My now ex boyfriend R and i had been together 13 years, mostly long distance. We had a rough 4-5 years, in which he made an online friend we'll call D. D is an artist and they began working together, him hiring her for art. I've had issues with her and her boyfriend in the past (D's boyfriend accussed R of not actually having a girlfriend and i blew up. Harsh insults were thrown from me) but i began noticing things that made me uncomfortable.
Key event was D sending R a picture of her haircut and literally asking him what he thought of it and that she would change it if he didn't like it. Pointed out this crossed lines but was brushed off with "she's just a friend, friends ask opinions!"
Eventually i went snooping on his phone, found their conversation, and saw him saying things like "i still think of your pictures and find them alluring" she had sent him nude pictures, which he later said was at his request because they were both having relationship problems. When i found out, i wanted her gone but was talked out of it because she was his friend. Cue a lot of issues, me never being happy she was still there and both of us unable to stop bringing her up even if we agreed not to.
That was 1 1/2 year ago. Recently, i saw an innocent message from her and got upset again. He asked me, as he had in the past, if i wanted her gone. I always said no out of guilt but this time i said yes. So he got rid of her but we broke up shortly after because he was emotionally distant and i was scared he'd secretly talk to her again.
I told him honestly i couldn't be in his life if she was in it as well. I don't know if we'll get back together, he says he still loves me. We both decided to get therapy. But now he says he's talking to her again, because i can't expect him to stick to an agreement we made while dating but are no longer dating. He says the emotional affair ended before i found out, and they are just friends now.
So stand by what i say and leave? Or stay and try again?
