My fiance is defending another woman?

[Anonymous]

Me and my fiance have been together for almost 3 years. We were high school sweethearts, broke up and found each other again. Lately, hew been defending his female coworker. Him and her were texting, I found out and then he immediately started erasing texts. Im supposed to be ok with them texting and sending smiley faces and shit. Im not cool with that. When I say something, he completely blows up and starts calling me names and defending her even more.

What's really going on here?

[FilmGuy93]

Obviously there's some romantic, sexual, or otherwise inappropriate involvement between them.

[Asker]

How can I be for sure?

[FilmGuy93]

You could try catching them flirting at work or something?

[Asker]

He quit his job there. And they're still texting. I just don't understand why I'm the bad guy when he's the one who fucked up?

[FilmGuy93]

Because he doesn't want to take responsibility for his actions, so he's gaslighting you into thinking that you're the problem?

[Asker]

Yes, exactly! He throws up anything he can pull out on me in that moment.

[Guy13]

This is not proper..

[Guy13]

Has he set down with you and had a conversation about why? I don’t mean I’ll stop because caught…I mean what is driving him. Is there some sort of inner turmoil between you two? Are you his only girlfriend then married?

[Asker]

I know. It's driving me crazy.

[Asker]

Guy13
I hope I'm his only girlfriend. No there's no turmoil other than this. We've talked a lot about it, his answers are always the same. I'm not defending her. When I clearly saw him erase texts he told me I was blind. Then two weeks later admitted to erasing the texts. He doesn't want to talk about it.

[Guy13]

Between you and marriage did either one of you date another person?

[Asker]

We're not married yet. We met when we were 13. Stayed together until we were 17. Then met back up 20 years later. I'm 38. We did date others in between those years.

[Guy13]

Couple counseling if it were me. At a church if you are a church goer. Think back to family. Was his Dad a good guy to his Mom?

[Asker]

His dad died before I got to really meet him. But his mom told me that he was. I remember in high school they split up for a while then got back together.

[Guy13]

Sadly,, we are very much like our models. Common sense living for me. I’m sorry I’m advanced but where there is smoke 💨 💨💨 there is fire 🔥. When one can see the smoke and sparks.. does he/she die with the building or get out before it ignites or explodes. Not pleasant and redneck but proper thinking.

[Asker]

You're absolutely right. Thank you for your advice. Maybe it's time I walk.

[TheFlak38]

Every bitch the same shit. It's a problem when he flirts with his coworker but when you explore your THOUSANDS of options with your instagram and snapchat and tiktok and facebook and tinder and all the other apps elevating your vagina to astronomical heights then it's fair play. It's only a problem when the man does the same thing. Selfish bitch. Fuck off and take your double standards with you. #FemaleDoubleStandards

[Asker]

I'm not the one doing anything wrong. You have a distorted view of me.

[TheFlak38]

Yeah of course. The woman is never wrong. It's always the man's fault. God forbid if we ever hold women accountable for anything. The vagina is god.

[Asker]

If I was fucking around with someone else I wouldn't be on this site asking about his ass.

[Avicenna]

Only he knows. Demand full accountability

[Asker]

I have. Doesn't work. :(

[Avicenna]

Are you ready to call off the marriage over this?

[Asker]

I can't get over it because he won't talk about it or stop defending her. If I can't get it resolved, yes I'm ready to call off the marriage.

[Avicenna]

Then take a hard line and tell him he needs to break off contact with her

[Asker]

That would be like asking him to commit murder. He isn't going to stop. Or stop them.

[Avicenna]

Then you need to decide whether it's a dealbreaker for you and act accordingly

[Iron_Man]

Have a serious conversation with him

[Asker]

I've tried, many times.