally and emotionally abuse the man to ruin his self esteem. This might make him feel like he deserves the beatings, or is just less inclined to stand up for himself. This happened to Johnny Depp, when Amber heard labelled him a shit father, a monster, a fat old man etc. All tactics to be able to errode his self esteem.

Also, I think some men may not take violence from a female as seriously because a woman is naturally weaker, and like Johnny Depp stated he could hold Amber down to stop her hitting him.

Also if a partner fluctuates between loving behaviour and abuse it is harder for the victim to leave due to mixed feelings.

DaveJord · Answer

Proportional Response. Self-defense law requires the response to match the level of the threat in question.

So the problem is that when a woman comes at you full force with her 100%, then do you think its Proportional Response for the guy to respond in kind? The women's 100% might not even leave a mark, but a guys 100% would knock out cold. So there just seems to be no way to proportionally respond to a women.

Women bruise so easy, I mean as soon as the police show up you can claim self defense but by that time she screaming domestic abuse and wife batter at you. She's all bruised and its a classic he said she said, and guess who gets ask to leave the house? Not the women, and unless the police see the actual event or there are witness well your fucked. She wants to press charges and the police have to respond and it just fucks up your whole day because some stupid bitch lost her shit and it was laughable to you.

DermalPunch · Answer

Well, because he will be considered the agressor even though he is the victim. I have met a mal victim of domestic violence. His wife hit him in the head with a belt buckle and split his poor ginger wig right open.

Two double standards I hate: men getting a pass on promiscuous behaviour and women never being considered the agressors.

Tiptoetamm · Answer

There are some really big women out there. I can't speak for all men but the ones I've talked to it's engraved in them to not hit a woman no matter what. I totally agree with you if I'm hurting a man beating him I would expect him to defend himself

boggboss · Answer

Would change person to person some guys are too afraid to defend themselves incase of being called the abuser some guys have it in there mind they can't because it's a girl and others just are too scared to do anything

bolverk · Answer

Have you heard of the The Duluth Model? Look it up.
If police have gone through training based around The Duluth Model they have been taught that the male is ALWAYS THE AGGRESSOR and must be the one removed from the family home, even if he is the one covered in injuries and blood, unless you get one very clued in cop who realises what's going on.

Also men are indoctrinated from childhood 'boys do not hit girls' and women take full advantage of that,
but with Feminists claiming women are 'equal to men in every way', I would keep an eye open for men no longer taking violence from women, and women who have a history of being violent to men are going to regret it.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Because society would go after them and will destroy them. Women are protected to the point in this country they could literally take whatever they want. Woman divorces, gets the house, the car, the kids and half the man’s salary… even though she makes more than him. Or if a woman claims sexual assault with very little to no proof, a man loses his job, friends, livelihood, etc.. not saying that to make light of any situation or for an agenda, but that’s what I’ve seen on a daily basis, and also seen from my closet of friends relationships.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

It's interesting the same men who say men are always stronger than women are the same men who also say "what about men" when discussing domestic violence.

Anyway. Domestic violence isn't always physical. Women can be stronger than their partners. Manipulation is a thing. Not wanting to leave the relationship is also a factor.

globetrotter22 · Answer

Because some females intentionally initiate abuse knowing that if the guy hits her back she can cry victim and he will most likely get in even more trouble. Just ask Amber Heard.

Unless there is video evidence of exactly what happened most average guys are screwed her and these POS females know it.

Juxtapose · Answer

Why don't male victims of female violence defend themselves when they are way stronger than their female intimate partners?

Picture you are this man and are currently being attacked by a small woman who is going to start to bruise you or worse if you don't do something.

You can choose to attack her or run/do nothing. If you defend yourself or call the cops you will have the same fate as this white girl in the picture below..

Blackcosmo · Answer

In society. a man is never considered weaker than a woman and admitting that a woman is abusing you is shameful. They also can't do anything because supposedly men "can't hit" a woman and would then have to just bear it and do nothing.
Sometimes you can fear someone much weaker than you which mostly occurs in an emotionally abusive relationship. The main tactic is emotion manipulation which can affect anyone and is a lot more difficult to fight than most people think.

genericname85 · Answer

well men are brought up to never hit women... so abusive women abuse that by being violent, knowing he won't retaliate.

and even if he did retaliate, she could go to police, tell police he beat her up and nobody would believe he was defending himself.

exitseven · Answer

I dated somebody who abused me. Some times she would yell at me and say the worst stuff. A few times she would attack me physically. She had been abused as a kid an she was messed up because of to I think. It only would happen aver couple of months, the rest of the time she was really a sweet kid. I could never hit her. I used to just restrain her until she calmed down.

SkyCastle90 · Answer

Why can't teenagers or young adults just yell at their parents and overpower them to stop the abuse? Same can be asked of this situation as well, because the abuser is older/elderly.

Abusers don't love their victim, but the victim can love their abuser enough not to harm them.

Quigly · Answer

The goal of an abuser is to take your freedom away and project that you are the abuser instead of them. Assaulting her is exactly what she wants, So she can call the police and tell them you are the abuser and you need to go to jail.<<< The abuser wins

The fact that, In reality, you are defending yourself means nothing to the police if she has marks on her from getting hit.

In other words, The police only recognize physical abuse and not really psychological abuse.

Especially in Johnny Depp case. Johnny Depp isn't exactly a guy without other choices. He has many different homes and wouldn't be homeless and on the street if he walks away from her unlike many other guys of lesser means. Johnny wasn't trapped with his abuser. The police and courts might be more lenient to a guy that has no other place to live and can't get away.

TallAnon · Answer

Because they are afraid of the system. If I punch a women, a real punch.. That's a 40% chance she will straight up die and another 45% chance to get in jail, lose your job and the respect of the people around you. Now you can't "fight" back, you have to "struggle", get her bruised? Assault, jail. Push her back? Rape, jail.
Women notoriously win these cases.

jshm2 · Answer

They could be blinded by love, effeminate, abused, family, or disabled among many others.

It's not a simple gender issue. One of my friends uncles was killed by his abusive wife. The guy was a brick house, but his wife just knew how to push his buttons to make him lose his shit. She ended up taking him out in the end, and claimed "self defence" to boot.

RavVid · Answer

Because you will find yourself accused of initiating violence and you won't be believed no matter what.

An ex partnered assaulted me because I wanted some of an Easter egg I had bought believe it or not. She got angry when I deflected her punches and called the police. Fortunately the police were realistic

lightbulb27 · Answer

they do.
but there are reasons not to, like will get arrested. friend of mine was arrested for his wife assaulting him. he didn't touch her... the police aren't about right and wrong, they are about control and risk... order. assumptions come into play and it's not about fair.

DaisyM23 · Answer

well i mean it depends on the type of abuse - it could be one timers like when women are mad and just hit their partners (which would definitely not pass if it was a man who hits a woman once) so maybe there's no point in defending themselves? or it could just be the power dynamics or the fear that no one would take their side if they hit back? there's definitely a double standard in terms of abuse

Anonymous · Answer

Because if they do in any way they automatically are seen by their social group as well as the cops as the aggressor. I remember the neighbors fighting, she was beating him (not a small guy but a teddy bear) he called the cops, they arrested HIM and he told them he was fine with it as long as they get him away from her... It took them a good while to wrap their heads around it... They still didn't arrest her, though she drew blood, but releases him and told him to stay the night at a friend's.

Almost10inch4funlol · Answer

because we have emotions and a punch or smack hurt even from a child so a man can only take so much. women and men should always keep their hands to themselves because you can’t get mad at their reactions to your violence. if you feel you have to use violence, you shouldn’t be in the relationship

CelineBV · Answer

They have more strength and more muscles. If they overdo it (ex: punching and giving her a black eye for getting a slap), they can really hurt her and there wouldn't be any evidence to arrest her.

It's one thing to stop someone from hitting you, pushing them away and holding them tightly than to knock them out as a first resort and continue punching them over and over. By overdoing it with the retaliation, you're destroying the evidence of getting abused yourself.

VanillaSalt · Answer

Because men are the aggressors always. Ask women (besides yourself because your obvious the exception like every fucking woman ever) if a man should hit a woman hitting him and 90% of the time they will say no or say he should just restrain her unless she has a weapon.

hahahmm · Answer

The way it works is that the kind of woman who wants to abuse a guy avoids doing it to the men who will smack her off her feet or do worse to her. They're selective about who they abuse and who they get into relationships with. So there's a mental block in the guy's head that makes him think it's wrong to ever hit a woman.

If any woman hits me I would not even think before showing her that I'm stronger. Been there, done that. No, I wouldn't stay in a relationship with a violent woman tho.

Wsx2wsx2ws · Answer

The issue is often not that they are stronger or more powerful. The method is to attack their character.
Much the same way Satan did not attack God's power but slandered him. To strike back with power would have only justified his accusation.
Exposure of the issue and high quality character are the most effective def/offense.
Current examples are Johnny Depp.

Lionman95 · Answer

Because they are not always way stronger and plus because we don´t want to harm her.
Guys oftentimes could think that them defending themselves leads to their over-reaction and actually hurting her because that´s something to prevent they don´t act.
It also depends on your parents education because I for example was taught to go somewhere else to calm down from my anger so I´d rather try to leave.

Subarugirl · Answer

There are a lot who do, there are also a lot who don't because they fear what admitting to being the victim of domestic abuse would make them look like. Society has pushed this false narrative that "real men" or that if you are masculine you can't be abused by a woman... admitting that is not easy and would require him to publicly admit that he was getting his ass kicked by a girl... men who are already struggling with their masculinity aren't going to want to do that.

dragoblack · Answer

Because it looks horrible in court and can be twisted to where she can say she was being abused. Court systems is sexist when it comes to abuse and society always sides with a woman and looks down on men who defend themselves or even mention they are being abused

Guanfei · Answer

Because in case they defend themselves, they're automatically seen as the abuser and they're the one arrested.
Women know that, that's why they don't hesitate to get violent, they're certain almost no man will defend themselves, and if they do, everyone around will rescue the woman anyway.

sheikalana · Answer

I guess it's because they are aware of how physically strong they are and if they decide to defend themselves the consequences are going to be so much worse because for sure there will be blood and broken bones. And then the same old story "he beat me up" starts all over again. It's sad but the truth. I think men being victims of domestic violence is more common than we think.

glennos89 · Answer

because you can't beat up a woman reconstructing her whole face in the process like we can do with other men.

Guy code!!!

You never pray on the ones that are unable to defend themselves properly.

Real men will never beat up elderly people, woman and children.
This is a unwritten rule among men and you will be considered weak by other guys making you more likely to be targeted by other dudes when you don't keep yourself to that rule

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Female abusers know the courts will side with her if the man retaliates even just ONCE. They weaponise the legal system to entrap their victims, and this is bolstered by extensive psychological manipulation, examples of which we all heard in the Amber Heard recordings.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

If a woman sat on my dick, or has it it her hands or mouth unwanted, sudden movements to get her off could land me in the ER, and could permenetly damage my penis. It's just not worth the risk to push her off with brute force, and any injuries she sustained while attempting to push her off, would just result in me being the one who gets in trouble, not her.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

Then you wouldn't be asking this question. He'll be automatically made the abuser. I'm not even surprised that someone asked this question.

caitycat21 · Answer

This is just victim blaming and abuse is much deeper than that. It can be physical, emotional, and etc.  Sometimes victims of abuse fight back in retaliation, that doesn’t make it mutual abuse.

Slartybartfast · Answer

Better to take a beating then be arrested! A man calling the police for domestic violence is like a mouse asking a snake for help escaping a trap.

Valso · Answer

Maybe because some of are incapable of hurting a woman? I couldn't hurt a woman even if you pay me to do that. I love women and unlike some "men", I don't express my love for them through fists. I'd rather hit some furniture or appliance than ever hitting a woman, regardless of what she's doing to me. I've never had such a case where the woman to bully me but even if I did, I still couldn't hurt her.

Freyke · Answer

Society doesn't cheer you on for getting physical against a woman. Woman tries to punch and kick you, you push her away, she falls over. Hoppa, she can play the victim. Remember. Depp got threatened and frowned upon at first too when that whole drama started. A man is more easily blamed than the woman, we don't ask enough questions. I hope with this case gone viral, the double standard will stop.

msc545 · Answer

it's very simple. If we do that we will get arrested and charged with felonies. Men are not allowed to defend themselves physically against women who are attacking them. Why is it women don't seem to understand this?

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Because they’re either going to prison, handing in their man card or they’re so desperate to be with someone that they accept the abuse because they view being alone as worse.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

Because the moment we do, it's the moment we serve them a "physical abuse" charge on a silver platter.

Counterclocking · Answer

What? Self defense is a basic human right and it’s never illegal. Self defense is legal when: a man defends himself against a man, a man defends himself against a woman, a woman defends herself against a woman, and a woman defends herself against a man. Everybody has the right to protect themselves regardless of gender. Nobody has extra rights whether you’re a man or woman.

aquamarine321 · Answer

Sometimes it’s not all about strength, because I have seen and heard of females who have a bigger body and the man have a smaller body even in height, and yet female fear men is the same, especially when you’re weak to someone because of love and challenges and fear is stronger than love

Texasgal95 · Answer

In my mind several things ; he knows he’s stronger and doesn’t want to hurt her, what if she tries to say it was self defense. Sadly unless there’s evidence it’s hard for men to be beloved that they were abused

maximumpower · Answer

guys will, but only to the point where she'll back down.
society (and law) still frowns on the male who gets physical, even if there's photo/video proof.
call it a double standard - b/c that's exactly what it is.

Creampiekarl420 · Answer

Because a man is already equipped with everything we need to kill a woman females don’t fight the males in nature because they know they’re stronger and could kill them that’s why a lot of female animals just get raped and accept it and I hate how females take advantage of the fact that most men aren’t quick to hit them but if a guy treated another guy how women treat men they’d be beat tf up or dead

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

*girl defends herself from guy*

“People”: you go girl, AWHIOO

*guy defends himself from girl*

“People”: YOU F*CKIN SEXIT MAN WHORE, YOU GET FUNKY WITH YO TRUCK AND USE GASOLINE AS LUBE I CAUGHT YOU TRYING TO GIVE YOURSELF AN IDIAN BURN ON YO PINGAS IN A PORTAPOTTY-

Not entirely sure if that’s true but doesn’t sound too wacky

Alex8736 · Answer

they will go to jail if they get physical, they can try to file a police report but they will get laughed at which society will always believe the female. You have crazy males AND crazy females which is why in a females eyes "all men are evil" and in men's eyes "all women are evil" so that small percentage can scar someone both physically and mentally which gives the majority of sane people a bad name

Anonymous · Answer

I do. I'll knock a bitch tf out every time if she attacks me. I'm laughing my ass off at the other comments from all the pussies that call themselves men saying "you're not supposed to hit a woman. haha. Nah, bro, she's not supposed to hit you either. Nothing wrong with pimp smacking a ho when she gets violent on you.

RealMarek · Answer

Having been in this situation, the reason is that most men are trained to never harm a woman in almost any circumstance and also even if a man harms a woman in self-defense the man will probably end up in jail.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

Maybe because they love the abuser…  I feel sad…

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

I can answer that with a question.  Why is Putin, who is just one man controlling a whole army into killing for something they do not believe in? Answer = Fear!

Anonymous · Answer

Simple, the act of defending one's self always results in the man going to jail. Women have a get out of jail free card thanks to feminists and the Duluth model.. You have a vagina you get a free pass on domestic violence and sexual assault.

Kaorix · Answer

I think it also depends a lot on the psychological and not necessarily he is stronger, the girl can be stronger somehow either manipulating the man or maybe even having a lot of mass muscle from going to the gym or some fighting sport. so it's not just up to him but in certain cases when the man is stronger in some way he might be judged as sexist, abusive and violent against women who can also play the victim. but that's only in some cases, but I don't know how the person thinks.

Why don't male victims of female violence defend themselves when they are way stronger than their female intimate partners?

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Why don't male victims of female violence defend themselves when they are way stronger than their female intimate partners?

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