Why do we sometimes miss people who hurt us?

[Anonymous]

You know they weren’t good for you… but your mind still goes back.
Is it really them you miss or the memories, the comfort, or the version of yourself you were with them?
Why do we hold on to people who let us down?

[Anonymous]

You're holding on to something you wish had come to fruition, but it didn't pan out how you envisioned it. I liked a girl who flirted with me, followed me first on IG, gave me her number, all that stuff. The way she ended things, I was utterly devastated for months. Then I found out she got married within 3 months, which really hurt. But the more I reflect the more I realized how much of a b! tch she really was. A narcissistic, stubborn, two-faced girl who's immature, mentally sick and encouraged her female friends to cheat and dealing with daddy issues. I learned that I am a better person than her. I tried to be Mr. Easy Going. Because as a guy that's all I hear nowadays. Be a gentleman, make things easier, make her laugh, blah blah blah. I really don't care to cater to someone's needs.

Now, I realize, truly, truly be yourself and don't waste your time on anyone who doesn't value you. I am a hard working guy - working 2 jobs and going to school, cook good, decent looking guy, look young and youthful for my age, can be quirky and funny, achieved academic goals in my life, didn't fuck around with different girls/never partied/never drank alcohol/doesn't do drugs, I don't cheat others or manipulate others. I told myself be proud of who I am because in this world there is a ton of ignorant, two-faced people in this world. As for the girl, I really don't care if she's married, she's another guy's problem and good riddance. I will never tolerate disrespect from a female. I went from respecting her to losing all my respect for her.

She is one of the fakest religious girls I have ever met, and she's one of the worst people I have ever met in my life, I have zero respect for her, I lost all my respect for her. To any girls reading this, be careful how you treat guys because if it becomes a game stringing and toying guys along. Eventually, word gets out because guys talk and if some new guy enters your life and hears a shady past they will back off. If majority of people don't respect someone that's more painful than rejection.

[Finchie40]

Because you remember the good memories you had with them , so it makes it harder to accept the fact that they are not good for you I experienced this with my ex that suffers PTSD , ADHD , her and I have so many good memories with each other , but when she turns in a mean negative bitch towards me , I tend to walk the other way , but after some time apart from her I miss her and miss the Good side , so of her and the memories we have together , so when she snaps out of her mental episode, she is back to being nice and caring again , so she easily suckers me back into her , it’s been an ongoing cycle that sadly has gotten worse through the years to the point I had to walk away and not look back , but it’s not easy

[ShellyB]

Well I am thinking of a particular person, an ex whoI think really used me and was emotionally abusive but I thought I was in love. I think about him sometimes bc first of all, it was my first relationship after high school, my first actual intense relationship and the first one that was mainly sexual. I was his little sex kitten, slave, bitch or whatever words you want I did whatever he wanted me to do. I had all of these weird strong emotions and the sex blew my mind a lot but the whole relationship made me question myself, wonder if I was stupid, wonder if I was worthless, wonder if I was a bad person. It ended badly. But it was a super intense time of my life and, super intense sexually. I never want to see him again and I am engaged in a great relationship w a man I love (a different man of course) but sometimes during sexual situations I still think about it?

[DishLady]

It's a good question. Lots of folks go through this. Let's take a shot at figuring it out:

• We miss the positive moments we had with them, which could be emotional/physical highs we got used to.
• We miss the new ways they got us to think, which could have led to increased productivity or new adventures, etc.
• We miss the space they took up in the kitchen/living room/etc. and just cleaning up a space at your place might remind you that's where they used to keep their mug... or UGH, how annoying it always was to see the toothpaste was never in the correct spot and now it always is...
• Sometimes we even miss the arguments... which isn't necessarily negative.

What we should NOT miss is the toxicity that made it impossible to stay.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, my juicy realm of relationships 😘! Missing someone who wasn't exactly Prince Charming is all about emotions playing tricks on us. Sometimes, it's not the person but that alluring feeling of comfort and those sizzling memories that have us hooked. Our brains love to focus on the good stuff and conveniently forget the ghosting and mind games. It's like loving that rollercoaster, even though it leaves you dizzy! So, missing 'em is like missing that thrill, not the drama. Keep your heart open and fabulous—better vibes are just around the corner! 🌟❤️

[Genie23]

Because you remember the good memories you shared and got attached to those people because you spent so much time together. You started trusting them and they made you believe that you could trust them.

So, even if they hurt you and they left/ you left them, you are missing how good things used to be and hoping they'd would change and regret hurting you. That things will go back to the way it was.

You're not ready to accept that it's over yet because once you do, you'll stop kissing them

[AviatorTom]

Being hurt requires some level of caring on your part. If you didn't care at all, there's no way another person could hurt you. So, when someone you cared about is no longer around, it's perfectly normal to miss them.

[hannamontana]

Because pain and love are twisted like that. Sometimes, it’s not about them, it’s about the part of us that got hooked on the feeling, the drama, the chaos. Missing them is really missing the version of ourselves we were when we needed them, even if they broke us.

[PeachyPie93]

I think its cuz its we think we weren't good enough so we hold on to it trying to figure out why we weren't good enough for that person. We also put them on a pedestal because it probably felt like the relationship ended prematurely and you didn't get to the stage you wanted it to end completely so you could be over it and move on.

[BCRanger10]

Probably because one hunts for the good things that may have been there and long for them. That or they simply liked the feeling of having someone. That is understandable, especially now, during a time when so many people just don't know how to date or have relationships. But the problem then is that the mind risks exaggerating the good things, or even fabricating them.

[MrChinaski]

Sometimes it can be hard to let go of the idea that you can make things right again. If only I do this, if only I do that, then he/she will treat me differently. Which is ridiculous, of course. You can't change people, or at least if you can it takes decades to effect small changes. But I think it is a natural human feeling and one that someone has to let go of in order to move on.

This may or may not apply to the OP, but I think it is a fairly common feeling.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You miss the part that made you feel good, most of the times there's a part people like about them and a lot of the times people change, and when people change, even when it's as clear as day, people still don't want to let go of them hoping that good part of them is still in them.

[NoDecision]

I don't know. I guess it's like the saying goes - "You always hurt the one you love."

https://www.youtube.com/embed/pVsaK8PlRM0

[Anonymous]

Feelings are not logical. Feelings are just hormones secreted into you're brain that make you illogically close to someone. Believe it or not you're a love drug junkie.😆 When you miss them and you know you shouldn't it's because you brain is wanting it's fix.

[rtj1211]

I don't miss people who hurt me.

For those hurt by family growing up, maybe their wiring got affected - you're supposed to miss your mum/dad/siblings, after all.

[queenofcardio]

Literally thinking that same thing. We'll get over it eventually

[exitseven]

“It's nice sometimes
to open up the heart a little
and let some hurt come in.
It proves you're still alive.”

Rod McKuen

[Nikki1989]

Sometimes?

How about very rarely.

[Staximus]

I don't know, good question. Maybe because a lot of people are nostalgic. Also people usually try to remember the good times and forget about the bad times.

[FunkyMonkee]

Why do some people go out of their way to hurt us in the first place?

[Anonymous]

I have some sort of mental condition, but I haven't been able to pin it down yet. That is the only logical explanation for my behavior.

[fonduegirl]

an abuser doesn't abuse everyday

[lorenzomichael]

Shit what do you mean we? People that did me wrong in my life, they can go fuck themselves. I don’t and have never missed them fuck em.

[Jackblue]

Our parents hurt us, even the best ones make mistakes that scar us, why should we not expect that from other people.

[genericname85]

cause probably they did a bunch of things besides hurting us that are worth remembering.

[OhMyMan]

Because you miss the good times you had with that person. There is also a concept called "trauma bonding." Just google it for more details.

[Anonymous]

Because one always falls in love with his executioner.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't. I mostly forget they exist.

[Dongie]

Because they have an ass kicking coming!

[TheMati]

Probably hoping they’ll change.