Are narcissists really incapable of understanding the hurt they caused?

[Anonymous]

I fell for a lovebombing, PUA and he had nerves to still request a friendship after denying me commitment (what he promised years ago) and not paying my money back. He basically destroyed my ego/pride and pretty much demoted me to the lowest level ever (not even as a girlfriend either), had a mocking tone when saying ''oh you're not ready for marriage yet', ''I can take all the time I want to'' and ''I don't owe you anything, you do. I'm not paying you back''.

Then he was upset at my reaction. I was super pissed off and devastated. I've exposed him to others, told my family and blocked him. He still had the nerves to still lied to my mother that I'm owning him money, play victim and even wish you ''happy b-day'' on my whatsapp months later. WTF

Really? Are narcissists really incapable of understanding the hurt they caused? If you fake a future, lied, and scam others... obviously they are going to hate you, think of you as the worst person ever and block you.

Updates

1 y

When my mother confronted him over the phone about everything, he still had the nerves to lied that I owed him a lot of money too and that I signed a form. I never signed anything and he never ever gave me money. He's always been a cheapskate with me and other women he dated.

[D_Bone_Steak]

A Narcissist is like a prime example of someone that elevates themselves by tearing other people down. I can't remember if it was Aristotle or Plato describing the difference between people that build or work on themselves to become better individuals and people that tear everyone around them down to look like their better individuals. When reading that though it made a lot of sense.

I think for the most part they are really incapable of understanding the hurt they cause. It's all manipulation where the only goal is putting others down to elevate their own position.

[Asker]

It's shocking how twisted they are. His exact words one day were literally ''I'm perfect'' or ''I'm almost perfect'' and all of the sudden every single girlfriend he ever had was crazy and never understood him.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It's like nothing but a power move in their heads, a lot of serial killers fit the narcissistic profile. I have a friend that is one, most of us guys (we're all ex-military) that are around him know his manipulations and that he's a complete shit show... we see how every female that gets near him gets torn down. To him though... OMG, he thinks he's literally God's gift to the earth. Even stupid things like crypto and he just starts pretending he's a multi-millionaire. We all have a wives and kids except him and he's a broke fuck that acts like he's richer than all of us combined. It's like he just hasn't figured out that nobody cares.

Don't get me wrong, he is some strong ass problems that's just waiting to happen if you get on his bad side... sort of the kind of dude where it's best to just go along to get along. But damn, in his head, he can do no wrong... no matter what.

[Avicenna]

They don't care, and they don't think that they do anything wrong when they exploit people.

[Asker]

Wow they are sick people without empathy. Any loving girlfriend (what many women dream of) would want the relationship to progress to marriage and kids and grow old. He had no understand of why denying me that and leaving me childless was hurtful. He had no understand why me and my family hated his guts by then.
As much as I was angry, I was also devastated at the lack of basic compassion and empathy a person can lack. Wow

[Avicenna]

Yeah, that unfortunately is true

[bean2k21]

Sorry I didn't really read your question because it has nothing to do with me.

[Asker]

Most people aren't narcissists. It was pure bad luck ever crossing paths with him.

[jahaims]

For the most part yes. It is a way for them to protect theirselves. It is involuntary for a lot of them.

[Asker]

Ironically that's one way to get normal people to hate you. When I was with him, he claimed that a past ex girlfriend blocked him and never wanted to see nor speak to him again and he didn't understand why she still hates him nor what he did wrong. He once literally said ''I'm perfect'' or ''I'm nearly perfect''. Wow... just wow

[jahaims]

I've read a fair bit about narcissists. Pretty interesting

[Asker]

I'm willing to bet he's likely telling another woman the same thing about him, that I'm another crazy girlfriend that blocked and hates him for no reason at all. I've read those people are made from traumatic events.
His father used to come home drunk and beat him and his siblings when they were kids. It went on for 2 years. He used to get bullied and beaten at school by classmates too. His father would also allow his friends (adults) to verbally bully his son, calling them Mickey Mouse and getting laughted at for being slow.
Yet there are many abused people that actually thrive to become better people and harm others. I'm guessing he was both born and made like that.

[Snakeyes7]

It is a legitimate personality disorder so I would say yes.

[KrakenAttackin]

I am willing to bet his side of the story would be somewhat different.

[Asker]

Nope. I have all the receipts of the money he owes me. He has no proof than just words and lies. I got proofs.

[Asker]

Plus some other woman claiming to be his new girlfriend, told me similar things. If there is one person I've spoken to is his own mother, whom he owes money to her too. He always included ''I, I did this, I'' in most of his sentences.

[Asker]

Finally, he claimed every single of his gfs were crazy and that he's perfect without any flaws. He really thinks he's perfect.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... he must be a Giga-chad to have drilled all of you so hard and deep, while making YOU pay for it. Go Chad.

[Asker]

What are you a bitter INCEL or something? I've you seen post negative things about women before.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... sorry if the truth hurts. Chad used you as a cock holster and you felt you deserved more. Next time don't be such a thot.

[Asker]

I was a virgin at the time and obviously have been raised in a well upbringing environment, away from malice, away from bad influences. I didn't believe in evil in people back then. I used to believe in second chances and the good in people.
The fact that you're laughing at it makes you no better than him.

[Asker]

plus I didn't sleep around. I've only been with him. I'm currently in my 2nd relationship.
Next time think before you assume.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker. You wanted a "bad boy", so you banged a bad boy. It is what it is. Don't be surprised when a lion eats meat.

[Asker]

Well I thought he was family oriented at some point. I couldn't tell the difference between a decent person and user at the time. I was super bad at clues and hints.