Can someone give me a thorough understanding of what taking control is?

[pattimeltz]

It sounds like a stupid question but maybe I'm a stupid person. Either way, I've been told multiple times to "be a man and take control" and im always thinking "thats vague af". and i didn't give specific context because im hoping y'all could spoon feed me your ideas.

[MrOracle]

It essentially means to be the one who makes the decisions, or the one who delegates responsiblity for a task to someone else.

But it also means other leadership - doing the hardest work, or taking the risk or giving up the fun if you need to remain sober, etc. You need to be able to make GOOD decisions and build a record of competence.

And it doesn't mean that you always just do what you want - it means that you talk to your girlfriend and find out what she likes or wants and take that into consideration. Sometimes you are going to do what she wants even if you don't really want to, and other times you are going to do what you want even if she'd rather not. Hopefully most of the time you can find a solution that you both like. You can certainly ask for her input, but in the end, YOU decide, and YOU take responsibility for the decisions that you make. That's leadership.

Leaders don't ask those they lead to do anything they haven't done themselves, or that is unreasonable, but they also expect everyone to do their part.

[Smoothing]

😂😂😂of course it is vague af. And I bet it has been told to you by girls or some other guys when it involved a girl.

Look you want my priceless advice? Be yourself. People always want you to be something you are not. What you are is precious as long as you are not a criminal. The right woman that will be by your side as you both grow together is out there don't sweat it.

There is a lot of bull shit that gets thrown around nowadays especially on modern times.

Although if it means being in control of your life. Then they are probably right. Just be in charge of your life that is what taking control is.

[Gloree]

Another example: you and her go to a restaurant. When you enter, you choose where to sit. Pick the table. It looks simple but it is taking charge.

My boyfriend was doing this right from the first date. When we get in, he takes my hand and leads me to the table of his choice and draws out a chair for me.

Then he says I can pick the table next time. If we are ever taking a public vehicle he tells me when to get in like he has made it clear that I cannot be sandwiched between two guys. He hates it, so I've learned to not sit like that even when I'm going out on my own with a public vehicle.

These things look simple but show him to be a decisive person and most of us women are built to find leadership ability in a man, attractive.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Don't be passive.

Take initiative, be the first to make a move, YOU do the planning instead of leaving it to others, etc.

Most men are extremely passive because their mothers have done everything for them. So when it comes time for them to be adults, they're entirely passive and - especially for Americans (whose educational system is better suited to robots than children) - can't deal with ambiguity or lack of instruction.

But the thing is, life isn't a manual. There is no script.

You gotta make your own path and walk it with your own power.

Don't be passive.

[MrOracle]

"Most men are extremely passive because their mothers have done everything for them."

No, most men are passive because they want to make the woman happy, and they've been made to believe that letting HER choose - and thus getting to do what she wants - is what's going to make her happy. How do I know this? Because I've talked to literally hundreds of men about this, and nearly all of them have said so. No one ever taught them what what REALLY makes women happy is to NOT HAVE TO MAKE THE DECISIONS.

Note: who do you imagine is teaching this idea to these boys growing up - especially given that so many of them don't have fathers in the home?

[StevieNix]

Tell her it's Taco Tuesday. She will most likely challenge you on that, even though she loves tacos. It's her job to test you, and it's your job to be a man. Tell her it's not up for debate. Tell her that she can decide what happens on Thursday, but Tuesday is YOUR day. She will love you for that.

If you cave, she will think you're a simp. You're not a bad person for wanting taco Tuesday, because you gave her Thursday. Fair is fair. But today is NOT Thursday, it's Tuesday.

This goes back thousands of years. When the dragon comes into the village, do you want a dominant caveman or a submissive one watching your back?

[Gloree]

This is exactly why I said yes to my boyfriend. He is a leader... a fair leader

[StevieNix]

@Gloree

Exactly. You have it figured out.

[ElementoP]

Girl: "Should we go to your place or mine?"

Not taking control: "It's up to you! I don't care, either one is fine with me 😃"

Taking control: "Let's go to my place, we'll go to yours next time."


That's the best example I can think of. It's really not that hard, it's all about mindset. Don't be indecisive and indifferent. Certain things call for that kind of relaxed attitude, but other things call for a man to step up and make a decision and fuck anyone who disagrees with it

[SkyCastle90]

It's assertiveness. Have respect for yourself, your interest, and opinions. Nothing more or less. Basically, don't be a yes-man. Just know what you want and go for it within reason.

For example, if you're having sex and you want her to change position, don't be afraid to lift her up or command her to change, "Get on your back," etc.

[DaveJord]

Basically she's saying don't wait to be told all the time to what to do. Like every now and then you pick the restaurant. Like when you say do want to go out with me... she says yes... don't ask her where she wants to go, just pick a place. If want to do something ask for her opinion but in the end pull the trigger and make the decision yourself, don't put it on her to decide everything.

[EarthRealm]

So what you never think things through and then you want us to do the thinking for you.
That’s the problem a man thinks things through. Your not a man
Your a child that wants to be given the answers to everything without doing any sort of research.

[dustybiker]

Poison. Don’t listen to that. At most come up with several plans and offer them as suggestions. Leave them adjustable. Ask for their own. A relationship has two halves. Give and take.

[JSmuve]

It means if there's a decision to me made, then you get to make it. Like what she can wear, whether she can hang out with certain guys, if she gets to keep her social media. You know, be a man and take control 🙄

[wittymilf]

It really means to be decisive. Make up your mind and back yourself

[pattimeltz]

ok great, make up my mind on what? like what if there's no decision to make at the time or nothing totake a stance on? what, am I supposed to be constantly inventing things when therre are no things?

[wittymilf]

I don’t think there’s ever no things. 🤷‍♀️ Not when you’re interacting with others. Maybe there’s no things when you sit at home alone with no one around, but even then you choose to do that so own it too 🤔

[Gloree]

Listen to @stevienix

[litty]

It doesn't have anything to do with being a man. It just means take action, initiative, seize the moment, etc.

[anylolone]

It means exactly what they want when they want with power to retroactively change it.