What exactly crosses the line from a friendship to an emotional affair?

[Anonymous]

i have a friend who I’ve known since high school, we are both married with children, but that an intensely close friendship. Our other halves know we are friends, but not the extent we speak, or how deep and meaningful our conversation get. I’m also so comfortable around him, I could get changed infront of him etc, nothing physical has ever happened, mainly becus he didn’t want it too. We hug and hold hands when we are alone, but other than that we are just really like best friends, we tell eachother anything and everything, he’s my number 1 best friend.

[Whatever2929292]

Do you do this stuff with your female best friends? If you're doing anything that is romantic or you both have feelings for each other that could be a problem. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having a friend although good communication in your relationships are critical.

I don't know about holding hands but... I think a emotional affair would be you're dating and doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff with each other if that makes any sense.

I am so happy that you have a amazing husband as well as a amazing best friend. There is nothing wrong with having a best friend. He just happens to be a guy and not a girl.

Have you or do you have any other close friendships like this? Have you seen your friends with friendships like this? I mean girl best friends go to the bathroom with each other all the time. That is obviously not anything sexual.

I do take issue with you saying "mainly because he didn't want it to"... If you were trying to initiate sex or some kind of romantic connection with him. This is a MAJOR issue.

But friends also have physical contact, friends can have deep conversations, friends can feel so comfortable with each other that they could get changed, etc. BUT... the difference is that there are no romantic or sexual feelings involved.

If you have a guilty feeling that you're doing something wrong you might be... Pray about it. But NOTHING wrong with having a best friend. By any means.

I do want you to know though emotional affairs hurt. They hurt bad. So if you feel like you're something wrong number one pray and number two talk to both your husband and your best friend about things.

If you feel like things are going too far you can speak with your best friend and not saying to end the friendship but maybe tone things down a bit.

We all should have a friend who we can tell things to... etcetc.

But I would hope that you can also do this with your husband as well.

[Asker]

Yes I am
A very open person, I am close to girl friends the same as I am him, I consider him one of my best friends up there with a few girl friends. I have never had a friend of the opposite sex like him, when I mentioned nothing had happened between us, mainly due to his decision… I was regarding the past before we were in relationships. But he says he didn’t know how I felt, and I didn’t know how he felt, so I suppose we’ve put it out there that in high school we liked eachother. The point where u say it’s fine unless there is sexual undertones. That’s what confuses me, he will make sexual comments, if I get changed he will say I have an amazing figure, if I am out he will say I look beautiful, but so will all my girlfriends. Have I fantasied about us having sex, yes lots, could I actually go through with it, even if we were single, I doubt it, becus part of me thinks it’ll feel weird, do I love him, yes, but I love all my friends. I feel it’s really hard to work out if it’s wrong or ok, he says we are fine, that we are just friends…..

[Whatever2929292]

Oh that makes total sense. If it was before you're married. I am so happy that you have such a great friend.

But you don't love your friends ROMANTICALLY or SEXUALLY. That is the difference.

I think that you should tell him that he needs to stop making sexual comments. But he might not mean them in a sexual way either he might just be saying it as a complement. Nonetheless I think you should tell him to stop doing that.

You should love your friends but you don't love them in a romantic or sexual way. I think that if you're fantasizing about having sex... this is emotional affair territory even a fantasy. You will start destroying your relationship. The only person in the world you should ever want sexually is your husband. Lusting after another man isn't a good thing at all.

Telling you you're beautiful isn't a bad thing. As you said even your friends who are girls say that and I doubt unless they are lesbians or bisexual that they mean anything sexual or romantic by saying that. That seems like a genuine complement that isn't anything sexual.

[Anonymous]

Did the same thing you're saying here. Im married, she was single. Weve known each other for years. she's a coworker. We hugged and held each other. Changed clothes around each other. She would find time for us to be alone together. She depended on me for emotional and deeply personal needs.

I knew it was a problem when 1) my coworkers said she was my girlfriend and she was okay with that, 2) my wife felt very uneasy around her... and perhaps most telling, 3) we were very insecure about the "friendship". She couldnt stay away from me and i felt jealous if she hanged out with other guys. I ended it, but it still hurts like hell.

Yeah, that was not a friendship. And reading your description, neither is yours.

[Asker]

We do show jealousy regarding others other than their spouse, I’m just not sure. I suppose I wouldn’t feel jealous of a female friend showing someone potential attention :/

[Opinion Owner]

Same here. It was ok if I talked with my wife but hell, my friend got very insecure if I chatted with other girls. Ask yourself, can you go months without talking to this person and be okay with that? If not, theyre not really your friend. You know this deep inside, you enjoy his companionship because he makes you feel complete - he fills the voids your husband leaves open. And that was my case as well. The emotion was so intense, it wasn't a matter of if, but when, we would bone each others brains out. And i, for one, wasn't ready to throw away my integrity and commitment to my wife and our kids just to meet that basic human desire. And I knew the best day for me to show my "friend" I love her, was to let her go.

[Asker]

How long did yours go on and what made you ultimately end it

[Opinion Owner]

Weve known each other over 10 years off and on and before i was married. I was crazy about her back then, she knew this but didn't want a relationship at the time. She came back into my life after I got married and we reconnected emotionally. This lasted 2.5 years. I knew our "friendship" was difficult for her but she would not tell me. I knew she had fallen in love, she was very insecure about losing our friendship yet tried to maintain this artificial boundary because she knew it was wrong. She fabricated opportunities to be with me alone. It confused the hell out of me. At one point she admitted she felt committed to me. That was really the big one. You dont tell a friend that. I fell in love with her too. I bought her expensive things, she secretly bought me things. I knew our relationship was only going to bring everyone sorrow and pain. I told her i deeply love her, I want her to be happy, and that i needed to leave her life so she can move on with out me. It was like throwing a rock in a glass house. Everything shattered. She immediately ceased contact with me and my wife, and quit her job.

So yeah, not a friend. The pain of losing her, having that void, and trying to rebuild my relationship with my wife- its not worth it. you're already there. You know this, otherwise you wouldn't ask for advice from random people. For awhile I figured letting the affair drag on was better than dealing with the fallout. But someone has to make the right choice because the mode it goes on, the more it will hurt in the end.

[Pinay_ako]

When you start catching feelings

[In_Trance]

Would you be willing to share the contents of your discussions with your current partners?
Are your partners aware of anything and everything that you say and do?
How would you feel if your partner was doing to you what you're doing to them right now?
Those are pretty good indicators...

[Crankor]

The line crosses when you tell or talk about more things than your husband. More importantly though are your thoughts towards him in comparison

[jahaims]

If you won't say it or do it in front of your s/o then it is cheating

[GreatnessBack]

Simple: When you want to be with him more than your current husband.