Girlfriend wants me to drop my friends?

[hugo135]

My girlfriend wants me to drop my two best friends who I've known for 4 years. She says it's because they're "bad friends for me", but they aren't really bad friends and I get the feeling she might be manipulating me or something. She talks crap about both of them constantly, called one of them "mentally disordered" and "autistic" and gave me the ultimatum that if I keep being friends with them I'm "going to lose her." She keeps telling me they're both just jealous of her and that's why they both don't like her (they have told me it's because they think she's a bad person).

I love her but they are my closest friends. I feel controlled by her and have only been going out with her for a year. What to do? Who do I choose? Friend or girlfriend?

[20thGreatRomances]

Look man, first and foremost, that sounds very controlling. On top of that, for her to call your friends “autistic” oof…. That alone is a huge red flag. How dare her call your friends that? That’s so rude. What if one of your friends DID have autism? She’s mentally discriminating your friends. That already tells me a lot about her.


Secondly, unless your friends are treating you like shit, there is no reason for her to tell you what to do with them. They are YOUR friends, now hers. She doesn’t have to hangout with them all the time. Again, As long as your friends are not treating you bad nor treating her bad before she made these remarks, I don’t see what her problem is? Sounds like she just wants things to all go her way but, I don’t know her enough to make this statement.

[FilmGuy93]

Her intentions could easily go either way, and I don't know her well enough to offer my thoughts about that, but I can tell you this: your partner's job is not to infinitely love you for every aspect of who you are without question. Sometimes the best of friends are the worst of influences. Sometimes our partners see aspects of our friends that hold us back. Your girlfriend is doing this because she sees an element of who you are that could be better, and she sees your friends as holding you back from that.

Does that mean she is healthy or right to make an ultimatum about keeping your friends around? No, only you can decide if your friends need to change. But I will tell you that you need to give serious consideration to whether your friendships are actually productive.

[Faith18letsgo]

Friends. I agree she’s isolating you for some scheme. This seems sketchy. Especially with the ultimatum.

[Guccigabbana18]

She sounds very controlling and manipulative/toxic.

[Guccigabbana18]

I've just read your question again. It seems as if your girlfriend is trying to isolate you from others so she can control you better, and that is ALWAYS a bad sign in relationship. That's the first sign of an abusive/toxic relationship.

If you truly love someone, you'll want them to keep what makes them happy, and that includes their friends/family that they love. You won't want them to change just to suit your selfish needs. You won't try to control them and get your own way at their expense, neither do you make these sorts of ultimatums. She doesn't sound like a good person just from what you've wrote, and if I were you I would choose your friends. But only you can truly know what to do here as we don't know the full extent of the situation. Good luck.

[slatyb]

Keep the friends. Dump her. That’ psychological abuse. She has a serious personality disorder. She will ruin your life. I’ve been there. End it now.

[Anonymous]

The cloak of control is upon you, hugo. You may tolerate it or reject it.

Take a long look at her actions, her goals, her motivations and ask yourself. Is she my long term future? Or are my friends? Do any of these people improve my life and make me happy?

If you can answer these questions you'll perhaps understand how to manage your situation.

[TheFlak38]

Said every control bitch in the world. And she won't stop at that. She wants to take you away from your support network in order to leave you defenceless when she'll start destroying your life completely.

[HelloImGoodThanks]

Don't allow her to tell you who you can and can't be friends with.

[kespethdude]

No, kick HER to the curb. She is controlling and a narcissist and yes, it works both ways.

[kespethdude]

They are right, she IS a bad person.

[bstayl]

Are these female friends? What are they doing that she considers “bad”?

[Heolurt]

Dump her. Friends will be there for you when you're at your lowest but females always leave when the man is at his lowest.

[Anonymous]

Lol she's trying to isolate you so she can have better control of you.

[jimmy2]

If you want her man up take her hand go on down the road of life. Love is going together

[ZZed5]

Drop the girl! Major redflag 🔴

[msc545]

Get rid of that toxic woman!

[Anonymous]

Ring's moving. Run, run, run!

[Farmer27]

Drop the girl

[barn_stormer]

friends

[LeeSteele]

Lose the girlfriend