He refuses to let me meet his parents, dealbreaker?

[likelyOK]

I have been with this man for a year and I asked 2 months ago to meet his parents and he refused. He also said they have have pushing to meet me too. He said they “will interfere, they will ruin everything, I don’t have a good relationship with them.” But still he has dinners with them. He said it’s a boundary and I have to except it. He also took his ex to meet them and they were together a shorter amount of time. I said she was lucky and he said “no I’m protecting you from them.” Should this be a dealbreaker for me, I’ve struggled with it?

Updates

+1 y

Thanks peeps these were some thoughtful answers better than I got from a FB group sadly no one can tell you the right thing to do. Or Can real the other person’s true intentions I’m going to confront him again my concern is he is lying about the real reason that he is worried they won’t approve of me for racial reasons or other. And I’m that case I would leave in a heartbeat no one wants a coward who won’t stick up for them. I’ll keep you updated

[slatyb]

That seems a bit odd to me. Is there some reason for him to believe that his parents wouldn't accept you? A difference in ethnicity or religion? Have you meet any of his friends? What is your goal for this relationship? Would you be happy if it continued as is?

[likelyOK]

I wonder about that we are both Catholic they are white and I’m Mexican American but I was born here and his brother’s long term girlfriend is also Mexican and has two kids. He toook her to meet his parents. He doesn’t hang out with hardly anyone kind of a loner. My goal is marriage but things like this make me question if this is the person for me.
Is that what I should ask should I say, “ do you think your parents would not accept me?”

[slatyb]

What about his goals? Is he interested in marrying? That's certainly a reasonable question. How is the relationship otherwise?

[likelyOK]

Yes but he does not want to marry yet.
I am going to ask him the question. The relationship is pretty good

[slatyb]

Your choice is always to continue in the relationship with the assumption that it's not going to change, or to leave it and search for a better fit.

[RealMarek]

If you are considering marriage I believe you need to understand the family dynamic into which you are entering. He owes you a detailed explanation at a minimum.

[likelyOK]

Thank you

[EmmaMary]

Just what the hell is this loser hiding?

For heaven's sake wake up and smell the coffee girl... You're simply wasting your time... Dealbreaker, Red Flag and everything else thrown in.

[likelyOK]

You thinking he’s hiding something?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he does have a strained relationship with his parents and something might have happened with his parents and his ex that caused a strained in their relationship back then. But at the same time, if I were in your position, I’d want to meet his parents at least once still. Maybe try to find a compromise with him, you can meet via video chat, or just meat once for a quick lunch (make sure you have an escape plan so you can leave quickly), etc.

[LazerBean]

Yeah. Guys are only like that when they have serious problems.

[Snsl153]

I wouldn't want to meet anyone's parents either. Parents always meddle, they always try to influence the relationship.

[LiamSawyer]

It would be difficult for a woman to meet my parents, we'd have to go to the cemetary.

[EaterPeter]

You get to decide. Given the situation it feels like you should try to respect his decision and it can be red flag too.

[likelyOK]

Red flag 🚩 I. What way?

[EaterPeter]

He do not have good relationship with his parents you can predict your future with him.

[EaterPeter]

He have friends?

[EaterPeter]

You met with any?

[likelyOK]

Good point

[roy_ricky09]

Just ask him to get married. you'll get all the answers

[likelyOK]

But he’s not ready to get married till we have been together longer and I’m not positive this is the person I want to marry. Some days I think yes for sure other days I think about stuff like this and I’m not sure.

[roy_ricky09]

Then you should move on.

[midnightmoon05]

Sounds like it.