Why do we sometimes miss someone who hurt us in a relationship?

[roy_ricky09]

[Lucy68]

All 3 of my last exes were abusive, whether that was mentally, physically, emotionally, verbally, and sexually.

Ex boyfriend#1 we were best friends before we dated and the summer before our senior year we decided to try it out. And that relationship was extremely on and off. Was there good times in the relationship, yes if you count making out a lot but we use to party a lot as well as drink. But when I think of fhe good times when we were genuinely happy was when we were strictly best friends. Do I miss him? Well not really no but I do miss it when we were just best friends.

Ex boyfriend #2 we technically were together when I was 15 and he was 19. And those were the best times (I know crazy) and we truly did love each. We lost contact after an explosive argument one night (which led 15 1/2 year old me sobbing uncontrollably in her bed) but reunited thanks to an ex friend of mine 3 years later when I was 18 and he was 22 and that's when the relationship became violent. We did love each other but eventually the violence was getting to much and unfortunately cops were involved. Do I miss him? I only miss it when he was loving, sweet, goofy, and kind. But no not anymore.

Ex boyfriend #3 was also my fiance and we were not only together for 5 years but we were also college sweethearts. The good times in the relationship were the early days of our dating. But there was also a lot of cheating and abuse going on even when we were engaged. And again cops were involved. Do i miss him? No I honestly do not miss that monster. But did I love him? Honestly I did even after the final breakup but within 2 months I wanted nothing to with him.

We love and miss the good times, and yeah we did love them and when it's over we miss them. Unfortunately my current ex did a number on me that when we finally broke up I couldn't stop crying and wanted to go back to him cause I miss him. But knew I couldn't for my safety and sanity (even though he's also the reason why I'm a little nutty now). And I missed him like crazy. But now I don't want nothing to do with him. Same can be said for all my other exes even though they were abusive like the last 3 they were awful (except for 1 but he played mind games a lot) and I missed them and wanted them back cause you believe you can change them to be better and you love them as well. But within time you not only learn your self worth but you become cautious of what you're going to get yourself into.

[roy_ricky09]

Sorry to hear that. Stay safe and strong 💪

[Emiliamazing]

While they may have hurt you, there may have been some benefits or happy times with them that you have not found in another person yet.

[Emiliamazing]

I think this is something we all go through at some point in our lives.

[dynamicyandere]

Sometimes you have fond memories and a soft spot for them still. But you know that you broke up for a reason and it was best to part ways. When enough time passes, sometimes the bad memories begin to fade, making the good memories stand out more. Sometimes you wish the hurt never happened—like it was just a bad dream.

[Chris_8036]

It's like an addiction.
Alcohol hurts people too, they get hungover and swear to never drink again.
Then eventually they forget about that hurt and start remembering the buzz and want to drink again.
People forget how their partner hurt them and start to miss the high of being together.

[Gent207]

We miss what we remember, which is only what we've recalled more times than other occasions. What you miss are only the good times you remember not the bad things that led to the break-up.
Nostalgia is a liar full of selective memories without a full picture it always ends badly.

[luxxoxo]

We miss the idea we created of who we thought they were. That’s all we miss. That’s why we are able to let go no matter how much time it takes we are still able to let go of that person.

[BCRanger10]

Because people are influenced by their emotions. They think back to the good times and overlook or underestimate the bad. They also long for what could have been. They want to believe that the other person would have changed and treated them better.

[FilmGuy93]

The comfort of familiarity combined with the abuse feels safer than taking the risk of being alone. The unknown scares people. It's honestly shocking how scared people are of the unknown and being alone.

[AviatorTom]

You miss people you care about. Getting hurt doesn't change your caring for them.

[Tiptoetamm]

You remember the good times, wish it had stayed that way I guess

[LimitedBenefits101]

people with mental illness tend to miss whatever hurt them b4

according to stanford university 40% of women miss their ex that hurt them
40% is very high number

[sheikalana]

We're still attached to them and to the good memories you both shared.

[exitseven]

I do this sometimes. I don;t know why this happens.

[maximumpower]

haven't experienced that.
those who are out are just that - OUT.

[driven159]

why would you miss someone that hurt you and will again?

[WhitneySnow]

Cause we love them too

[NathanDavis]

because you're still immature

[jimmy2]

In death for sure that all you have missing