What should I do about my boyfriend who keeps shutting me out?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 months. There was a lot of passion from the get go and I broke up with him once for 3 weeks where he asked me back.

I broke up with him just after 1 month of dating, because we got into an argument and he gave me the silent treatment for an entire day.

He initiated contact again after 3 weeks and emphasised how apologetic he was. He wanted us to work out and for the most part, was a changed man.

He wasn’t short tempered and rude anymore, and everything was good. We felt closer to each other than ever before because we missed each other during the break up.

Until one day he wouldn’t answer his phone for an entire day. It drove my anxiety crazy. This lead to another fight where I gave him the silent treatment and we made up 3 days later. We communicated clearly and I opened up about my anxiety. We promised it wouldn’t happen again.

We had a silly argument and I called him 4 days ago and he never picked up nor got back to me. I am VERY hurt. I feel betrayed and lied to because we just communicated about this and I feel he's dismissing my anxiety.

On day 3 I posted a photo of myself while I was out with my friends and he commented saying I look beautiful. But I never responded because I’m waiting for him to communicate with me properly.

I understand I’m not perfect myself but I really want to make this work. And I’m willing to learn. I don’t understand why he keeps shutting me out every time we argue.

What should I do? Currently I’m waiting for him to communicate with me because he must be dumb not to see that he has upset me.

Updates

1 y

Guys were kinda speaking now and he’s finally opening up.

Thank you to the person who said I need to listen more and stop being defensive. It’s helped!!

[Craftsman]

Looks to me like you are shutting him out as much as he is shutting you out.

It really does not matter who started it. What matters is where you go from here. If you two continue to play the "I'm not going to answer you unless you do it the way I want you to," don't be surprised if the relationship crashes and burns.

The only way to stop that from happening is to communicate. That means listen instead of thinking up what you are going to say next. That goes for both of you.

Remember; he can't read your mind any better than you can read his mind.

[Asker]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[LilyoftheLake]

I think, as unfair as it is, if you want it to improve - just be super patient! I know several guys who use withdrawal to deal with problems - he's probably afraid that he hurt you, and retreats to not hurt (or get hurt) anymore.

Talk to him sweetly about it - I've found in my relationships that nagging or confronting triggers their fight or flight (but mostly fight) response. Being nice, provided he's a decent guy, seems to make him want to change - punishing him or being rude seems to make him fight back harder.

Express that you're hurt, directly, to his face, and then explain that you'll wait patiently. Do nice things for him in the mean time. That can help soothe your feelings as well as his.

[Pinay_ako]

This sounds so dramatic and toxic… Just call him and meet him and talk about it and see if you guys both want to be together or not! If the games continue, just end it already.

[Anonymous]

You don't sound like you're a "match" honestly, but what you should do is sit down with him and have a real and honest talk about how you BOTH are going to handle arguments going forward, because what's happening right now isn't good or working (and you seem to fight a lot). Let him know that the silent treatment really bothers you. You both have to talk about how you feel when you fight, and compromise on how you both can handle it better when it happens. Not just silent treatment followed by break ups.

[RealMarek]

I know it’s difficult, but based on what you have posted here I just don’t think the two of you are a good, compatible couple. I believe it would be incredibly difficult for you if you commit to being with this man for life. I hope you will have as one of your criteria a man who will treat you respectfully. Someone who won’t go no-contact, play mind games, and get into frequent arguments.

[Asker]

It’s very frustrating

[RealMarek]

Yes, it is. I wish you the best working through it.

[Asker]

Thank you

[Traumasurgeon]

It seems to me that although its his problem that he won’t tell you whats going on. You also don’t seem to listen when he does talk, you just instantly get defensive. Try letting him talk and not saying anything for the duration he's speaking. It may provide you with some perspective on what he's dealing with.

[TheBootyChest]

It doesn't sound good that he gives you the silent treatment and then just wants to pretend that nothing ever happened.

It sounds like he is asking you back because he doesn't have anyone else. And I don't like it when guys do that. They are messing with womens' minds.

[Alwayreckles93]

The two of you need to meet up sit down like adults would have a serious conversation you let him talk , he lets you talk and be clear with each other. Sounds like you and him aren't really compatible with each other.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Dump him if he shuts you out. You know what you need to do cause you dumped once already. Why did you take him back did he promise to change or something

[Asker]

Yes he promised to change and asked me to give him a second chance

[Bklynbadboy12]

So what is he actually shutting you out on

[Asker]

He keeps giving me the silent treatment every time we argue

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'm gonna in box you ok

[Asker]

Okay

[Bklynbadboy12]

Inbox me

[Waldoe]

DUH... obviously, YOU upset Him... but you don't care, do you? It is always only about YOU and your feelings; you obviously think that He doesn't exist, except to please you... Time for YOU to grow UP... it is NOT his job to kiss your ass 24/7. He has probably found a 'Normal Girl' that isn't so self-centered

[RuthlessAggression]

you could go the "no sex" route butttt

[Asker]

We’re not having sex until marriage

[RuthlessAggression]

then how do you know you're in a relationship. LMAO

[Asker]

Because we want to have sex after marriage

[RuthlessAggression]

yeah, but how do you know you're in a relationship, if your'e not having sex

a sexless relationship

is just a friendship. LMAO

[Asker]

And you’re having sex every day because you’re a stunningly attractive man who gets a new woman every moment he's out

[RuthlessAggression]

Actually, im not. but. fuck women anyway. they're just problem after problem

[Asker]

I knew it lol

[RuthlessAggression]

yeah

[Jamie05rhs]

@RuthlessAggression Leave her alone.

[RuthlessAggression]

@Jamie05rhs Bug off fucker

[Asker]

@jamies05rhs thank you

[RuthlessAggression]

QA, stfu

[Gent207]

Leave him for good

Block him on all apps and never speak to him again

[Alwayreckles93]

That's childish what is the whole point?

[Gent207]

@Alwayreckles93 stonewalling is never the answer and only delays progress towards a solution

[Chaser3232]

I believe you both have lot to work on, separately!

[Twalli]

Guys aren't mind readers, and we don't really notice signals. He'll talk to you if he has something to say, but otherwise probably won't.

[DoctorSex]

You both seem like a lot of work. Sounds exhausting.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Smoke-n-Growls]

You two should consider couples counselling if you want to make a serious go of your relationship.

[driven159]

you both need to grow up and stop playing games it best you don't continue your toxic relationship

[Mgtow1990]

Well sounds as though it's time to let it go I mean if you haven't heard most guys don't want women anymore so maybe he figured out that's dating is just bullshit 🖤

[jahaims]

You're both too immature to have a healthy relationship

[Asker]

I don’t know what to do

[jahaims]

Go to therapy and figure yourself out before you try complicating your life with a relationship

[Asker]

Stop shaming people who open up a little about their lives. You know nothing about me and I’m a perfectly healthy individual. I’m not perfect and I’m working on it which is why I’m posting this question. Because I want to learn and make my relationship work because I care for this person. So piss off with your ignorance

[jahaims]

Goes on an opinion based forum. Asks for an opinion. Gets upset when they get an opinion. Yep, you are definitely ready for a relationship.

[Asker]

Ok well I’m not here to argue with a stranger online

[Jamesshinobi]

suck his dick or someone elses. that will get him to talk...

[IsoUser]

I am way older than you but to be perfectly honest I would be hesitant

[LazerBean]

Dump him, he's unfit to be in a relationship.

[Bratsondanielle]

Dump him and take another boyfriend

[Jouth]

fuck his Dad

it'll make him jealous and draw him back in

[Chaser3232]

Dangerous!